Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Katy Perry

John Mayer Dumped Katy Perry a Second Time

photo of katy perry and john mayer pictures
Well, no, that’s allegedly not exactly what happened, but it’s what I’m betting happened. Come on, Katy begged John to take her back the first time he dumped her, so who’s to say that John didn’t kick her ass to the curb again? Here’s the thing—if you’re a dick like John Mayer, this is how it goes: once you gain that upper hand in a relationship, and it’s plain as the nose on your face that the other person in the relationship is way into it more than you are, it’s a f-cking game. It’s a “keep you around ’til something better comes my way,” and it’s probably what John Mayer lives by.

Sources are saying that Katy dumped John, but let’s be real—John has no friends (or, let’s be honest, “friends”) to speak of, therefore he’s got no one to leak statements to the media. He does the shit himself, and this time around, I don’t think he could be bothered to care. Katy, on the other hand? Doubtless she wants to look the fool a second time, so her people are probably working overtime to leak the right statements to the right outlets. Here’s the unofficial version of what happened:

“John just can’t commit, and he kept luring Katy back with promises that was going to change, but then he didn’t. Katy was pretty crazy about him, so she kept giving him another chance. John liked Katy, so he wanted to keep her in his life, but it just wasn’t up to Katy’s standards. She needs the guy to be on board 100 percent and she was sick of John disappearing for five days at a time, then booty calling her, then straightening up and treating her well, only to go back to his old behavior a few days later.”

And, honestly speaking, I just don’t see this being legit. I see Katy hoping that John would change his ways (because all that up there about him sounds spot-on), and when he didn’t, she got sad. And sad Katy is probably not all that much fun in the sack, and isn’t that what John is all about anyway? This is the dude that wrote ‘Your Body is a Wonderland’ ffs, not ‘You’re No Fun in the Sack, But I’m With You ‘Til the End of Time Anyway’.

Who ended it, guys?

Katy Perry Is Throwing Herself A Divorce Party

A photo of Katy Perry

From The Sun:

Katy Perry is looking forward to what would be her second wedding anniversary – by organising a divorce party.

The singer’s not doing it to spite Russell Brand. It’s to make sure the build-up to her birthday isn’t depressing.

A source said: “Katy has been dreading October 23 for weeks now and has been trying to think of ways to turn it into something positive.

“It’s her birthday two days later and the last thing she wanted to do was spend that week depressed and miserable, which would then mean not doing anything to celebrate her birthday.

“Her pals have been persuading her to have a huge party or go to Vegas for a few days but Katy decided on throwing a small gathering at her home.

“She has decided to call it her divorce party and it will be a day of doing what she loves with her favourite people.”

Russell’s been having a divorce party for ages, given all the women he’s been with since his marriage to Katy ended.

I know this is from The Sun, but come on, you can’t tell me that you couldn’t see Katy Perry doing something like this. One small change though: the part where it says that she’s not doing it to spite Russell Brand? Just take that “not” out of there. Because she’s definitely doing it to spite Russell Brand.

Quotables: Russell Brand Talks Katy Perry Split Again

photo of katy perry and russell brand together pictures

“Sometimes it goes well, sometimes it don’t, but if you sort of sense there’s an incompatibility, then in any relationship regardless of the status of the individual, it kind of is best to go separate ways. I think if you’re someone who’s really into mountain biking, it would be good to go out with someone else who’s into mountain biking, and if you’re really into Eastern mysticism, go out with someone else who into Eastern mysticism. I think if you’re a devoted tennis professional and you get married to a crystal meth addict, you might have trouble … I’ve been in a lot of trouble.”

So … what’s he saying? Does Katy like mountain biking? Did they break up over mountain biking? Because man, I know that if I were married to someone who was always up my ass to go mountain biking (I’m not a fan of mountain biking, or, to be quite honest, exercising much in any form—I’m more of a, “Hey, you go mountain biking, and while you’re gone, I’ll cook a lovely dinner and homemade apple pie, and after dinner, we could watch reruns of I Love Lucy” or some shit and oh by the way I’m going to stay in my pajamas and drink wine the entire damn time, OK?”), then jeez. I’d divorce their sorry exercise-maniac self, too. Gosh.

