Kris Jenner pretty much needs to use her kids to get any sort of attention. First she flapped her gums about Khloe Kardashian’s divorce, and now she’s blabbing about Kim and Kanye‘s upcoming wedding. Here’s the exclusive she gave People:
We have a pretty big family. I don’t think it will be two people in a chapel, if you know what I mean!
She also admitted that she hasn’t actually been asked to help plan the wedding or do anything, saying,
I don’t know if they’ll [Kim and Kanye] let me jump in. That’s two very creative minds getting together and they definitely have their own ideas.
I can picture exactly what their wedding will be like. From these “two very creative minds” I’m sure we’re going to see:
- A carnival. A literal carnival. Like a big-ass ferris wheel at the reception.
- Champagne vending machines.
- Lots of C-list celebrities throwing themselves in front of cameras, while Jay Z and Beyoncé try their hardest not to be noticed.
- Life-sized cutouts of Kanye lining the aisle.
- Kim in 3 different wedding dresses. One of them will be some tacky white Herve Leger bullshit.
- Kanye interrupting the best man’s toast.
- Kanye interrupting the father-daughter dance.
- Kanye interrupting the cake-cutting.
You get the idea.
What do YOU expect from this wedding? Aside from an expensive divorce.
December 22, 2013 at 10:30 am by Catherine St. Ives
If Kanye West had his way, no one would ever look upon the face of his daughter North West, but considering he’s engaged to the most narcissistic and self-absorbed woman in the world (his perfect counterpart!), unfortunately that will never happen. Instead, Kim Kardashian likes to sprinkle our lives with little doses of Nori, and we don’t really mind because she’s pretty cute.
Kim posted the above photo on her Instagram page yesterday, and Grandma Kris quickly reposted it soon after. Everyone loves Nori! I used to think she looked entirely like Kim, but you can see Kanye in her more and more as the days go by, for sure. She looks happy enough, but I suppose it’s early days, so the lasting effects of having to be Kim & Kanye’s daughter haven’t hit her quite yet. Let’s hope she somehow manages to claw her way out of that family before that happens.
December 17, 2013 at 6:30 am by Jennifer
It’s Kanye‘s world and we just live in it, apparently. After ranting a heaping load of Lewis Carroll-style nonsense at a heckler, Mr. West decided he wasn’t done and that it was time to address something very troubling to him: his two Grammy nominations. Why is that troubling? Well, because Kanye thinks he should have a lot more than two. Of course he does.
During a show in Phoenix, Kanye went on this delightful tangent. Via CBS News:
I’m 36 years old and I have 21 Grammys. That’s the most Grammys of any 36-year-old. Out of all of those 21 Grammys, I’ve never won a Grammy against a white artist…And ‘Yeezus’ is the top one or two album on every single list. But only gets two nominations from the Grammys. What are they trying to say? Do they think that I wouldn’t notice?
Do they think that, someway, I don’t have the power to completely diminish all of their credibility at this moment? But no, no. Only positive energy, only positive vibes. But when you see me talking about what people are doing when I say ‘marginalized,’ when I say ‘boxed in,’ when I say ‘hold back,’ when I say people are afraid of the truth, that’s one example right there in front of you. And people come to me and congratulate me on those two nominations. [Expletive] those nominations.
Guys, he’s starting to remind me of Randy Marsh. He’s closeasthis to yelling, “STAN??? STAN???” at this next show. So between this latest rant and his bit about how performing live is like going into war, he really needs to just stop talking for a while.
I don’t see that happening.
December 12, 2013 at 5:30 am by Catherine St. Ives
After the last story, I felt compelled to use the old saying “birds of a feather flock together”, because Kim Kardashian certainly belongs with Kanye West. Between her utter cluelessness about the world around her and Kanye’s extreme megalomaniacal delusions, they’re a right pair. So what’s Kanye done now? Well, he got heckled during his show in San Antonio, Texas when a female fan shouted for him to take off his Maison Martin Margiela mask, which is fucking hideous. I’d have requested the same.
In any case, this really set Kanye off and caused him to exclaim the following:
“Now, you can see my face on the Internet, every motherfucking day. I came here, I open up a mountain… and you tryin’ to tell me how to give you my art?”
Do I look like a motherfucking comedian? Don’t fucking heckle me. I’m Kanye motherfucking West. I’m dead fucking serious.”
Well, yes, you do sorta look like a comedian, and by comedian I mean a joke. You look like a joke. And as for being Kanye West, that may be the case, but one thing you are not, sir, is well-versed on what heckling means, because uh… that ain’t it. Also, who cares who you are? I’m Jennifer Fucking Still! Don’t you heckle me, Kanye!
Kanye had the fan ejected and carried on with his normal bullshit and I really wish he thought the next frontier of his artistic completion was to go to space and he booked himself and Kim a seat aboard a shuttle that will never return to earth.
December 11, 2013 at 10:30 am by Jennifer
This story is bittersweet; the actual meat of it is hilarious, but the fact that it’s unfortunately about the death of one of the great world leaders is the sad part. Here’s what happened: this satirical website called The Daily Currant posted a jokey news piece that contained some “quotes” from Kanye West about Nelson Mandela‘s passing. It was all supposed to be in good fun, but then several South African newspapers reported the quotes like they were true, which is a hot mess.
Here’s what Kanye “said”:
“Mandela was working in South Africa, which has, like what, six people? I started my magic here in the USA and then I took my business global… I liberate minds with my music. That’s more important than liberating a few people from apartheid or whatever.”
December 10, 2013 at 2:30 pm by Jennifer
Kanye West said something over-the-top and ridiculous — how incredibly unusual for him! He never does that. Ever. So this time, Kanye said that he “literally” risks his life every time he performs live and that it’s like “being in war.” Seriously. From an interview he did with SaturdayNightOnline via NBC News:
Like, I’m just giving of my body on the stage; I’m putting my life at risk, literally! I think about when I’m on the ‘Can’t Tell Me Nothing,’ and ‘Coldest Winter’ moment, like that mountain [a prop on stage] goes really, really high. And if I slipped … You never know. And I think about it, I think about my family and I’m like, ‘Wow.’ … This is like, being a police officer or something, in war or something.
Yes, Kanye, it’s exactly like that. This is the mountain he’s referring to, by the way:
God, sometimes it’s so hard being a Kanye fan.