Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Katy Perry

Quotables: Russell Brand Uses His Manners, Is “Fine”

photo of katy perry and russell brand pictures photos pics
“Quite well, thank you. Are you asking because of recent events? You are making the mistake of seeing time as linear. The brilliant American author Kurt Vonnegut, he’ll tell you that if you imagine reality as experienced simultaneously, events become redundant.”

This is what Russell Brand had to say when he was asked how he was doing this past weekend.

You know, something about a lot of European folks: they’ve still got some manners left after all these years. And that’s not to say that Americans don’t, because that’s just not generally true, but if an American actor (even an American actor like the revered Ryan Gosling) said something like this in response to a paparazzi’s question, they’d be considered pretentious, vague, and annoying. When it comes from the mouth of someone with a refined accent (and not a chewy US East Coast accent), it’s seen as so much more tolerable. Seriously, as much as I’m not a huge Russell Brand fan, he’s looking better and better as the days go by.

Like I said last week.

And the week before, too.

Also, I love that he’s been educated enough to have read Kurt Vonnegut and is able to correlate ideas from literature and apply their basis in day-to-day events. I mean, that kind of stuff’s probably way over Katy Perry’s reading level. I’ll bet she stopped at Are You There God, It’s Me, Margaret or at the very least, Twilight.

Lastly, Evil Beet’s now on Pinterest! If you don’t know what it is, it’s kind of like Facebook, just without all of the annoying people who feel the need to update you on every bodily function that they engage in or do their best in trying offend everyone with their weirdo BS and only end up being looked at with piteous contempt. There’s also more cool stuff to look at than just I CAN HAS CHEEZBURGER. And since it’s sort of all about sharing cool stuff, we thought, ‘Hey, why not. If we’re going to do this thing, we may as well do it right,’ huh?

Check us out and if you’re not already hooked up, request an invite straight through Pinterest and get on the cool kid bus.

Love It or Leave It: … This is What Katy Perry Does for a Rebound Look?

photo of katy perry pictures photos blue hair first picture since divorce pics
Oh, well isn’t that cute. Katy Perry in short, blue hair. With some random dude. And this is the first sort-of-candid public photo that’s appeared of Katy since news of her husband filing for a surprise divorce.

I don’t know. If I was still reeling from an alleged emotional blow like blindly being dumped by the love of my life (whom I happened to enter into the sanctified pact of marriage), I don’t quite know that I’d be showing up in public places looking like … well, this. The blue hair, the bob (which wouldn’t be all that bad, save for the color), the American-themed – what is that? – windbreaker? Is Katy a very festive Olympian these days? That what it is? Is she trying to win Russell back via impressive athletic feats whilst training for the summer Olympics, which are, conveniently, being held in London this year? Seems all too planned to me, but hell. What do I know about the true nature of Katy Perry.

I don’t know how you guys feel, but all I know is that Russell‘s mum’s-the-word type of crisis management is making him look better and better in comparison to Katy and her … whatever this whole thing is. Bitchy, immature, party-hard, star-spangled avoidance.

And is that saying much? Well, I don’t know. You be the judge.

Katy Perry’s Dad Is So Lame

A photo of Keith Hudson

This is the man who is halfway responsible for bringing Katy Perry into this world. His name is Keith Hudson. And for real, he is so lame. He’s so lame that he wears shirts that are unnecessarily tight, just so you can see a hint of man boob. He’s so lame that the only hair he has on his whole head is in the form of little tiny eyebrows and a soul patch. He’s so lame that he makes horrible anti-Semitic remarks as part of his sermon.

Here’s what he had to say during his preachin’ last week at church:

“You know how to make the Jew jealous?” he said at the Church on the Rise, a nondenominational church in Westlake, Ohio. “Have some money, honey. You go to L.A. and they own all the Rolex and diamond places. Walk down a part of L.A. where we live and it is so rich it smells. You ever smell rich? They are all Jews, hallelujah! Amen.”

But wait, it’s ok! I know it sounds kind of bad, but it’s not like that, it was all just taken out of context!

The Church on the Rise told CNN in a statement on Tuesday that Hudson’s words were taken out of context.

“Keith Hudson was praying for different individuals and groups of people and he asked for business men and women to stand so that he could pray for them to be blessed and prosperous in their business pursuits,” the statement says. “The comment was intended as a compliment, not as a criticism.”

