Ok, fine. Look, this isn’t really about what Katy Perry wore on the 4th of July, obviously. Her outfit isn’t that cute or awful or remarkable at all, and I don’t want to insult you by trying to pretend like that’s the focus of this story. No, the focus of this story is something much bigger, and much more shameful.
I have a confession to make: I went to see the Katy Perry movie last night. And I loved it.
I went as sort of a joke, honestly. I thought it would be really funny – and a good few parts of it were – and I wanted to tell you guys all about it. But at some point, I stopped making fun of her and I started rooting for her. The movie showed quite a few clips from a video she made when she was 18, when she talked about how she wanted to write songs and become a star, and it showed a lot of clips of her interacting with fans. There was this one particularly adorable part where this little boy interviewed her backstage, and oh man, don’t even get me started on the segments with Katy’s grandma.
Then there were the parts about Russell Brand, and since I’m being completely honest here, I’ll go ahead and tell you that I cried a little bit. She did an interview at the beginning of the tour where she said that she’d found the love of her life, which was especially sad, since we all know how that ended. Then, later in the tour, when Katy got the news that Russell had filed for divorce… jeez. You see her lying in her makeup chair and just crying while her assistant and her makeup artist whisper about it. She reaches out her hand, and her assistance hands her this box, and Katy pulls out a necklace and puts it around her neck and starts crying harder, and her assistant tells her makeup artist that it’s a necklace that Russell got for her. They ask her if she wants to cancel the show or just do her best, and she tells them to start putting on her makeup. For her first entrance in the show, she comes up through the floor on this platform, and you see her just doubled over, sobbing, and the crowd is chanting her name, and finally she stands up straight, gives a nod, and puts on a big smile. It’s actually kind of heartbreaking.
But then there were parts that were not so endearing, like when Russell sent her a text joking that they should name their firstborn son after Ronald McDonald, and she said “babies can’t have babies, and I’m still a baby.” Remember when they got married and they both did all those interviews about having all those babies together? Yeah, that’s kind of shitty.
Regardless, what I’m trying to tell you is that for the next few weeks or so, I’m probably going to be a Katy Perry fan. I know that that was the goal of the movie, and I know that it was edited to make Katy look like a fun, awesome, saint of a pop star. I hate myself a little for buying into it, but I already know that I’ll be singing “Part of Me” for the rest of the weekend, and sometimes you just have to give in to this sort of thing, you know?