No, but seriously. Of course I get him. I understand what Russell‘s saying. I’m not a complete moron, I promise. He’s saying that there was just a staggering bit of incompatibility, and I get that. And to be quite honest, though I don’t think his stand-up routine is the funniest thing in the world (my personal favorite? Mitch Hedberg. OH MY GOD was that guy funny as balls), I do seem to like him more and more each and every time he opens his mouth lately.

Russell, +4, Katy -12.

Here’s Mitch, by the way. It’s not his funniest stuff, but even his non-funniest stuff is the funniest stuff I ever heard, which I know, makes no sense. And which is probably why I like Mitch so much, too, because he also makes no sense. That seems to be a common theme with me. Mitch:

Katy Perry Wants to Do the Eat, Pray, Love Thing, Too. Oh, and She Almost Married John Mayer Last Week.

photo of katy perry pictures eat pray love volcano twitter pic
See this picture? It’s Katy Perry. On a volcano-top. The best part is probably the caption on the photo, though. It reads:

I ate, I prayed, I climbed a volcano.

So, so deep, Katy.

In previous days, Katy’s Twitter feed has looked something like this:

Getting some shit out my chakra’s! #eloquent

Starting the day with a group meditate #breakfastofchampions

I can feel the phoenix rising.

Hopefully when Katy talks about getting “shit” out of her chakras (and not “chakra’s), she means John Mayer. Because guys. I heard something that really left me quite unsettled, even though I think Katy Perry’s a big stupid asshole and nothing about her should surprise me at this point anyway. But do you know what I heard? I heard that Katy Perry and John Mayer almost got married during their recent trip to Las Vegas. No joke. Word is that the two got wasted and thought it’d be a great idea to, you know, tie that knot, because that’s what you’re supposed to do when you have a pure, enduring love, but the two backed out when they realized that they just couldn’t stand up straight at the altar—translation? They were too drunk to go through with it.

Even worse, Katy’s allowing John to move in with her in a sense. And it’s because it’s just “easier” for John to stay at her house rather than at hotels while he’s in L.A., so she’s gone ahead and given him a key to her house. A friend says that it just makes sense, guys, so there’s no arguing with it:

“John thinks it is easier to stay in hotels rather than his own L.A. pad when he visits from New York. But Katy insists he should stay with her. She thinks it makes sense.”

Ugh. Is there anyone more depressing and embarrassing and sad as this chick? I’m starting to feel bad for Katy Perry, and that’s quite a feat, considering all things.

Katy Perry and John Mayer are Visiting Strip Clubs Together Now

photo of katy perry and john mayer pictures photos
From People:

The on-again off-again couple were spotted in Sin City early Sunday morning. With a group of friends, the duo spent their night out at Spearmint Rhino … a strip club!

“They were together in a group,” an onlooker tells PEOPLE. “As for whether they got dances, they were in a strip club … you do the math.”

The group had so much fun, they stayed until 5 a.m.

Yes, because the only thing creepier than the idea of Katy Perry at a strip club, mauling all of the seedy strippers, is the idea of John Mayer at a strip club, mauling all of the seedy strippers. Together.

In what can only be best described as Katy’s last-ditch effort to resuscitate a weird relationship that’s better off non-existent, the “couple” visited a strip club in Las Vegas, as you read above. The two were said to have a big blowout before the MTV VMAs, and have only gotten back together over their mutual love of boobs. From Zee News:

Singer Katy Perry and partner singer John Mayer reportedly had a huge fight before appearing for the MTV Video Music Awards ceremony.

The couple was seen in a glum mood at the award night Sep 6.

“John and Katy had been to dinner at Italian restaurant Madeo before going to the party and something had clearly gone on,” quoted a source as saying.

