Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are apparently getting married sometime soon and everyone (especially Jennifer Aniston, LOLZ) wants to know when, but they’re not telling. The reports of a possible secret wedding during Christmas 2012 have been circulating for months, ever since Angie started wearing a wedding ring on her wifey finger, so of course every reporter she deigns to give a few precious moments of her time wants to know if they’re already married or what.
LOL, “No, it is not [a wedding ring].” Well, that’s convincing.
Personally, I couldn’t care less when (or if) these two walk down the aisle. I think they should just buy a private island and take their 8,000 kids and just be away from society as large forever. What do you think, though? Secretly married already?
March 29, 2013 at 9:30 am by Jennifer
Oh no they didn’t! Except, you know, they apparently did. Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie got engaged ages ago, but Mister Chanel just got their 90-day wedding license last week and they could be tying the knot this May. Hurrah! Everyone loves a wedding… except for Jennifer Aniston, whose own ceremony to fiancé Justin Theroux is supposed to be happening around the same time. Escandalo!
From The Sun:
Brad got a wedding licence at the end of last month — which stated they must marry in 90 days.
The deadline could see the big day for the pair clash with the nuptials of Brad’s ex JENNIFER ANISTON — which would spark a bitter bun-fight over celeb guests.
A source said: “Brad and Angelina left themselves short of time to sort out their wedding because of the licence deadline. A few months is nothing when you’re planning a wedding — especially one as major as theirs.
“Everything points to them getting married in May just after the Cannes Film Festival ends, because they’ve got their hearts set on tying the knot in France.”
There were also apparently some rumours that Jennifer was going to attend Brad and Angelina’s wedding as a “gesture of goodwill” – which, for the record, f-ck that – but if he’s doing all this to rain on her parade, he can forget about her turning up.
“All that goodwill would go out the window if Brad’s wedding date comes close to hers. Jennifer will see it as an attempt to upstage her and there will be a battle over Hollywood guests.
“She knows they will be judged on who had the better wedding by pulling in the biggest stars.”
Y’all know I am adamantly Team Jen and I think Brangelina are total assholes (you know, besides all that amazing charity and activism they participate in) and somehow Jen got all the stick for being cheated on, but whatevs. I’d go to both weddings, just for the free booze.
March 11, 2013 at 11:30 am by Jennifer
Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt decided to put out their own wine earlier this month and it was apparently a pretty shrewd business choice, as it’s all sold out already pretty much everywhere in the first 24 hours. Note to buyers: this shit is not polyjuice potion. You will not suddenly look like Brad or Angie by drinking their shitty alcohol. At $139 for a case, it needs to have magical properties because I’m a cheapskate.
From Yahoo News:
Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt’s first wine has gone down a storm with buyers.
The Hollywood couple have unveiled their Miraval Rose 2012, which was produced at their southern French estate of Chateau Miraval.
It’s the first Miraval vintage stamped by Brangelina, in a joint venture with established vintner Marc Perrin. The back label reads “bottled by Jolie-Pitt and Perrin”.
A Perrin family spokesman said the first 6,000 bottles put on sale online on Thursday were bought within five hours. The wine sold for 105 euro (£91, $139) for a six-bottle case.
The wine, in a bottom-heavy, champagne-like bottle, goes on sale to restaurants and wholesalers later this month.
I don’t know, I kind of don’t get the draw. I suppose Brangelina fans are going to grab it up, but do Brangelina actually have 6,000 fans? (Well, 1,000, since that’s how many cases there were.) I guess I’d try it for a laugh – so long as it was free.
March 8, 2013 at 10:30 am by Jennifer
Oh man, I love the National Enquirer. Jest all you like, but half of the time they get their stories right and before anyone else. The other half of the time I think they just make shit up and I think this falls under that half.
Brad caught Angie red-handed, admitting that she thinks he’s a so-so lover. Ever since then, he’s been on a drunken rampage – consuming copious amounts of his favorite beer and red wine…he’s showed no signs of slowing down on the booze. He’s been drinking to forget about the image of Angie and Colin together.