See, now don’t we all feel so much better about it? When Keith Hudson was spouting those tired old stereotypes about Jews, it was intended as a compliment. Get it? Yeah, no one else did either, because Keith had to issue an apology to the Anti-Defamation League:

“I deeply regret the hurtful and ugly language I used in my message in Ohio,” Mr. Hudson wrote.  “I used images about Jews rooted in the worst anti-Semitism in the past, images that at times led to the persecution and murder of Jews.  I can’t tell you where I picked up phrases and descriptions that became part of my vocabulary.  I used them without ever considering what they meant.  … I apologize for the hurt that I caused my Jewish friends.  With the help of G-d, it will not happen again.”

I’ve done a bit of public speaking in my time, and I’ve always found that a good rule of thumb when giving a speech is to actually know what you’re going to say. I think that when you’re speaking in front of hundreds of people, and a lot of them are actually listening to you, it’s a good idea to consider what you’re saying. Is that crazy?

Really, I think what needs to happen is Katy Perry’s parents need to take a break, and just stop talking. About anything. If they keep going the way they’re going, then it would be most beneficial for everyone if they just stopped talking until they can think about the words that come out of their mouths.

Russell Brand Let the Porn World Know He Planned on Leaving Katy Perry Months Ago

So, as the headline reads, Russell Brand was even cluing in those caught in the skinfolds of entertainment that he was getting ready to gear up and cheat with other American sorority wimminz. If you can’t view the video for whatever reason, here’s really the only thing you need to know:

“I am going to meet people from sororities and fraternities. I don’t know what a sorority is except for what I have seen on Nudevista – that they are sort of sex clubs for women. A week of revolution and, more importantly, I am going to learn first-hand about sororities. [Brand takes wedding ring off] I’m just going to place this somewhere very, very safe for the next week.”

The video was posted on Nudevista, which is a porn site that caters to … well, I don’t know. Here’s my most generic of generic answers: People who look at porn. I was kind of afraid to visit the site, to be honest with you, after hearing that Russell himself had a weird sex fetish involving handicapped men in wheelchairs. Sorry, but that’s not stuff that I want to take the chance of possibly encountering, you know?

So, right. Katy Perry‘s estranged husband, a “reformed” sex addict, was chilling out on porno sites and possibly planning to embark on a US tour of American coed puss. She definitely chose a winner, there. The best thing about all this? Rumor has it that Katy’s traveled to the UK to persuade Russell to give their relationship another go.

But if Brand really did take a tour of the country’s best, would you still want him back? Wait, let’s scratch that from the record. Katy took Russell’s hand in marriage despite this kind of stuff. Maybe we’ll see a special appearance from Katy Perry on Nudevista sometime soon, too – just not for the reasons you might think.

Katy Perry Isn’t Even Going to The People’s Choice Awards

A photo of Katy Perry

This morning, Jenn told you all about how Russell Brand was uninvited from the People’s Choice Awards because “it will be Katy’s big night” and organizers wanted to “avoid any awkwardness or confrontation.” Jenn called it high schoolish, and boy, did she hit the nail on the head with that one. This is precisely like Russell and Katy getting an invite to the cool kids’ party, but then they get into this fight and they are so over, so the cool kids decide to just have Katy there because OMG she is so much more popular and like wouldn’t that be the greatest?

But you guys. Katy isn’t even going to the party. Check out this Tweet:

Unfortunately I will not be able to attend the People’s Choice Awards. I want to thank u all for voting for me, fingers crossed! #KATYCATS

And now you get neither, People’s Choice Awards.  Did you learn your lesson?

In other news originating from Katy Perry’s Twitter, she has stated that the love and support from her fans means a lot to her – “you guys have made my heart happy again” – and she’s also made it clear that, in these trying times, no one else speaks for her, “not a blog, magazine, ‘close sources,’ or my family.”

But why did Katy specifically mention her family? Why, because her parents are using the publicity from her divorce to get people to visit their church. Sweet, right?

Just as moving vans pulled up to Katy Perry and Russell Brand’s Hollywood Hills home, Perry’s parents discussed their daughter’s impending divorce for the first time, from the pulpit of their evangelical ministry. During a worship service this week, the two said that they believed Perry’s split was God’s way of bringing people to church.

Mary and Keith Hudson saw an unusual surge in the crowd at their Church on the Rise in Westlake, Ohio, during the week following Brand’s filing for divorce from Perry after just 14 months of marriage. The Hudsons advertise being “Kate Perry’s Parents” on the roadside sign for their congregation.

