Evan Rachel Wood and husband Jamie Bell welcomed their first child today, a baby boy, who will no doubt live up to his hipster potential. I kid because I love. Wood’s rep says (via People) the baby boy is “beautiful” and that “parents and baby are all doing well.”
This is fantastic news for Ms. Wood because it means she can finally give into her weed craving.
Congrats to the couple.
July 29, 2013 at 5:30 pm by Catherine St. Ives
Whoa. Whoa. Peanut butter pop tarts?! Of course, because I cant smoke any weed right now. Damnit!
Whoa, whoa, whoa indeed. Stop the effing train. Right now. Stop the train. What is this shit? What is this nonsense? There’s PEANUT BUTTER FLAVORED POP TARTS??? EVAN I AM IN JUST AS MUCH SHOCK AS YOU ARE, GIRL.
Who gives a f-ck about the weed? THERE’S PEANUT BUTTER POP TARTS. Other food craving tweets:
Sometimes your diet goes to hell and you have pigs in a blanket and a pizza.
Yes. I know that very well. I wish I had pregnancy as an excuse.
YOUR MOVE, ANISTON. PLEASE TELL US HOW SICK POP TARTS MAKE YOU.
Hey all you pregnant people, what foods did you crave?
July 16, 2013 at 5:30 am by Catherine St. Ives
Evan Rachel Wood is currently pregnant with her first child with fiancé Jamie Bell and since pregnant women have to get scans and stuff, obviously they’re gonna have to leave their house and that means – for celebs, at least – the chance of being photographed. For most people, this is an unfortunate hazard of the job, but ERW ain’t having that and took to her Twitter to lash out at The Daily Mail for posting pictures of her leaving her ultrasound appointment in Los Angeles.
The article has since been taken down from the Daily Mail website, so I guess she was victorious, but when does it stop? Do all celebrities have to bash newspapers on social media to get a response like this? Who even likes paparazzi photos? It’s bizarre. Like, I love Katy Perry, but ain’t nobody trying to see homegirl in a stained t-shirt and greasy hair. Stars: they’re just like us!
I don’t want this to turn into a diatribe about the media and how if we keep buying rags, the paparazzi will stay in business, etc. It’s a business that’s been in place for years and will probably never stop – especially while there is big money in it for all involved. In a sense, I also think that’s the life you sign up for when you become famous. No one deserves to be put in any life-threatening situation and you should be allowed a personal life, as well, but the business is such that if you leave your house – regardless of whether it’s going to a funeral or a baseball game – you’re probably going to have your picture taken. Them’s the breaks. If you don’t like it, give up your millions and your fancy lifestyle and buy a farm in Nebraska, yknow?
Evan has vowed to leave Los Angeles after the incident, but I doubt that’ll actually happen. As much as celebrities abhor the more obnoxious parts of fame, they’re too attached to the fancy parts to let it all go.
February 14, 2013 at 2:30 pm by Jennifer
My name is Bobby and I will be your new celebrity gossip writer as of the beginning of February. I know that you are going to be ruthlessly critical, and I expect nothing less. Until recently, I, too, used to tear apart celebrities and authors alike in the comments, but consider yourselves warned! To get this job I had to bribe and coerce and blackmail people, and when that didn’t work, I sent Sarah a severed horse head, so no funny business.
Just kidding. I am, in fact, quite harmless. My specialties include photography, rock and roll music, and kittens*, and my goal for this year is to somehow manage to work the word idempotent in a sentence. It also happens that I am in a sort of a Jessica Simpson situation at the moment – not even nine months after I had my first baby, my husband went ahead and knocked me up again. This very much leads me to the theme of my very first post for Evil Beet – pregnant celebrities!
So without further ado, here’s a list of 12 celebs who will be procreating at various times this year (in no particular order):
There was no love lost between Evan and, well, almost everyone on Evil Beet so far, but I like the gal ever since I saw her in Thirteen. She is expecting her first child with husband Jamie Bell sometime in the Summer.
2. Kristen Bell
The sloth-loving Kristen Bell is preggers with her first child from Dax Shepard, and if crying uncontrollably at the sight of sloths isn’t a good enough reason to like her, Kristen is also outspoken on issues like same sex marriage and animal welfare. She’s due in the Spring.
3. Amber Rose
Model Amber Rose is expecting a very laid back (and possibly tattooed) child with Wiz Khalifa, and is ready to pop any minute, forever changing the the way her vagina photographs.
4. Jenna Dewan-Tatum
I don’t have any idea who she is, but they say her husband is hot so there you go.
Former Playboy bunny/stripper/reality star Madison, known mainly for her utter lack of style, is expecting a girl in March. For the delivery, she’s rumored to either wear a mustard yellow floral nylon dress, or nothing.
