This little Miley Cyrus story is a double shot of ridiculousness (just so save us from writing two separate stories). First, we have Miley’s photoshoot for her upcoming album, Bangerz, which is sure to be full of trashy, pseudo-”urban” tryhard bullshit. Then, we have the fact that Donald Trump – yes, Donald Trump – has come out and posted a message on Vine, of all fucking places, telling her to “ignore the haters” and claiming that anyone who criticises her is just “jealous”. Yeah, nope. Also, ew.
Let’s start with these photos first. What kind of ’80s nightmare is this shit? I don’t understand what she thinks she’s going for here (besides ’80s nightmare, that is) – it’s just awful. The plaid pleather pants? The slicked back hairdo? The trench coat with nothing else on? Girl, no. Sit the hell down.
As for Donald, I can’t even give any commentary there because I’m that confused/disgusted that this is even a thing that happened. I’ll just embed his Vine here and you can take it as you will (an old man, who probably jerks off to Miley’s VMA performance every night, trying to stay relevant?):
And here are the other Bangerz photos, just for you:
I guess we’re all acting surprised that Donald Trump has said something (else) unabashedly racist by claiming that most of the crime in America is committed by “blacks and hispanics” and encouraging his followers to stop being so politically correct… and instead to start targeting minorities for being oppressed by assholes like himself, I guess???
Oh, lord. Donald Trump is a racist, a homophobe, a misogynist… need I go on? Not to mention both times I’ve interviewed him, he’s been the most self-absorbed prick EVER, so what’s his point, even? And by “his point”, I mean his point in existing.
I’m not really sure that an endorsement from Donald Trump on your date-ability is really the best thing you could have if you’re trying to find a nice guy to shack up with on Match.com, but that’s exactly what Martha Stewart got this week. You see, Donald and Martha are old friends and he thinks any guy would be lucky to have her. I’d say! Have you tried her basic pancake recipe? Her buttermilk chocolate cupcakes? Have you felt the softness of her towels? I rest my case.
In any case, instead of sending her a text or an email, Donald decided to take to Access Hollywood Live to wish Martha good luck in her search, which is… sweet or something?
“I know Martha very well… I like Martha a lot,” Trump commented. “She looks fantastic and whoever gets Martha will be very lucky… She’s a very good woman.”
Trump also offered his thoughts on the kind of man who would be a good match for the wealthy and well-to-do Stewart.
“She’s going to need a really confident guy or a man with absolutely no confidence whatsoever,” he joked.
“There’s no in-between, [I] think probably the no confidence would be better.”
Yep, nothing makes a man or woman more attractive that absolutely zero belief in themselves and lots of self-doubt. I can see the cartoon hearts flying out of her ears right now!
In all seriousness, Martha is amazing – it can’t be long now before someone tries to put a ring on it, right? (Good luck on that – Martha ain’t that easy!)