6Is It OK to Creep on Dakota Fanning Now?

Dakota Fanning is 18, ok? She’s 18 years old. She’ll be 19 next month. She’s an adult. That means I can think she’s absolutely gorgeous, right?

It just feels weird to me because we’ve all seen this girl grow up, you know? Like, when I think of Dakota Fanning, I think of the little girl from I Am Sam. I think of little baby Dakota Fanning. But when I see this magazine cover, I think “gorgeous.” Is that ok? I feel like it’s kind of creepy.

But just look at this picture from the magazine shoot:

That is a gorgeous young lady. Right?

If it makes it any better, I don’t think she’s hot. Kat Dennings is hot. Kat Dennings is scorching hot. Kat Dennings is … I can’t really talk about this anymore without getting uncomfortable, but I think you know what I mean. Dakota Fanning isn’t hot, not to me, anyway. Dakota Fanning just has lovely features that make me smile. And that’s not creepy. I don’t think so, anyway.

Ok, one more picture:

See how nice this girl grew up?

January 30, 2013 at 10:30 am by Emily

5Star Without Makeup: Dakota Fanning

Morning, guys! Do you see this picture? This positively fabulous photo? It’s – duh- Dakota Fanning, and she’s got no makeup on. You know, that’s pretty refreshing in itself. You wanna know what else is pretty good, too? That girlfriend hasn’t had any cosmetic procedures done, and she actually looks like an innocent young girl who’s all about acting for the art of it and not acting for the publicity and money. Isn’t that so awesome? I know that DF is only eighteen years old, and a lot of people might think it’d be preposterous for someone so young to go under the knife or needle anyway, but there are a lot more young people out there who have done this crap and you wouldn’t even think it.

Also, you know what I watched this past weekend that featured Dakota in it, but I didn’t even realize ’til just, like, a few minutes ago? Sweet Home Alabama. Yeah. I definitely forced my husband to watch it with me, too, and you know, he’s never even seen The Notebook. He boycotted it so many years because he said it seemed like the height of cheesieness, but folks, I’m telling you right now – this man will have watched The Notebook by the end of this year – and especially if I can keep his attention rapt with movies like Sweet Home Alabama (check) and Nights in Rodanthe (check). And today, in anticipation of that sacred event, I’m going to credit this success to Dakota Fanning – just because I’m feeling happy and euphoric and have picked up an even crazier Southern accent from being subjected to two-and-a-half-hours of watching Reese Witherspoon trying to fake her way through it.

This is big, guys. For everyone involved.

March 19, 2012 at 7:30 am by Sarah

4Love It or Leave It: Pink is Dakota Fanning’s New Obsession

And here’s the post where I unceremoniously mock a child for doing child things. OK? I’m just forewarning you right now of what’s to come. Some of you hate this kind of shit, while others live for it, and right now I’m pandering to the latter group, if, indeed, there’s any “meanies” left here in the Evil Beet crowd. OK. Deep breath. Here goes:

Dakota Fanning? BWAHAHAHHAHAHAHH! What’s up with the hair, girlfriend? Pink streaks that match the pink rings around your eyes? That what’s going on here? And orange? Really? You didn’t think that that shade of orange skirt would clash with that shade of salmon that you’ve got in the lower half of your hair?

Oh, girl. I’ve so been there. I know.

A lot of you are probably thinking “Not nice, Sarah. For real.” But really, I’m not judging her too harshly here, because when I was in high school, I thought it’d be cool to put a few green streaks in my hair a la lemon-lime Kool-Aid. And I did it, and was so excited about it, and it looked really f-cking stupid. It looked like I put Sun-In on my hair and then jumped into a pool that had just been shocked with a mega-dose of chlorine. It was awful. Also, it took forever for the Kool-Aid to finally fade away. It was dumb, and now I look back on it and laugh and realize that green streaks in my hair just do me no justice. And now, for future reference, I know this helpful bit of information. Because really, can’t we all just laugh at ourselves once in awhile? And, you know, other people too? I think Jack Handey said it best:

“I hope that someday we will be able to put away our fears and prejudices and just be able to laugh at people.”

Because really. Life is funny, and I love Dakota Fanning. But that heinous pink has gotta go.

January 18, 2012 at 11:30 am by Sarah

2Dakota Fanning is Terry Richardson’s Latest Victim

Oh girl WHAT HAVE YOU DONE. Posing for Terry Richardson? What’s next, buying magic crystals off the street from some shady-looking dude your ex-lesbian lover used to frequent? Making racist comments in public? Showing your vagina? Donning a pink wig?

Last, has anyone ever told you about the uncanny resemblance between you and Eminem? ‘Cause it’s there, sweetie.

November 8, 2011 at 9:30 am by Sarah

7Why Yes, I Do Hate Dakota Fanning’s New Hair

OK, I know it’s a little harsh to say such hateful things about a seventeen-year-old, but you know how it goes sometimes. Still, I guess I shouldn’t be such a bitch, considering she chopped it all off to play a chemo patient in her new movie, Now is Good. According to IMDB:

“A girl dying of leukemia compiles a list of things she’d like to do before passing away. Topping the list is her desire to lose her virginity.”

Hm. Interesting concept for a movie – it’s like The Bucket List, just for kids. And Dakota Fanning, I mean, she’s a great actress. Definitely someone to continue watching on the big screen, because she’s going to be an even bigger name in coming years, you mark my words. Still, though, and sick or not – I just can’t see Dakota Fanning trying to seduce anyone – especially while looking like Marshall Mathers.

July 13, 2011 at 11:30 am by Sarah

0Dakota Fanning Graduates High School, We All Feel So Old

Look at this little girl, you guys! Out little Dakota Fanning is all grown up. It seems like just yesterday she was everyone’s favorite little actress.  Remember I Am Sam?  Or how she was little adorable Reese Witherspoon in Sweet Home Alabama? No doubt, this girl has always had some talent, but that’s not what this is about.  No, today, this is about precious Dakota getting her high school diploma and entering into adulthood*. Congratulations!

Do you remember your high school graduation?  How proud you felt?  How you had to sit between the twin brothers who came after you alphabetically because the principal didn’t trust them not to get in a fight during the ceremony, which you mostly missed because they were arguing over you anyway? Ah, to be young again …

*Really, she enters into adulthood when she turns 18 next February.  Don’t perv out just yet, guys.

June 7, 2011 at 12:30 pm by Emily