One might ask, how did he catch her “red-handed”? Was she spray-painting “COLIN FARRELL IS BETTER AT SEX THAN BRAD PITT” on their garage? No. Allegedly Jolie was talking on the phone to ex Billy Bob Thornton while Pitt was out but then he forgot his wallet and then this scene from Beverly Hills, 90210 played out:
As he walked into their bedroom, Brad overheard Angie say that he was a great guy, but Colin was the best lover she’d ever had! Then Angie told Billy Bob that her love life with Brad had gone cold, and she missed the wild, passionate sex she’d had with Colin!
Who was there to know this private information? This is like when Charles Foster Kane died whispering his last words, “Rosebud” but the nurse was in the other room. Whatever, this is great, let’s just keep going with this. Brad “exploded” and,
Demanded that Angie tell him everything about her relationship with Colin. She told Brad that she fell in love with Colin because he was dangerous and spontaneous. She also copped to sending Colin sexy pictures, dirty voice-mails and sexually explicit letters during their fling. Angie admitted that she had hoped for a future, including marriage and kids, with Colin, but he wasn’t ready. She couldn’t deny to Brad that he was her second choice! [...] she thrives on making him jealous.
So now Brad Pitt is all sad and not wanting to marry her, like ever, and is telling her she can’t talk to Colin Farrell.
February 18, 2013 at 5:30 pm by Catherine St. Ives
Everyone knows that wine is only good for vineyards, first dates and the desperate and otherwise dry. Still, lots of people seem to like it because it’s classy and you can drink it by the bottle without feeling like the alcoholic you probably are, so it only makes sense that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have gotten in on the action and are releasing their own range, fresh from their very own vineyard!
Under the agreement, the Perrin family, long-term owners of Château Beaucastel in Chateauneuf-du-Pape, and one of the most renowned names in the Rhone Valley, are now responsible for both the winemaking and distribution of the Jolie-Pitts’ Château Miraval in Correns.
The Perrins began working with the estate from harvest 2012, Marc Perrin told Decanter.com. Mutual friends put the two sides in touch, he said.
When the Jolie-Pitts first moved in to Château Miraval they signed a three-year lease to rent the 500-ha estate, but its AOC Côtes de Provence continued to be made by the previous winemaker.
They have since purchased the property – reportedly for around US$60m – and have been carrying out extensive renovations.
‘The focus will now be more about Miraval itself that any specific cuvée,’ said Perrin. ‘They (the Jolie-Pitts) want to ensure they are making the best Provence wines they can. They were present at the blending sessions this year, and are relooking at everything from the installations in the winery – where we have already switched to stainless steel tanks – to reworking the labels across the range of wines.’
The first Perrin-made Miraval rosés should be on the market next month, March 2013, with the white wines arriving at the end of the summer.
I generally think most wines taste like a fresh blend of stewed ass (besides Riesling – I do like Riesling), so I don’t particularly have high hopes for this. I’d rather a cider – or better yet, an aged Scotch whisky – if I’m going to drink at all. However, I’m sure idiots will buy this by the bucketload simply for the Brangelina name.
Speaking of Brangelina, I’m not sure if this sounds totally like them or not at all like them. They tend to pass by the mainstream celeb entrapments like product endorsements (save Chanel, but that’s couture) and the like, but at the same time, money talks. What do you think? Will you be ponying up for some Miraval?
February 15, 2013 at 7:30 am by Jennifer
It’s been a family type of year, a down-home type of year. Mama’s worked more. And quite frankly I’ve really enjoyed it.
—Brad Pitt on his family and, I’m assuming, Angelina Jolie in the role of “Mammy.” And this quote was also from that other interview that Brad Pitt did recently—the one where he talked about the time being all nigh and what not about his up-and-coming marriage to Jolie.
Was Brad always this odd or did it come after years of Angelina Jolie feasting on his blood and other bodily fluids?