“When they turned up to the Esquire event, Katy was walking well in front of John and it was clear they had just had a fight,” the source added.

They could not shift their bad mood to a happy one.

“Inside, their tempers were both boiling and they eventually disappeared to have it out in a private room away from other partygoers,” the source said.

And what, oh what, did they do in that private room, dare I ask? Did it have anything to do with strippers? Because I definitely think it probably had a lot to do with strippers. Gross.

Wait! Katy Perry And John Mayer Are Back Together!

A photo of John Mayer and Katy Perry

Do you see that photo? Ok, now you see that douchebag in the top row wearing the white cowboy hat? That would be John Mayer. And, as you can see, that raven-haired lady to his left (our right, you guys, I’m not talking about the girl in the polka dot dress with the drunk face) is none other than Katy Perry. This picture was taken last night at a music festival in L.A. BOOM.

And here’s another blurry picture from some girl on Twitter, just in case there are any doubters among us:

A photo of John Mayer and Katy Perry

So what happened? I believe that these two knuckleheads really did break up – it was in People, after all – but I’m not sure what happened to reunite them. Did John reconsider his heartbreaker instincts? Did he realize that Katy is the absolute best he’s going to get? Did Katy beg him to give her another chance?

Yep, it looks like it’s that last one:

A source close to the recently divorced pop star says Perry isn’t over her breakup with the crooner, and has been “texting John late at night asking him to take her back.”

The insider says, “She’s been really depressed and needs attention,” adding that, “she really liked him and thought it was going to be something serious.”

As Confidenti@l reported last week, the “Wide Awake” singer put the brakes on communicating with Mayer briefly after their early August split, but we hear the radio silence didn’t last long. A source says Perry got word one of Mayer’s pals was having a birthday party at Shore Bar in Santa Monica, which is owned by Perry’s friends John Terzian and Adam Koral.

The buxom brunette arrived there hoping to run into her ex “by accident,” but upon seeing Perry, we hear Mayer’s friends warned him of her presence. “He purposely skipped his own friend’s birthday so he wouldn’t have to run into her that night,” says the source, who is close to both parties.

Perry was first linked to Mayer in June. “She has been calling and drunk-texting him even after her friends have told her not to,” says the source, adding that Perry’s been hanging around other men “to make him jealous.”

Reports say Mayer dumped Perry over e-mail.

A rep for Perry did not respond for a request for comment.

Man, who would have thought that Katy Perry would be just like that girl you know who gets drunk and sloppy and starts texting every guy she’s ever been in a relationship with? Oh, everyone thought that? My bad, you guys.

John Mayer Dumped Katy Perry Via Email

photo of katy perry and john mayer dumped email pictures photos
Whoa, is Katy Perry turning into creepy Taylor Swift, whose estranged boyfriends are too afraid to dump her in person, so they opt for phone or email instead? Burn, I guess, because that’s what pretty much happened—John Mayer, sick of Katy Perry’s hard-partying ways, dumped girlfriend in an email. A source says, “He [John] dumped her [Katy] over email. She was furious and really hurt. She was into him, but he wasn’t feeling it.”

And I guess I’m not all that surprised. While, yeah, Katy Perry’s not one of my most favorite people in the world, John Mayer is even less so, and he would take the cheap way out and kick Katy to the curb through electronic mail.

However, can we back it up a second here and talk about how John Mayer supposedly dumped Katy Perry because of her partying habits? Because man. Katy must really be off the hook in a Lindsay Lohan kind of way if no one wants to get serious with her because she’s a wasted mess. Is Katy becoming the class drunk of Hollywood? You know, people pumping and dumping her because, yeah, she’s easy and she’s hot, but she’s no one to get settled with because really, who wants to clean up tears and vom every time they go out to a club or a bar? Or public, for that matter? I knew people like that in a different lifetime, and guess what—ten years later, they’re still alone and so, so desperately do not want to be.

Get a grip, Katy. Jeez.

Why John Mayer really dumped Katy Perry:

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