Her Royal Highness the Duchess of Cambridge had a rough first trimester but she seems fine now, unless you refer to the latest portrait of her, in which case she doesn’t. I really hope Kate puts on some weight during this pregnancy; it makes me feel uneasy watching her right now. She looks … sort of malnourished. Or maybe I’m just jealous because I know I’ll turn to a whale long before I reach full term. A Great Blue Whale.
7. Sophie Dahl
Dahl is pregnant with her second child, but I have a feeling that despite of being Roald Dahl’s granddaughter and a former plus-size model, many of you might not consider Sophie a celebrity. If that’s the case, let me remind you that she was on the cover of Vogue, like, 500 times, and that makes her at least more famous than you and I. Besides, you gotta love how much taller she is than her husband.
8. Busy Philipps
I LOVE Busy. She is so pretty and real, and she always steals the show even though she’s not necessarily in the A-list headlines all the time.
This here British celebrity who is famous for being famous is going to have another baby boy, and oh! god. She intends on naming him Phaedra. Let us all roll our eyes on a count of three.
10. Malin Akerman
11. Jessica Simpson
I suspect that Jessica actually learned the trick of getting pregnant so soon after giving birth from Britney, but then again Jessica’s fiance is quite cute and I don’t see why the hell not. Jess is going to have a boy.
12. Kim Kardashian
And finally, the worst, most terrible celebrity couple, Kimye. Typing this nauseates me, so I’m just going to give you a funny picture of Kim and leave it there. There’s nothing much to say about it anyways, except maybe to loosely quote Chelsea Handler who predicted that, considering its parents, this baby will be “tanned and very hairy.”
*I’m sure you’ll be missing Emily’s kittens so I promise to post photos of mine as often as I can.
January 24, 2013 at 7:00 am by Bobby Pfeiffer
“Evan Rachel Wood and husband Jamie Bell confirmed that they are expecting their first child later this year. The couple is thrilled.”
Hm. Evan Rachel Wood, somebody’s mom. Still kind of processing this, but then again, I’m still kind of processing the idea that Evan Rachel Wood used to have sex with Marilyn Manson—I don’t quite know if I’ll ever be able to get past that, to be honest. But seriously, though? Let’s have a look at this—is it really wonderful news that someone who acts this narcissistic on camera (in a personal circumstance, nonetheless, not a professional one) is maybe going to devote her life to a tiny little baby?
I don’t know, guys. I could be way, way off base, but there’s just something about Evan Rachel Wood that rubs me the wrong way, and that probably just won’t change.
But hey! Congratulations, girl! Exciting things!
January 12, 2013 at 9:00 am by Sarah
Because of course she did. This is what Evan Rachel Wood does—alienate people and perpetuate stereotypes (no, I don’t know if that’s what she really does as in she makes a habit of it, but that’s what she did this time, and it was pretty f-cking rude if you ask me). This is what ERW had to say on Twitter about Miley’s recent hair-chopping endeavor:
“I called it! Miley Cyrus is leaning toward gay.”
Of course, people predictably freaked out and said all sorts of things about Evan Rachel Wood and about the pot calling the kettle a lesbian or whatever else, and naturally, Evan went back to the Twitterverse and claimed that—of course, duh—people took her all wrong and that she was just kidding about the whole thing:
Ok. To be clear. I believe you should be able to joke and have a sense of humour about everything. And I hate explaining, but just to be clear, I don’t judge people on how they look. Nor do I associate a hair style with sexuality.
And then, this:
I myself am bisexual and have always ‘joked’ about Miley giving me gay vibes. Not a bad thing! Just an observation. So I ‘joked’ when she cut her hair that it supported my case. But, I am not so close minded or into stereotypes or labeling. It was a joke.
(Yes, funny joke—let’s say that someone’s of a particular sexual persuasion one way or the other BECAUSE HAIR. Come on. I have short hair. I’m not a lesbian. OR AM I, EVAN RACHEL WOOD?)
Cripes. And after all was said and done, ERW concluded with this gem:
I could (not) care less what gender she was attracted to. But don’t hate me for supporting her in whatever she chooses. It’s all fine by me.
Miley then supposedly followed Evan on Twitter, and Evan took that as a sign that Miley probably wanted to hook up (or not; maybe she’s kidding about it). Oh, and that it’s pretty much in our eye if we were offended that Evan would *jokingly* classify Miley as a lady-lover because she’s got short hair:
Now Miley Cyrus and I are friends. Let this be a lesson to all of you.
I dunno, guys. I’d say “Once an idiot, always an idiot,” but I think I’d be wasting my breath, because really, to say that would be redundant, and honestly, kind of a moot point as it were.
What a pain in the ass.