Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Kim Kardashian

Kris Jenner Posted More Sleeping Photos of Kim Kardashian

photo of kim kardashian sleeping pictures photos

Here’s the caption:

I love that @kimkardashian still crawls in bed with me… she’s still my little girl! #favoritething

Hey, look, Kris Jenner is using one of her kids (the cash cow one, or just the cow one if you really, really hate her) for her own personal gain! And what personal gain, you ask? I don’t know. To get people to talk about her, because that’s what they’re doing now, like me, and here I am in this trap again. Celebrity gossip is a vicious, vicious cycle, and a lot of times, you end up being caught right up in it and giving attention to those you’d rather piss on (even though some of them would like that just fine, thank you very much).

This is Kim sleeping, and in that big, soft, clean-looking bed, she looks like a greasy, dirty sewer rat who’s gotten into the garbage, eaten herself into a submissive coma, and passed out mid-feed.

I guess there’s a market for all sorts of things, guys, and while you and I and many, many more people are completely appalled by the fact that we’re forced to see Kim Kardashian in such an intimate, vulnerable position on a daily basis courtesy of Twitter, there’s a whole lot worse that can happen. Like, Kris could probably accidentally leak a Kim Kardashian sex tape or something. Oh … wait.

Kim Kardashian Is Running for Mayor

A photo of Kim Kardashian

It’s true: if you live in Los Angeles, specifically Glendale, then it might be time to pack up and find a new neighborhood, because in about five years’ time, Kim Kardashian is going to attempt to run your town.

From E! Online:

Seeing how Kim Kardashian has pretty much done it all, what’s left?

Well, if the E! reality star has her way, she may someday be entering the political arena!

Yep. You read that right.

In the above bonus clip from Khloé & Lamar (airing Sundays at 10 p.m. on E!), Kim tells sister Khloé Kardashian Odom, “I’ve decided I’m going to run for the mayor of Glendale.”

However, Kim goes on to explain that “you have to have residency” in the Los Angeles suburb, so she plans on buying a home in the area.

“It’s going to be in, like, five years,” she says of actually pursuing her political ambitions in a city where many of the residents share Kim’s Armenian roots.

Fortunately for Kim, it looks like she already has a couple of influential folks on her side.

“I would support her,” Glendale City Councilman Rafi Manoukian told E! News. “I think she would make an excellent mayor.”

Meanwhile, City Councilman and former Glendale mayor Ara Najarian said he thinks “it’s a great idea,” adding, “I have offered her the position of honorary chief of staff to my office to help her get acquainted to Glendale.”

Najarian went on to explain that to be mayor of Glendale, Kim would have to run for city council, from which they elect the mayor. The term would last one year.

According to the Glendale City Clerk’s Office, there have been no inquiries yet from any potential candidates regarding the 2017 Glendale municipal elections.

I can’t tell what’s crazier: the fact that Kim actually thinks she has a chance of pursuing a political career, or the fact that other politicians are supporting her. Did everyone forget that Kim is famous for making a sex tape, being an entitled brat, and having a gigantic ass? Those are her credentials. That’s what Kim Kardashian does. But no, for sure, let her be in charge of a town. Sounds like a great idea.

Oh wait, I think I figured out what’s craziest about this whole thing. It’s Kim’s insistence on wearing the most awful pants she can find. That’s the truly insane part of all of this. Look at those things. That’s headed your way, Glendale.

Quotables: Bruce Jenner Just Confirmed Kim and Kanye’s Relationship

photo of bruce jenner pictures photos and kim kardashian pic
“I’m not that excited, but we’ll see. Kimberly and I have had a conversation about them and their potential relationship.”

Bruce Jenner, at last night‘s public appearance at Northeastern University in Boston. When asked about Kim and Kanye dating, because really, why else would anyone invite Bruce Jenner to talk to a crowd anywhere—oh, right, he’s a motivational speaker—unless it happened to revolve around Kim Kardashian and her pompous ass (and by “pompous ass,” I mean her actual backside that’s really quite pompous and intrusive; I’m not talking about Kanye this time, though he is, by very definition, a pompous ass).

When asked to elaborate on his feelings, Bruce claimed that he was merely worried that Kim might be rushing into things and not exactly looking down the road for possible fallout.

If you remember, Kim claimed that she’s, in no way, shape, or form, ready to hop back up on the dating horse just yet. But I’m thinking there’s an addendum to that which we’re just not hearing; something maybe along the lines of “unless said horse has got a really big penis and is marginally more famous than the last dude she boned three times in a row.”

I’ve Got a Lot of Questions About Kris Humphries’ New Photo Shoot

photo of kris humphries pictures photos pics
… But mostly, I think I just really want to know why he’s wearing so much eyeshadow.

I’ve got other questions, too, like ‘how does it feel to be dumped for Kanye West’, and ‘why do Kim’s friends hate Kris so much’, because Kim’s people are blasting him for hanging out in the spotlight where Kim left him. From the Huffington Post:

“The pictures are ridiculous and just go to show how far Kris is willing to go to remain in the public spotlight,” a friend of Kim’s tells me. “I haven’t spoken with Kim about them, but you know she will get a good laugh when she sees them.”

[Another friend says] “He’s a dude, he’s in great shape and very attractive and wanted to show that off,” Derek Warburton tells me. “He was getting pulverized week after week on the cover of every magazine, and he’s cool. I wanted people to see that. This has blown up. Everyone is talking about Kris now.”

But Kris’s rep’s claim that the interview is on the up and up and has nothing to do with exploiting his sham-marriage to Kim any further:

“The allegations that he’s seeking revenge with this photo shoot are false and we remain adamant that personal issues will be handled by his legal team and not in the media.”

