Charlie Sheen’s ex-wife, Brooke Mueller, allegedly assaulted a woman in a bar Friday night (the bar was called, incidentally, the “Belly Up”). So Aspen police followed Mueller to a different bar (the “Escobar Aspen”), where they discovered Mueller was also hopped up on coke.

She was arrested and charged with “possession with intent to distribute”—A CLASS FOUR FELONY—and released on $11,000 bond.

TMZ additionally reports:

But right before all that happened, Brooke DANCED HER FACE OFF.

And it’s true! TMZ somehow filched this security footage; in it, you can see Brooke Mueller boogying. Well, or weaving unsteadily, but whatever.

Mueller’s representative, Steve Honig, “declined to comment.” Can you believe it? Brooke Mueller and Lindsay Lohan have the same PR guy! Figures.

(Image via the Daily Telegraph.)

I’m not going to judge (too) much, but how nuts is this photo? No one’s quite forgotten all of the crazy that Charlie engaged in after leaving Two and a Half Men, what with his coke suitcase and gonorrhea goddesses, and didn’t Brooke Mueller just relapse, like, a week ago? These two are definitely a match made in unstable addict hell, but nonetheless, they’re trying to unite and maintain “harmony” for the sake of their two, heartbreakingly adorable, young boys, and I’m not sure whether I should feel all warm and fuzzy because of it, or if I should go and call family services – like how a hundred other concerned citizens probably have at this point.

As for the kids, they look as confused and concerned over the whole thing as I feel. That’s got to be tough right there.

Image courtesy of TMZ

Remember a couple days ago when I showed you guys that picture of Brooke Mueller with a crack pipe in her hand? I did that because TMZ called it a crack pipe, but it turns out that you guys were right, it was just a little ol’ thing for weed. Brooke says it’s totally legal weed too, she has a prescription for anxiety. Which is fair, I guess, I’d probably have to get high if I had kids with Charlie Sheen too.

Is that a crack pipe I spy in your hand, Brooke? Why, I do believe it is! And here I was thinking that you just finished another trip to rehab. And aren’t you supposed to have custody of those kids you have with Charlie? Brooke, I’m usually not one to tell a girl how to live her life, but honey, once you get photographed looking like this with a sketchy old tin foil crack pipe in your hands? I think that’s a solid indicator, along with the fact that every single time I tried to type your name I put “Broke” instead of “Brooke,” that you need to take some time for reflection. And probably more rehab.

Images courtesy of TMZ

Yeah, look, no one’s more shocked than me that I just wrote that headline, but you guys: Denise Richards has proven herself to be one hell of a classy lady throughout all of this Charlie Sheen drama.

Denise was on Bravo’s Watch What Happens Live last night after the Real Housewives of New York (the only reason I was around to watch it,) and of course Andy Cohen asked her about some of the stuff that’s going on with her ex-husband and the father of her two daughters, Charlie Sheen. She didn’t say one bad word about the guy and actually seemed to be genuinely sad about the tragic turn his life has taken in recent months. And she showed some support to Charlie’s newest ex-wife, Brooke Mueller, saying that she gives her a lot of credit for taking control of her addiction and checking herself into treatment.

Denise also mentioned that, while she herself had met Charlie’s Goddesses, her daughters had not. Sounds like she went over and screened them before she brought her kids over, which is exactly what a good mother would do. Plus, she offered to take in Brooke and Charlie’s twin baby boys while their two of them are off doing other things. Totally unnecessary, but the caring and open-hearted thing to do.

I’ve spent plenty of time being annoyed by Denise over trivial, tabloid-y issues throughout the years, but that was pretty quickly washed away after seeing how she’s reacted in the face of true problems.

Charlie Sheen’s ex-wife Brooke Mueller told TMZ that the above text message was sent to her by her ex-husband regarding his lawyer Mark Burg. Of course both Charlie and Mark are denying these claims, saying that Charlie is close to far too many Jewish people for this to be true and that Brooke must have sent the text from Charlie’s phone herself. The actor said that “the goddesses” can confirm that Brooke was seen holding his phone on the same day that the text message was sent.

What’s slightly hilarious about this whole thing is Mark Burg’s comment to TMZ about all the Jews that Charlie knows:

“Charlie Sheen’s ex-publicist, Stan Rosenfield, is Jewish. Charlie Sheen’s entertainment attorney, Jake Bloom, is Jewish. Charlie Sheen’s litigation attorney, Marty Singer, is Jewish. Charlie Sheen’s divorce attorney, Mark Gross, is Jewish. I’ve known him for 13 years. I don’t believe that he actually sent that text. For the record, since Brooke Mueller is Jewish that would make Charlie Sheen’s two sons also Jewish.”

Oh, of course this is evidence that Charlie isn’t anti-Semitic! Because he employs Jews and married and impregnated a Jew! A woman that he did a lot of drugs with before he eventually held a knife to her throat on Christmas Eve! That’s such clear proof that he doesn’t hate Jews! How could we have ever even considered that this man was anti-Semitic!? *rolling my eyes*

Let’s just sit back and continue to watch this shitshow unfold, shall we?