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Justin Bieber

10But What’s That in Your Pants, Justin Bieber?

photo of justin bieber erection balls penis pictures
This is Justin Bieber performing at the Jingle Bell Ball, and since pretty much everything has been about junk lately (i.e., the Bell Ball, Justin’s balls being removed), I figured it was probably appropriate to go ahead and post this here photo, which appears to showcase a item protruding from somewhere in in the region of Justin Bieber‘s alleged genitals.

Honestly speaking, I don’t know what it is and neither do you. So let’s just go ahead and pretend it’s a big, giant (OK, average-ish) erection, because that’s just going to make watching him perform so much better.

December 14, 2012 at 4:30 pm by Sarah
Filed Under: Justin Bieber

7Justin Bieber Balls—Get Your Justin Bieber Balls Here!

photo of justin bieber pictures balls pic
Did you ever wonder what the price of celebrity testicles would run you? No? Well you’re in luck, because if you ever happened to kidnap and castrate Justin Bieber, the going rate for a single ball is around $2,500.

The story claims that an imprisoned murder convict dispatched two of his outside henchmen to abduct, murder, and de-ball Justin Bieber at his recent Madison Square Garden appearance in New York City. The plot was blown open, and two men connected to the case were arrested and caught with pruning shears. The plan was to strangle both Bieber and his bodyguard with a tie (a paisley tie, in case you found that information to be relevant and necessary to start your day), and then proceed with the castration.

The price of $2,500 is, of course, assuming that Justin Bieber’s balls have dropped, because otherwise you’re just getting a bit of foreskin or something, and really, what’s that worth? A hundred bucks, maybe?

December 13, 2012 at 6:30 am by Sarah
Filed Under: Justin Bieber

2Can You Believe That Justin Bieber Didn’t Get Nominated for A Grammy?

A photo of Justin Bieber

I actually am. I’m truly surprised that Justin Bieber was not nominated for one single Grammy. If you’ll remember, he won several big awards at the American Music Awards this year, including Artist of the Year. I was all set to hear about his Grammy nominations as well, but it turns out that they actually chose to give awards to some people who actually made good music: Mumford and Sons, Florence and the Machine, The Black Keys. I think that’s nice, don’t you?

You know who doesn’t think it’s so nice? Justin Bieber’s manager, Scooter. Scooter is not pleased, not even a little bit. He was even displeased enough to discuss it on Twitter:

first…congrats to @carlyraejepsen . thought u deserved a best new artist nom, but proud Call Me Maybe got u 2 noms. so proud of u.

second….this time there wont be any wise words, no excuses, I just plain DISAGREE. The kid deserved it. Grammy board u blew it on this one

the hardest thing to do is transition, keep the train moving. the kid delivered. Huge succesful album, sold out tour, and won people over…

…this time he deserved to be recognized and I dont really have any kind nice positive things to say about a decision i dont agree with.

so to all those nominated…you do deserve it. You worked hard and u earned it. Just feel like so did JB.

To his fans…looks like we get to stay the underdog a little longer. #BRINGIT

I got a lot more I can say but for now….Im gonna leave it at that. Congrats to all those who got nominated including our own CRJ

life is long, with many ups and downs, but we get to keep going, everyday brings a new opportunity. NOTHING GREAT EVER CAME EASY.

Oh man, do I ever disagree with Scooter’s disagreement. First of all, of course he had a successful album, and of course his tour sold out. But great popularity doesn’t always equal great talent, and I’m disappointed that I feel like I have to point this out. Just because some preteens feel weird feelings when they hear Justin Bieber sing does not mean that his music deserves any awards. Is that really difficult to understand? “The kid” released a single about “chillin’ by the fire while we eatin’ fondue.” Let’s just be real here.

Second of all, in what universe is Justin Bieber the underdog? I don’t have any commentary or anything to go along with that question, I’m just genuinely curious how anyone could think that.

Third of all, if Carly Rae Jepsen wins a Grammy, then I’m going to relocate to another planet where such travesties don’t occur.

Are you guys looking forward to the awards this year?

December 6, 2012 at 9:30 am by Emily
Filed Under: Justin Bieber

9Justin Bieber’s Perfume Ad Is The Funniest Thing I’ve Ever Seen

The first time I watched this commercial, I laughed so hard I cried. I was literally doubled over with my hands over my face, crying with laughter. My boyfriend was like “what are you doing,” and I tried to explain the wonders that I had just witnessed, but it mostly just sounded like nonsensical mumbling and giggles.

The second time I watched it was to show it to my boyfriend. I laughed just as much then, but my boyfriend just stood up and walked away. But it’s ok, because he doesn’t understand Justin Bieber like I do. No one does.

You GUYS. I can’t even process how amazing this ad is. It’s filmed so YOU are Justin Bieber’s girlfriend! That’s your hand gently caressing his head. That’s you throwing popcorn at him. That’s you waking him up after he fell asleep during the movie and those are your lips that he leans over to kiss. It’s too perfect. It’s too real. It’s just plain too much.

I hope you love this as much as I did. Because I loved it a whole, whole lot.

December 4, 2012 at 4:30 pm by Emily
Filed Under: Justin Bieber

3That Justin Bieber Paternity Case Is Still Happening

A photo of Mariah Yeater

Just when we’d almost forgotten about Mariah Yeater and the love child she claims she had with Justin Bieber, this girl manages to step back into the lamelight (I honestly meant to type “limelight,” but some typos happen for a reason). And she’s not going to stop until she gets her child support money. Or until she gets properly medicated, whichever comes first.

But here’s the new news: the DNA test results still aren’t in. Justin took the test last November, but Mariah’s lawyer still hasn’t gotten the results, so like, he doesn’t know if Justin ever even did the test. I guess it’s all coming up now because Justin had a year to submit the results? I don’t even know why this is being brought up now, but here’s a lovely statement from Mariah’s lawyer:

“Bieber is either the father or he isn’t. And if he is then he needs to step up to the plate and pay child custody.”

There you have it, friends. That’s all we know, that Justin either is or isn’t the father. We don’t know if Mariah’s lawyer is talking to Justin’s lawyer, or if there are any plans to take further legal action. We just know that Justin is the father of this baby, or he is not.

A source close to Mariah Yeater called this mess “one of the biggest scandals in pop music.” But I’m sure you already understand how very serious this case is. And if you don’t, then Mariah and I have a message for you:

A photo of Mariah Yeater

November 29, 2012 at 10:30 am by Emily

9Blind Item: Justin Bieber Wants His Own Action Movie

A photo of Justin Bieber

From Blind Gossip:

Lately, this young star has been making more headlines for his personal life than for his talent. Well, his handlers are desperate to deflect your attention and give you something else to talk about. So, believe it or not, his next big project will be… as the lead in a feature film!

His preference is an action film, but he will settle for a romance. Either way, he wants to prove that he is multi-talented and not a baby anymore. Turning him into an action star or a viable romantic lead would certainly accomplish that (although adults may have a tough time believing him as either one).

Since his longevity as a teen star is running out quickly, his team knows that they may only get one shot at this, that it must be successful, and that it must happen soon. They have already started reviewing scripts and taking meetings with the goal of being in pre-production Q1 2013.

Oh, please. Please, please let this happen. If Justin Bieber starred in his very own action movie, then that would make everything worth it. All the shitty things that he’s ever said and done, all the headaches I’ve gotten from rolling my eyes at him, it would all be worth it if I could have roughly one and a half hours of him running around and doing stupid stunts and acting badly. I would put up with ten more years of Bieber if I could just have that film.

November 24, 2012 at 10:00 am by Emily