So, I don’t know. I just don’t. Is Kris a bad guy? No, I don’t think so. Is he overstaying his welcome in the celebrity world? That’s subjective. Some would argue that because Kim “created” him, he’s got every right to be there. Since she exploited him and molded him to be “famous,” this is the result. Who, after all, has the ultimate authority to decide who deserves to be famous for whatever reasons anyway, when we’ve got people like f-cking Snooki and The Situation and all of those ho-bag teen moms running around? At least Kris Humphries has things going for him – like how he’s, you know, a professional basketball player and not, YOU KNOW, famous for no reason other than the fact that his family has money and can throw it around like it’s piss on a dirty whore.

Of Course Kim Kardashian is Sleeping With Kanye West

photo of kim kardashian dating kanye west pictures photos pics
From TMZ:

Kim Kardashian and Kanye West are dating … for real … TMZ has learned.

Sources tell us the relationship is “just starting.” The two were photographed on their way out of a movie date to see “Hunger Games” in NYC last night.

Apparently, Kanye has been after Kim for a while — he just released a new song, “Theraflu” … in which he says he had feelings for the reality star while she was dating Kris Humphries.

“And I admit I fell in love with Kim … ‘Round the same time she fell in love with him … That’s cool, babygirl, do your thing … Lucky I ain’t had Jay drop him from the team.”

Kanye is referring to Jay Z — who owns the NJ Nets … the team Humphries plays for.

Wait. Wait. I want to talk about this lyric, “right around the time she fell in love with him.” She did not fall in love with Kris Humphries, can we just be clear about that? And if this isn’t some kind of f-cked up publicity stunt, then I don’t know what is. Here’s some real talk: Kim Kardashian is a nasty, attention-grabbing ho. And she married a semi-nobody like Kris Humphries for publicity. Why in hell would she do something like that if she knew that Kanye was interested? Bitch, please.

Kim also recently spoke to Cosmo UK, where she claimed that she wasn’t even “close” to being ready to date:

“[I'm] not even close” to dating again. I just don’t believe in one soul mate now. … I think you have different soul mates throughout your life, that your soul needs different things at different times. I do believe in love. I will always believe in love, but my idea has changed from what I’ve always thought.”

She must think that news travels really slow or whatever.

All I know is that Kanye West is the male equivalent of Kim Kardashian, minus all the pee. Thought you knew.

Sorry About the Whole ‘Two Kardashian Posts in One Day’ Thing

Although I suppose we should be broadening the parameters to include week, month, year, and – oh! right – ever.

Let’s just do this one by the numbers, shall we?

At the :13 mark, I just love how Khloe almost biffs and heads down the steps. That are about two and a half inches in rise. Love you girl!

:27. Kris Jenner makes me want to punch small, furry animals in the face. Hard.

:30. Yup. Still wanting to punch small, furry animals in the face.

:35. Any particular reason we’ve had to endure so much of Kris Jenner’s f-cking geriatric shimmying? Anyone?

:47. OF COURSE Kim‘s main lyric is “Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir.” You know what that means, people who don’t speak French? It means WILL YOU SLEEP WITH ME TONIGHT. Tramp.

1:04. My four-year-old just asked me why that lady was wiping her bum on the steps. I told her because she was a nasty, nasty lady.

1:10. What’s with the slo-mo hair whipping?

1:20. That’s as low as Kim can go? Doubt it.

1:28. Looks like an excerpt from Kim’s sex tape. Just with clothes and no F-list black man who’d later be partially responsible for the death of Whitney Houston.

Did I miss anything? Covered it all, did I?

This Would Be Kim Kardashian’s Real Butt

photo of kim kardashian in the dominican republic real butt ass pic
Look, it’s Kim Kardashian’s ass on vacation! She’s really taking it easy here, huh? Letting it all hang out, thinking that no one’s there to catch her while she suns her ass … ets. Everyone deserves a vacation, guys. Even lying, cheating, famesluts. That’s probably one of the most difficult, trying jobs of all. You’d need a few days off, too, if you were her.

Also, see this photo of Kim grabbing Wendy’s at the airport in the Dominican Republic on her way home? This one?:

photo of kim kardashian dominican republic airport pics
I was there. Like, literally. I remember how unbelievably open-air the airport was and I marveled at the fact that there were actual operating restaurants inside. I, too, chose the Wendy’s on my way home from the DR, and it was a good choice. See, here’s a photo of me from back in the day eating my Wendy’s and drinking my beers pre-flight:

photo of sarah taylor spangenberg dominican republic trip pics
Don’t laugh, I know. I was wearing my glasses and no bra because I had packed all lacy things and lace sucks on a fresh tan, and also, I was pretty hungover. Plus, if you couple those things with the facts that I was leaving paradise to return to cold weather + no air conditioning during meal time, you’d probably have a sadmad face, too. Anyway, we’re not here to discuss my un-photogenic-ness. We’re here to talk about the validity of Kim Kardashian’s ass. It’s real, guys. There’s no doubt about that. Even though, yeah, she’s Photoshopped for days in all of her ads and staged photo ops and you normally can’t tell her tits from her ass, but these pictures, guys. These pictures. There’s a definite ass-tits differential there, and if – if! – Kim’s ass has been surgically altered (a notion that I’m starting think is wrong more and more as the days go by), then she’s definitely closed up shop on the upkeep and maintenance of her plastic parts. Don’t get me wrong, though, now: it’s a fine, fine ass. It’s just not an ass that I’d pay money for, you know?
And she shouldn’t have, either, if she wasn’t willing to take proper care of the thing.

Bikini images courtesy of The Superficial