Hey, what are you doing right now? Like, right this minute? Me, I’m just hanging out, talking to you guys, yawning my face off and trying to fight the urge to take a nap three hours after I woke up. You’re probably at work, or maybe you’re out somewhere checking in on your phone or whatever. Maybe you’re just sitting at home like me. But Kanye West? He’s in Paris, checking out the fashions over there. And his lady love, Kim Kardashian? Well, she’s not in Paris.
A few days ago, I told you about this awful rumor that Kanye was getting tired of Kim. And today, I’m going to tell you again that Kanye is getting tired of Kim. So brace yourselves, because it’s about to get real sad.
See, Kanye, as you probably know, is a fashion designer. Fashion is very, very important to him, and he has to keep himself in the know of all the latest trends. That’s why he’s attending Paris Fashion Week, to gather information (his next show is in March!). But you know what he did? He RSVP’d to a bunch of shows, didn’t ask to bring a guest, and then, a few weeks later, he mentioned to Kim that he was going. Like, “sorry, baby, it’s going to be super packed, I can’t even bring anybody!” But why?
“He didn’t think it was good for his reputation,” says a source. Oh, and “he didn’t want to hurt her feelings.” But also “he’s uncomfortable bringing her” and “wants to be taken seriously.” Ouch.
Ok, but here’s the thing: Kanye’s not even taken seriously, not in the fashion world. I’m sure he thinks he is, but I’m just saying, if that’s his concern, no worries, darling! And the other thing is that Kim is busy filming her new reality show about hanging out in Miami (this show features Kim and Kourtney, who previously had a show together in New York. Kourtney and Khloe had the first show in Miami), so she probably wouldn’t have been able to go anyway. Or I don’t know, could she have gone? I hope not. That’s the only thing that’s making me believe this story isn’t true, and I really don’t want it to be true.
October 5, 2012 at 6:30 am by Emily
“It’s so nice to have a best friend in this game who understands everything you’re going through. Being with someone I’ve known for so many years is comforting. He’s been there through so many different stages of my life and before I was famous, so this relationship is a different thing entirely. It’s good to be aware that he definitely doesn’t want anything from me too, because he understands the business. I can’t even think about being with anyone else than the man I’m with.”
See, what a nice sentiment this would be if it weren’t so damn off-putting for two big reasons. One? It’s coming from the mouth of Kim Kardashian, who had both the words “I do, Kris Humphries (but only for 72 days)” and Ray J’s penis in her mouth on camera. Two? She’s talking about Kanye West, and when you combine those two (three, really) things, you’ve created the perfect storm of pathetic, gross, and kill me soon.
Get a grip on yourself, girl. You’re just embarrassing yourself now.
October 4, 2012 at 6:30 am by Sarah
Please. Please, no. There’s only so much the heart can take, and this is far too much. If Kim and Kanye fall out of love, then what sort of chance do the rest of us have? How can the rest of us hope to make it in the world if Kimye isn’t strong enough to last?
Ok, here’s the rumor. Read it and weep, friends:
Friends are wondering if things are cooling off between Kim and her new beau, Kanye West, who appeared in her life just in time to take the attention away from her disastrous marriage and divorce with Kris Humphries.
While Kim is in Miami to film her family reality show, Kanye has been living it up at Paris fashion week, even though he isn’t showing his clothing line there. On Sunday he was at a party hosted by Diane von Furstenberg and Olivier Zahm to celebrate the 20th anniversary of Purple magazine.
Another source tells us that things between Kanye and Kim are “cooling off” because “he’s getting tired of the constant press and promotion. He’s not as tight with her as he was.”
NO. NO. NOOOOOOO.
A “source” that’s “close” to the Kardashians popped up long enough to say that there’s “no truth” to this rumor, and I am just hoping against hope that that’s right. Or at least that Kim is already pregnant, so if they do break up it won’t be that big of a deal because she’ll already be cooking up the greatest human to ever live.
October 2, 2012 at 4:30 pm by Emily
Sometimes I roll my eyes so hard that it hurts my head. But it’s not like this big awful horrible pain, it’s just this quick pain that passes as soon as my eyeballs return to their normal position. But it feels weird, so then I roll my eyes again. I do this a couple of times until it doesn’t amuse me anymore, and then I go back to doing whatever I was doing, which is usually the thing that caused the initial eye roll, and the cycle starts all over again. And I repeat the cycle until I’m ready to focus again, or, you know, until I want some juice or whatever. Do you guys ever do that? Because I do it a lot, and I just did it after I saw this photo of Kim and Kanye.
It’s just that both of them just go on and on about how much they care about fashion, and how important fashion is, and how they’re just so fashionable, but then they step out looking like this. You can tell that Kanye’s trying real hard with those pants, and Kim … listen. That ill-fitting, unflattering thing that Kim is wearing? That costs $4,710. She paid nearly $5,000 for that mess.
I think it’s time to look for some new fashion icons, all right? I just … oh. You mean the only people who actually consider Kim and Kanye fashion icons are Kim and Kanye? All right then, well, I guess there’s nothing more to discuss.
September 15, 2012 at 2:00 pm by Emily
“I be all up in Goldman Sachs like these n—as tryna hold me back, these n—as tryna hold me back/ I’m just trying to protect my stacks/ Mitt Romney don’t pay no tax, Mitt Romney don’t pay no tax.”
—Kanye West in new single, ‘To the World’, off his new Cruel Summer album. Which, doubtless, is going to be all about politics that he only understands on the most base of levels, f-cking Kim Kardashian, and cleaning out that bitch’s closet (oh. Wait. Didn’t Eminem already do that one?—yes, yes, he did):
Oh, and look: an infinitely-more talented rapper than Kanye could ever hope to be, I suppose, though crap is still crap no matter how lovely the air freshener used to cover up the stench is.
September 14, 2012 at 4:30 pm by Sarah
But real quick, can I just say that I absolutely love this photo of Kanye and Kim? Because I really, really do. I think it’s just too adorable, and I think that if this couple was any other couple, everyone else would find it adorable too.
Ok, but let’s get back to the story at hand, which is that before Kanye was one half of Kimye, he used to have sex with other ladies while watching Kim’s sex tape. “Multiple sources with first-hand knowledge of the situation” have told TMZ that Kanye used to watch that little tape that Kim made with Ray J “to get him in the mood.” And that is just gross on so many levels.
I’m sure we all have differing opinions about porn, but we can all admit that having sex with a guy while he’s watching a sex tape of someone he actually knows would be weird, right? And would it be sweet or creepy to know that the guy you’re currently dating used to consistently think about you and get off? And I haven’t seen Kim’s tape, but I heard it wasn’t all that great, which, for some reason, makes this whole thing just a tiny bit creepier.
See, this is why this relationship worries me. I want to think it works because they’re both so wacky and they take cute pictures and seem really into each other, but then we hear these stories about how in love Kanye is (or obsessed, whatever), and we remember how Kim dated all these dudes and got married while Kanye was just pining away, and it turns sad. I just don’t want Kanye to get hurt, that’s all. I don’t want him to be another Kris Humphries.