2Christina Aguilera Gives An Interview While Totally Trashed

Ok, she didn’t say she was trashed, and she wasn’t carrying around a flask or anything (visibly), but sometimes, you just know.

Here, just check it out:

On gossip blogs: “Now everyone is a critic.  don’t read blogs. It’s just God-knows-who in Buttf-ck wherever writing hate shit. You can’t take it seriously. I’m sure you’ve all been hated on at some point by buttf-ck people.”

On other shows like The Voice: “I’ve not actually seen a full episode of any of the other music shows. I saw the commercials early on of American Idol of Simon being a dick. I was like, ‘Man, that’s not what it’s about!’ I didn’t want to treat people like that. I wanted to do The Voice to show that we can be positive. We don’t have to knock people down.”

On songwriter Linda Perry and the process of writing “Beautiful”: “Linda Perry is raw, she’s real and she intimidates a lot of grown men. She’s amazing. I was having a really bad day. I came into her studio. It was at her house at the time. I was working with her on a bunch of stuff. She just kind of sat down at her piano in her dining room and started singing. ’Don’t do all that Mariah shit’ –  that was her, not me, I love that shit! But she was like ‘don’t be doing all that acrobatic shit, just sing!’”

On more shit: “Shit happens, man. This is the business. It’s not going to be all cute and pretty and tied up in a little bow.”

On the interview itself: “It’s real talk today.”

See what I mean? Oh, and when she was talking about “Beautiful,” she took a break to sing a few lines from the song. Isn’t that such a drunk girl thing to do? “Oh yeah, my song ‘Beautiful,’” and then she goes into “all that Mariah shit.” Then she burps and says “it’s real talk today.” I LOVE it.

And I’m also really glad to know that she think of me as “God-knows-who in Buttf-ck wherever writing hate shit.” I know she’s probably not talking about me personally, but it still gives me some weird sense of validation. Thank you for that, Drunk Christina. Thank you for the real talk.

October 27, 2012 at 12:00 pm by Emily

0Quotables: Christina Aguilera Wants to Be A Crackhead

“I do want to do more acting. I want to do something where I can really sink my teeth into something a little more challenging. Really outside of myself, outside of music. I sort of had this personal aspiration to do film, but I said, ‘I never want to do a musical!’ It’s too much like myself. I want it to be honest and genuine in expanding my wings and doing something really, really different. A crackhead on the street or a drug addict. Or something crazy and meaty and juicy. Something that really took me out of myself.”

- Christina Aguilera explains how she wants to do a movie about some sort of drug but definitely not Burlesque again.

Ok, let’s really think this one through, all right? Christina Aguilera wants to play the beloved role of “a crackhead on the street,” but Christina Aguilera is no Meryl Streep. And while she had said that she never wanted to do a musical, she clearly doesn’t understand that some musicals can be “crazy and meaty and juicy.” So what’s the answer?

We write a musical just for Christina. Lots of heavy stuff, lots of crack, and lots of streets: like Next to Normal, but with crack. It’ll be a hit, she’ll win a Tony, and her wildest dreams will come true! But most importantly, we’ll get to hear Christina Aguilera sing about being a crackhead. And there is absolutely nothing that would be better than that.

October 26, 2012 at 5:30 am by Emily

4Christina Aguilera Got An Offer to Represent A Plus Size Dating Site

From TMZ:

Christina Aguilera’s Rubenesque physique could pay off in a huuuuge way — TMZ has learned she’s been offered $3 MILLION to be the face of a dating website for “big and beautiful” women.

The person behind the offer is former “America’s Next Top Model” winner Whitney Thompson — the first plus-size model to even win the show.

Whitney now runs TheBigandTheBeautiful.com — and fired off a letter to Aguilera, saying she’s extremely interested locking down Christina as the spokesperson for the website, which is “specifically designed for women with curves.”

As part of the deal, Aguilera would agree to at least one TV commercial, one radio commercial, two photo shoots, and four public appearances. She also wants Christina to sing a jingle for the website.

Christina has previously said she’s proud of her new “curves,” but it’s unclear yet if she’s too proud to take the money.

Oh, girl. No. Of course Christina is not going to do this. Why was this offer even made? And isn’t there a pretty big difference between “curvy” and “big and beautiful”? I know people feel the need to call themselves different adjectives to make themselves feel better, but curvy girls are not necessarily fat, and fat girls are not necessarily curvy. Christina Aguilera belongs in that first category, because she is not fat and oh my god why are people still even talking about this.

October 22, 2012 at 3:30 pm by Emily

22Quotables: Christina Aguilera Never Wears Panties

“I don’t like to wear underwear. I like to be as free as possible at all times. It’s just who I am. It’s empowering. It’s p–sy power!”

See, now, I’m confused. Does this mean that she *doesn’t* wear underwear? Or just that she doesn’t *like* to wear underwear? Because if she really doesn’t wear underwear, then I’m kind of confused as to what’s going on in that picture up there. If that’s not underwear squeezing the crap out of girlfriend’s figure, then what is it?

Whatever. I’m still having a hard enough time to wrap my head around the fact that Christina Aguilera’s got a Muppet taped to the nape of her neck to really consider the notion that this girl doesn’t like to wear swatches of cotton in her snatch.

October 19, 2012 at 10:30 am by Sarah

4How Do We Feel About Christina Aguilera’s Hair Today?

Because I know lots of you guys had some pretty strong opinions about her hair when it was crack white, lavender, and this pink hot mess, so now I need to know: are we verbally fellating Christina‘s hair because it’s a thing to do, or do you, like me, think this is probably the worst hair girlfriend’s ever rocked in life?

Also, as a sidebar, I seriously need to know how much of that stuff is actually girlfriend’s own hair, and not something that she tore off Rainbow Brite’s busted-ass horse in a fit of rage when she heard that we didn’t like that ugly-assed, too-tight dress she wore last week. Because I’m sure she totally cares about that kind of stuff, you know?

Anyway, answer me this: how do we feel about Christina Aguilera’s hair today?

October 15, 2012 at 10:30 am by Sarah

28Love It or Leave It: I Don’t Even Know How Christina Aguilera Got in This Dress

No, really, I can’t understand how Christina Aguilera managed to squeeze herself into this dress. I am so confused that she’s standing there, in that contraption, without looking like she’s praying for death.

Let me just give some advice real quick: if you’re completely covered up in a dress that isn’t sheer and I can still see your nipples? Your dress is too tight. If I can see the outline of your belly button, your dress is too tight. If it looks like the bottom of your dress is squeezing your thighs together so that your knees are pressed against each other and you have to walk all weird with your calves out, your dress could very well be too tight.

Now let’s get a back view:

See what I mean about her legs? But here’s another note: if I have to wonder if that’s the outline of your thong I’m seeing, then girl. YOUR DRESS IS TOO TIGHT.

If Christina actually feels good in this dress, then good for her. But I just don’t see how it’s possible to be wearing something like that and feel comfortable. Like, it’s not going to kill you to admit that you have to go up a dress size. It’s really not.

But, you know, besides the way too tight dress and her jacked hair, I think Christina is looking pretty damn good here. That is to say, I think her curves are kickin’. What do you guys think?

October 10, 2012 at 3:30 pm by Emily