Emily gave you guys the rundown the other day that John Mayer had kicked Katy Perry’s sweet tits to the curb, and did you think it was going to end right there? Because oh hell no. No, word on the street is confirming that John was the one to end the relationship, and Katy’s all broken up about it, because she was really “starting to fall” for John. (Insert ‘gag’ here.)
“They weren’t serious, but she was really starting to fall for him,” a source close to Perry, 27, tells PEOPLE. “She wasn’t seeing forever with him, but saw it lasting longer than it did.”
I guess this says a lot for the state of John Mayer’s confidence. If he’s willing to pump and dump every A-list chick he can get his hands on (even if they’re just fleetingly A-list), he’s going to do it, and do it without worrying that maybe he won’t get his grubby little fingers on another. Because clearly, he’s not worrying that maybe he won’t get his grubby little fingers on another. BECAUSE HE WILL GET HIS GRUBBY LITTLE FINGERS ON ANOTHER.
Another source says that John’s already moved on, and he’s looking for his latest victim. Eyewitnesses placed him at the Soho House this past Thursday night (sans Katy Perry, of course), moving in on two women while drinking and making bedroom eyes. He probably took both of them home that night, too.
Just to recap? Here’s some of the women that John Mayer has hooked up with (some for sure, and some alleged; alleged are denoted by asterisk):
I mean, gosh. Who’s next? Better question, really—who’s left?
August 25, 2012 at 10:00 am by Sarah
I’m so sorry, everyone. I’m sorry that we all have to start the day off with this kind of thing hanging over our heads. We all know that true love is a fleeting thing, something that’s so rare to catch and so hard to hold onto, so let’s take a moment of silence for one such love that just couldn’t last: the beautiful love that was so briefly but so strongly shared between Katy Perry and John Mayer.
Take all the time you need to compose yourself before reading on, all right? And when you’re ready, here’s the soundtrack:
We don’t know exactly what happened to bring an end to this love, and I apologize that I don’t have more answers for you. I can tell you that sources told Us Weekly that “she’s really upset about it” and that “she’s making it seem like it wasn’t serious with John, but she is hurt,” but People‘s sources tried to play it cool by just saying that “they were honestly having fun” and “people made it out to be far more than it was.” That source also speculates that the two will “end up as friends.” A likely story, source.
What a bummer summer, you guys.
August 24, 2012 at 4:30 am by Emily
See these two? It’s just getting gross. Now, I’ve never been a fan of John Mayer‘s look, either before or after his new 1980′s country-and-western-style Hee Haw garb of late, but John Mayer, guys, is just not attractive. Like, not at all. He looks like he’s got some lice chilling in that long, pulled back Johnny Depp-wannabe hair, and I would imagine that he’s all sorts of marshmallow soft underneath the many layers of skanky t-shirts he wears, and while there’s nothing particularly wrong with that, it’s wrong because of his face. His face makes it wrong.
This is the two of them at a mutual friend’s pool party earlier this month, and I think it’s a safe thing to say that these two are an “item,” if you can stand to call them that, too.
Wonder what it’s like for John to be dating a “real” woman, and not someone like Taylor Swift. One thing’s for sure … at least we know that if and when Katy and John give up the ghost, that Katy won’t be writing any songs lambasting John.
Oh wait ….
August 16, 2012 at 7:30 am by Sarah
So, I’m sure you can imagine that a photo of a celebrity in this kind of situation will always, always render some pretty interesting results, and in this case, it was more than just a, “Ha, Katy Perry wiped out.” No, this was a full-on, “OMG LOL LOOK AT KATY PERRY‘S BARE ASS,” because that’s exactly what happened.
I won’t bore you with a lot of details, but I will tell you that when I saw these pictures this morning, I literally laughed myself off the chair, which isn’t too hard a feat to do these days, because, on a side note, I had the funniest thing ever happen to me this past weekend, and it’s been really, really easy to giggle at nothing (especially fully-exposed asses) since then.
