Honestly speaking, Jennifer Love Hewitt’s bottom half could begin resembling Jabba the Hutt’s, and I still think she’d be totally smoking hot. I mean that. I’d hit it, and I’d hit it hard before I’d even considering hitting a LOT of female celebrities out there, and that says a lot.
These days, Jennifer Love Hewitt‘s good choices are coming fewer and further in between. The actress was snapped while shopping in Los Angeles yesterday and the dress she was wearing? It was unforgivable. On a much younger or much older woman with a much smaller or much larger frame, this frock could actually be cute in kind of a quirky way, but on the strangely bloated and aging Love, it was a hot mess. Especially when paired with black flats and a brown leather Louis bag.
I’m not an ageist, I’m not even a patternist (yes, that’s a made up word,) but I just can’t get over all the layers of wrong that are going on here. It’s infinite amounts of wrong.
“I love Edward,” Jennifer told Billy and his Access Hollywood Live co-host Kit Hoover, earlier this month. “I actually waited in line to take a picture with him after the very first premiere for like an hour and 15 minutes and as I got up to take my picture, they were like, ‘Rob are you tired?’ and he’s like, ‘Yes,’ and he left. And I was standing there like, ‘Are you kidding me?’ Forty women from Milwaukee got their photo, but not me.”
Ok, it’s been a long weekend and all that sarcasm is weighing heavy on my heart, so let’s just break this little story down real quick. Do you think that if it was 1998 and Jennifer was in the midst of I Know What You Did Last Summer and Can’t Hardly Wait that she’d have to wait behind forty women from Milwaukee at a public premiere to meet Robert Pattinson? I doubt it. But it’s not 1998, and Jennifer Love is no spring chicken, and I find all this incredibly sad.
You just keep on keepin’ on, Jennifer. I hope you love Breaking Dawn. You deserve that much.
I have no clue what it is, but it’s not in me to hate on poor little Jennifer Love Hewitt. Maybe it comes from watching I Know What You Did Last Summer when I was 10 and feeling sorry for her. However, I did not see this stupid dress that Jennifer wore to a charity gala last night when I was a child, so I have no such obligation to pity it.
Update: Because the original video that ran with this post broke, I was forced to take it down and replace it with this photograph of JLH doing the ‘Woo woo!’ face instead. I know, I know, it’s not as good as the video (I do hope you saw it before it shit the bed), but it’ll suffice I suppose.
That ‘someone’ being Dave Barnes, whom I’ve never heard of, but he’s pretty alright.
And the song? Totally adorable. I will be buying this on iTunes because I am a Christmas-loving freak. The video? Though this goes against every single minuscule fiber of my very being – deep breath – I actually love the video. I think Jennifer Love Hewitt is totally adorable in it, if a bit over the top, and her cheeseball boyfriend, Alex Beh, is the perfect complement.
What did you guys think of the video? Am I coming over to the dark side, praising Jennifer Love Hewitt? Is it just the spirit of the upcoming holiday that’s got me so entranced (because that’s happened before, don’t you know.)?
Jennifer Love Hewitt is dating indie film actor Alex Beh. Normally I don’t report on Love’s flash-in-the-pan dating stories because they’re always over before I even press “publish”, but this quote from Alex about reading his lady’s dating book, The Day I Shot Cupid, is priceless:
“It’s very informative. I learned all I needed to know. When I first met her, I really was able to just map out all the things to do and not to do.”
OK, you guys. I have read this book and it’s psycho. In fact, this dude is obviously using her for whatever press he can wring out of her tired soul because that book is like…. mental.
I read it about six months ago when some dude gave me a copy of it on our first date and said, “Read this. It’s hilarious and BTW, never ever do anything she tells you to do in this book. It’s horrifying.”
And horrifying it was. Do you know that she recommends putting together his and hers toiletry bags as soon as the third date so that your partner knows he has a space at your house and vice versa? On the third date she recommends you take this upon yourself. I don’t think most people would do that after the third month.
Another awkward aspect? Love wrote that book while she was still together with Jamie Kennedy and there’s multiple chapters in which she talks about how she knew he was the man for her. There’s even a section of the book where Jamie “takes over” and talks about how much he loves a nice, full ass on a woman. It basically read like a backwards love letter between two of the most pathetic folks I’ve ever encountered.
Also, let’s not forget that this book is where the term “vajazzeling” was born. There’s an entire chapter in the book about getting stones glued on your nooner. Disgusting.
Anyway, I don’t trust this Alex Beh character. Jennifer, you be careful, you crazy bitch.