Hey, Happy Belated New Year! Did you guys watch the ball drop this past Monday night? Gosh, I didn’t even make it to 10:30 this year, but I guess when you have the stomach flu, that’s to be expected. I spent more time in the bathroom this weekend than really anywhere else, so when I heard that Kathy Griffin was all but fellating Anderson Cooper on CNN, I felt really, really good about where I’d virtually rung in the New Year.
Reportedly, Kathy thought it’d be cute and funny to pretend to go down on Anderson while they attempted to talk about the holiday. It all started off by Kathy threatening to “tickle” Anderson’s “sack,” to which an embarrassed Anderson giggled nervously. Kathy responded that saying the word “sack” on national television was completely OK, and immediately after the ball dropped (no pun intended), Kathy repeatedly kissed Anderson’s crotch area (again, for the world to see) as the citizens of Eastport, Maine, kissed a statue of a sardine as per tradition. Her defense? She was kissing her own sardine statue. You know. No big deal.
In short? Kathy Griffin is a lewd, crude bitch who is only funny in certain circles, and I don’t know how—at all—people could really consider putting her on live television. It’s not like it’s the first time that she’s gone and pulled stunts like this. Did she strip down to her bra and underwear last year on the New Year’s show, also alongside Anderson Cooper? Because she definitely did.
I noticed that on Fridayish a lot of celebrities tweeted about something called “Carmageddon,” and I thought it was so weird that a 1997 computer game was suddenly getting this much visibility. So I googled for answers. Turns out the LAPD actually asked celebrities to go on Twitter and announce that the 405 Freeway will be closed all weekend. Yawn.
In spite of his technical difficulties, I still say Steve Martin is the only old man who should be allowed on Twitter:
As for Sarah Silverman, she is so right about this next thing. She should be a theater critic!
I think Yoko Ono is trying to get all existential and meta:
(I read that and snorted, and then I looked up and stared at my off-kilter lampshade, which is always and irretrievably off-kilter, and then I sloooowly realized that maybe Yoko Ono wants me to tilt my entire living room to match my one lampshade.)
Rob Schneider hasn’t made a good movie in ages—or ever?—but his career could be worse. He definitely has his priorities straight:
You see that half-naked ginger running into the bushes? That’s comedian Kathy Griffin, who moments before this photo was snapped, was dancing completely topless on a dock in Miami. Titties floppin’ all over the place, the whole deal. We have pictures after the jump, but before you go and check them out (and probably make disparaging remarks about her appearance and behavior in the comments,) can I just say that there’s something so refreshing about how shameless and non-shit giving this lady is? She’s fifty years old, she’s at the highest point in her career, and she still can’t help herself from dancing at the end of the dock like she’s a 16-year-old runaway living off of tips. You’re either the kind of person who can appreciate that level of spiritedness or not, and I’m the former.
Kathy Griffin’s semi-nudes are after the jump, fools. Read More
“You know, Kathy Griffin can do anything to me or say anything about me, because you know, she’s kind of this – she’s a 50-year-old adult bully is really what she is. … She’s kind of a has-been comedian and she can do those things to me. I would just ask for respect of my children. As she had stated on CNN that her New Year’s resolution was to destroy my 16-year-old daughter, that takes it a little too far. Kathy, pick on me, come up to Alaska and pick on me, but leave my kids alone.”
Oh how I would just LOVE to see a Kathy Griffin-Sarah Palin bitchfight erupt. It’d be grand on an epic scale of all holy hell.
A little back story – Griffin said, earlier this year, that her goal over the next twelve months would be to destroy Sarah’s youngest daughter, Willow, because Griffin hates people who hate other people, OK? And though it’d be thoroughly intriguing to find out what kind of menace Kathy could wreak upon the girl, who’s rumored to be a bigoted homophobe, and her life, she’s still a fucking sixteen-year-old girl. And I know – Miley was once a sixteen-year-old girl, too, and sometimes those are the better ages as a person evolves into the devil themselves, but give the kid a chance. She’s a Palin, after all, right? Left to her own devices, she’s sure to self-destruct for awhile at the very least.
Who would win in a celebrity death match between Kathy and Sarah, and what weapons would you like to see be used? (I’m pulling for WMDs, but a little birdie told me that they just. don’t. exist.)
“If CNN dares to pull me live, I’ll be walking right over to New Year’s Rockin’ Eve to give Dick Clark a lap dance. It’s up to you America.”
-Kathy Griffin, explaining to The Hollywood Reporter what she will do if CNN pulls her off of their New Years Eve broadcast for swearing.
I’m not exactly sure how this is “up to America”, but I can’t imagine any better way to ring in 2011 than by watching my favorite loudmouthed female straddle an octogenarian on live TV. Fingers crossed she blows it by 8:15 so I can call it an early night.
I told y’alls about the It Gets Better Project over the weekend. So many people, especially celebs, are reaching out in support of Dan Savage’s It Gets Better Project and Kathy Griffin contributed with this vlog over the weekend.
In it she talks about bullying, gay teens she’s met and how there’s life after high school and small-town, small-minded living.