Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Katy Perry

Is Katy Perry Headed Towards Broadway?

A photo of Katy Perry

The answer: maybe. See, if My Week with Marilyn, the movie where Michelle Williams looks absolutely flawless as Marilyn Monroe, does well, producer Harvey Weinstein has big dreams of developing the story for Broadway, and if that move goes well, his first choice for the lead is none other than Katy Perry.

Gag me with a spoon.

There have been times before when I bitched about pop stars and teen idols making the leap to theatre. It just makes me sad, the thought of tons of kids screaming during a production of Les Mis like they’re at the Teen Choice Awards or something. But, as some of you have wisely pointed out in the comments, if it gets a younger audience into theatre, then it’s a good thing. And I can accept that. Here’s what I can’t accept: Katy Perry acting.

Her Sesame Street skit? Her bit on SNL? Her Proactiv commercial, for heaven’s sake? Come on now. To watch Katy Perry say scripted words for a minute and a half is tragically amusing at best, and someone is thinking of making her the star of an entire show?

And here I thought society was making progress.

Is Katy Perry Pregnant?

A photo of Heidi Klum and Katy Perry

Well, if we’re to judge by this here picture of Katy Perry with Heidi Klum at Sunday night’s American Music Awards or by a handful of other pictures from that night’s festivities, the answer would be a pretty solid “eh, yeah, i could see it.” Let’s face it, either Katy’s pregnant, she had a little too much food, or she needs to fire whoever picked out that dress for her*. So which is it? Does Katy Perry really already have a baby growing inside of her?

To quote Katy herself, “Hell no!” And if that’s not enough, don’t worry, this girl isn’t afraid of spelling it out:

“I like In-N-Out Burger and Taco Bell and if you want to make that pregnant that’s your problem,” she told The Insider. Among her other thoughts on pregnancy: “I still love drinking alcohol so not yet.”

During a concert at Madison Square Garden last week, Perry joked to the crowd that if she was rubbing her “bloated belly” during the show, it wasn’t because she’s about to be a mom. She said she had just been having too much fun sampling the “delicious” food in and around New York City.

There you have it. All that’s in Katy Perry’s tummy is fast food and liquor: no fetuses yet! Well, at least until the People’s Choice Awards in January. Do you think Katy could pull a Beyonce?

*Actually, she should go ahead and fire anyone who has ever picked out any clothes for her ever.

Quotables: Katy Perry Has A Really Refreshing View on Having Children

A photo of Katy Perry

“If it doesn’t hurt the first time, I’ll keep popping them out!”

- Good ol’ Katy Perry reveals her ideology on giving birth.

This sounds like pretty solid logic to me! How many kids do you think Katy will end up popping out? I mean, I’m aware of the “man, that whole ‘pushing a child out of your body’ sure does hurt a lot” mindset, but I’ve also heard a couple ladies say that it wasn’t as bad as everyone makes it out to be (and I cannot comment on the quantity or quality of drugs they may have been on at the time). Wouldn’t it be great if Katy was one of those ladies? Then she and Russell Brand would have a zillion kids and a few times a year or so Katy would put on the pink hair and some preposterous outfit and say “watch them babies, Russ, Mama’s gotta go shoot whipped cream out her boobies!” And then Russell takes a quiet moment to himself while the children are screaming and running around the house to meditate on what exactly he’s done.

Or maybe Katy will give birth once and throw in the towel because goddamn this hurts. I don’t know. The unpredictably is what makes it fun!

Watch This: Katy Perry’s Official Vid for “The One That Got Away”

The Internet, with all its promises of Diego Luna, just tricked me into watching the new Katy Perry video, “The One That Got Away.”

Don’t get me wrong—this is not a great music video. It’s silly. This isn’t a very good song, either (to adapt something my friend Matt once said about Rihanna, “She’s really good at riding one note”). When she’s “acting,” Katy Perry is given to melodrama, and ugh, the old-age makeup she’s wearing is just terrible.

But Diego Luna…! Real, actual-good-actor Diego Luna…! So handsome and artistically tortured, with his leather jacket and his hair all wild! Leaving Katy Perry in a fit of indignant ire! Oh, no! Now they’ll never grow old together! Oh, no!

It’s as credible a romantic scenario as any, and then there’s all that wistfulness and that Johnny Cash song, and in spite of myself, I may have gotten the sniffles. (Or maybe I bawled uncontrollably and rolled around the floor for awhile.) Damn you, Perry! Damn you!

No, I Don’t Really Have a Story for This Photo, Sorry

photo of katy perry making weird odd face pictures photos pics

Sometimes, I think, we need that break from things actually making sense and having rhyme and reason behind them. Sometimes we just need to do random acts of kindness, and by doing that, passing the love and paying it all forward. Plus, I never get to participate in these nifty Caption This contests that we have, so this one, guys? Is going to be all for me.

Best captions for the above Katy Perry photo:

- “Put that thing back where it came from or so help me (so help me!).”

- “If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is ‘God is crying’. And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is ‘Probably because of something you did.”

-”EXPECTO PATRONUM!”

I feel the circle’s been completed now, guys.

Katy Perry Does a Snow White-Themed Photo Shoot, Kind Of

photo of katy perry pictures photos ghd snow white evil queen photos pics nudes

This is Katy Perry‘s latest endorsement, GHD Hair. From what I gathered on the website, GHD carries a full range of haircare products, but really, really prides themselves on their ‘Scarlet’ flat iron. But what I want to know is who the hell uses a flat iron these days, aside from maybe Pete Wentz or Ashlee Simpson? I mean, I still have my flat iron from the days when flat irons were the thing to own, but I sure as hell wasn’t dropping two hundred bucks on something that I was able to pay fifty for back in 2004. But hey. Everyone’s gotta make money, far be it for me to judge for what, Courtney Stodden.

Quotables: Katy Perry Is Made of Unicorns and Care Bears

A photo of Katy Perry

“I’m not going to sit and be steamrolled; I’m going to stand up against things that are unjust. I am full of unicorns and Care Bears 99 percent of the time, but don’t open Pandora’s Box of that other 1 percent — because it’s there!”

- Katy Perry wants you to know that she is not to be messed with.

You guys, I have never felt so close to a celebrity in all my life. Sure, I still think that Katy Perry is annoying and dumb and just ridiculous, but I feel her so hard right here. I don’t know if you knew, but I’m kind of not a real person. For instance, I cried twice this past Saturday – once because I was watching Dogs 101 and there was this sweet story about a sheepdog, and once because my boyfriend took me to see his family’s farm and there was a baby horse – and, listen, I love unicorns. I love them. And also, I, too, have a Pandora’s Box inside my soul. Most recently, it’s been opened by this fly who just won’t leave my bedroom and keeps trying to play with me while I try to sleep. Even my ferocious screams of “I’m going to kill you with my BEAR HANDS” followed by relentless attacks with my hands raised like bear claws do nothing to deter it.

Well, that’s enough about me. How are you guys feeling about Katy Perry today?