“I’m sure that Katy’s trending on the Internet was to get you here to church tonight,” Mary Hudson said from the pulpit, to a crowd of 300. “I mean all over the world, who knows how God is bringing them in? The most important thing is you are here and God wants to put the fire in you in 2012.”

Keith Hudson added, “What has taken place in my daughter’s life has opened many opportunities to go in and be with guarded and gated people. God has given us a platform to go in and meet people — and they like us because we are cool. We are not threatening.”

He furthered that the couple were not upset with their daughter for getting divorced, often frowned upon by their religion.

“I love my daughter and I will always love her,” Keith Hudson continued. “Stop being judgmental and critical. Do not close the doors to your loved ones, especially your children. Just because they do not like what you do or what you are, they are still praying that you stay in the race. They are counting on you.

“I believe in God, for every one of my children.”

Whoa.  Whoa.  Hold it right there, parents, because you have gone too far. I thought that you went too far with the Katy Perry tell-all, but now, I think I spoke too soon. I think the moment when you decided that any of this was in any way acceptable, that’s the moment you crossed the line.

But seriously, how awful is that? And where do you guys stand now: Team Russell or Team Everybody But Katy Perry’s Parents?

Oh: Russell Brand Isn’t Allowed to Attend the People’s Choice Awards

photo of russell brand likes cats pics

I have already gone on and on about how sad the Katy Perry/Russell Brand split is. It is so depressing.

This bears repeating, though: I think the couple is crazy-in-love with each other. Whatever ongoing fight they are in is so stupid.

But this? This is so much worse. The UK Mirror has the deets:

In a bizarre twist of events [Russell Brand,] the Brit comic, 36, has been mysteriously uninvited from a star-studded awards show to avoid a confrontation with estranged wife Katy.

Katy, 27, is collecting a gong for her hit album, singles and tour at the People’s Choice Awards in LA on January 11 where she’s up for seven awards, including Favourite Female Artist.

It will be her first official job since Russ filed for divorce after just 14 months together and both her and Russell had initially been invited.

A source said: “It will be Katy’s big night, a prelude to the Grammys, and now Russell has been strangely left off the list of attendees for the high-profile event.

“It was always going to be awkward for organisers in any case after their shock decision to split. But in order to avoid any awkwardness or confrontation Russ is no longer on the list.”

This. Is. So Awkward. Seriously. This whole thing used to be depressing; now, on top of being depressing, it is awkward! This has become high school crap. What is even going on, here?

I mean, how is disinviting somebody’s still-husband less awkward than simply letting the two people organically run into each other? People, am I wrong?

Another Day, Another “Why the Perry/Brand Marriage Ended” Theory

photo of katy perry picture and russell brand photo married divorced pics
Obviously, this marriage was doomed right from the start. And all of these “reasons” that the two are splitting? I’m willing, at this point, to bet that they’re ALL right.

From Us Magazine via Hollywood Life:

“Katy was kinky enough during their first times together and he was very attracted to her,” a source says. “When things got bad, if they got a roll in the hay, they were always better after.” But the source goes on to say that despite Katy’s attempts to keep the spark alive in the bedroom by scheduling monthly date nights at swanky hotels, it was “never enough.”

Russell’s sexually fetishes were also reportedly hard for Katy to keep up with. “He likes dirty things,” the source says. “He really gets off on one particular porno with a guy in a wheelchair. He’s attracted to things he can’t imagine happening to him.” Adding that Russell had a closet full of sex toys.

Well hell. You marry a sex addict and you’re, what, surprised that it doesn’t work out in the bedroom after the novelty wore off? Good Lord! If these guys hadn’t split up as soon as they did, I’d have given it another six months before we had another Tiger Woods-like scandal on our hands, complete with seedy porn stars and toothless prostitutes.

Here’re some quotes from Russell’s sex addict “past”:

“To this day, I feel a fierce warmth for women that have the same disregard for the social conventions of sexual protocol as I do. I love it when I meet a woman and her sexuality is dancing across her face, so it’s apparent that all we need to do is nod and find a cupboard.”

“I like threesomes with two women, not because I’m a cynical sexual predator. Oh no! But because I’m a romantic. I’m looking for “The One.” And I’ll find her more quickly if I audition two at a time.”

“I can’t believe I used to have sex 20 times a week, especially now I’m married. My peak was probably five a day. It was a bit much. I was always respectful though.”

They say a leopard doesn’t change its spots and all of that business, you know. Still surprised, Katy?