So, my best friend of two decades came down to visit me (seriously, we’ve been friends since 1st grade), and we all decided to go out on Saturday night to have dinner and a drink and do some karaoke (because I love karaoke, dammit). My parents thought it would be a fun thing to come, too, so they did, and so we did, too, and halfway through the night, a younger kid approached me and said, “Wow, blah blah blah you have a pretty good voice, you should sing this one,” and he gestured to something in The Book. And, joking around, I said, “I’m not going to sing anything else ’til my mother gets up there and sings something!” And the kid turned around, looked at my friend, and said “Well, come on, mom, get up there and do something!” To which my best friend—who is the same age as I am—positively exploded, saying, “You think I’m her mother?! Her mother? Oh hell no.” She then turned around and looked at my husband and my actual mother and cried, “Look up a song called GO TO HELL so I can sing it just for this kid.”
Guys, I laughed so hard at the entire situation that I thought I was having a seizure. The whole world stopped (including any and all breathing that might have been happening during that ninety-second period), and for an entire minute, all I could do was clutch my stomach and laugh silently. The kid … I don’t even know where he went, because I was too busy trying to keep my insides together, but needless to say, the guy didn’t approach us for the rest of the evening.
Anyway. It’s over, and I guess you’d've had to have been there to get it, but hey. Funny stories, right? Jump in to see Katy Perry’s full-on moon, because FUNNY STORIES.
August 13, 2012 at 7:30 am by Sarah
Whatever, though. It’s Katy’s business if she wants to do stuff like this, and it’s also Katy’s business if she, you know, should happen to put a gag order on Russell Brand, banning him from talking about her anymore. Because she did!
From the UK’s Daily Star:
KATY Perry is seeking a gagging order to stop Russell Brand speaking about their failed marriage in public.
The irate pop star has instructed her lawyers to stop her ex-husband from discussing their doomed relationship in TV interviews.
The celebrity couple are thought to have agreed to keep a dignified silence when agreeing terms of their quickie divorce in January.
And Katy, 27, now wants that enforced by the law after Russell, 37, failed to live up to his end of the agreement.
According to friends of the Part Of Me singer, the final straw came last week when the comic made jokes about their sex life in a radio interview with Howard Stern.
A pal told the Daily Star Sunday: “Katy is fed up with Russell constantly making reference to their marriage in interviews.
“While it’s mainly harmless and often even complimentary, she’s sick to death of his comments being splashed all over the news and magazines.
“Katy went berserk after the interview with Howard Stern.
“She called lawyers and told them to put a gagging order on Russ to prevent him from speaking about her in public again.
“Katy vowed never to reveal the ins and outs of their marriage breakdown or speak about Russell in any way.
“All she wants is the same in return.”
So, in short, it’s OK for Katy Perry to do all that talking about her and Russell’s dissolved marriage, but it’s not OK for him to talk about their dissolved marriage? Why, because he’s actually kind of funny, and she’s not? Because I kind of think that’s why.
August 12, 2012 at 8:00 am by Sarah
… So serious that they’re having overnighters. Gosh. I never even thought that these two would be sleeping together by now, let alone SLEEPING TOGETHER. Gross. According to E!, they’ve been having sleepovers for awhile now:
“She has been having sleepovers there,” says a source. “It is very private and they’ve been sneaking in and out. It has been going on for a while.”
They probably only have eyes for each other, but should these rumored lovebirds want some companionship, Mayer’s house is just down the road from E!’s own Kris and Bruce Jenner’s Hidden Hills home.
I’m still not entirely sure I buy this. See, John‘s got this faux-deep side to him that he thinks attracts every woman known to man (and in the past, it … well, it has), but all of the women that John Mayer’s attracted have had at least three or four brain cells in their heads. Katy? Well. I’m not even sure she’s got that many. What’s in it for her, aside from fabricated mental and emotional stimulation? God only knows.