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Blake Shelton

4Blake Shelton and Miranda Lambert Are Fine, Ya Nosy Bastards

blake shelton miranda lambert

Blake Shelton and Miranda Lambert have a marriage made in country heaven, though some people would really like to destroy that and/or make you think it’s not working out. People have claimed that Miranda cheated with Brad Paisley or someone of the sort, and Blake is always accused of getting it on with someone or other. These rumours are totally unsubstantiated, of course, but since they were both married to other people when they got together, people like to give them a hard time. Y’all see how bad LeAnn has it!

Anyway, Blake’s calling bullshit on all of it and claims that he lets Miranda go through his phone and computer. Uh, if your partner doesn’t trust you to the point where they feel the NEED to go through your shit like that, I think it’s a problem. But perhaps he’s just being anecdotal.

From People:

“[I tell Miranda], ‘I have nothing to hide from you,’ ” he says.

In fact, The Voice judge says one secret to making their marriage work is giving Lambert access to his phone – if she wants it. “That’s always been our policy: ‘Here’s my phone. Go through it,’ ” he says.

“That’s really the kind of trust we have,” Shelton continues. “There are no secrets. [I'll say,] ‘Go dig through my drawers or my computer if you feel like you need to.’ And that’s been a really good thing, because I don’t want her to ever have any doubts.”

Well, that’s… special. But she shouldn’t have any doubts because you’re her husband and she trusts that your relationship is strong. Of course, lots of people get cheated on when they think their partner is faithful, so I dunno. In any case, I think these two are probably fine.

May 30, 2013 at 11:30 am by Jennifer

2Blake Shelton Makes Jokes About Killing Turtles

A photo of Blake Shelton

Blake Shelton is so weird. He seems like such a sweet, fun guy on The Voice, but then he does things like make possibly homophobic tweets about Shania Twain songs, and I don’t even know what to think. Or, well, I didn’t know what to think. I believe I’m a little closer to making up my mind now.

Here’s a little something that Blake tweeted a few days ago:

Does anyone know if the Eastern Box turtle is protected in Oklahoma? If so I didn’t just swerve to the shoulder of the road to smash one…

And understandably, no one liked it.  Here’s a response from a concerned NPR blogger:

That turtle’s life meant something- was your tweet a bad joke? Why would you be so cruel to a living being?

And Blake’s heartfelt response:

Shut up…

And, surprise, surprise, everyone hated that too!  Blake tweeted back and forth with some people for a while, charming little exchanges where someone would say something like “it’s not ok to run over turtles,” and Blake would say something like “were you born that dumb or was there an accident?”  One follower that claims to be an actual turtle (!!!) kept making comments to Blake, and he eventually replied with this:

Hey @turtlefeed. Before u make an even bigger dipshit of urself you should research on how much money I have raised to feed homeless animals. I solely have raised over a million dollars in animal rescue/conservation alone… How much have you raised? Oh. Ok. Next!”

Remarkably, that didn’t do anything to put out the Twitter fires, so he had to explain that it was all a big hilarious joke:

The best part of all of this is that the dumb asses didn’t even look to see that I’m not even in Oklahoma today!! I’m in North Dakota!! Do they even have turtles in North Dakota?!!! God almighty!!! What’s wrong with people?! Get a life!! Get a job!! Get laid!! For once!!!

But people still wouldn’t let it go, so he said this:

For the last time I didn’t hit a turtle! I haven’t seen a turtle! So please all you turtle freaks go back to eating your boogers!! It’s ok.

And the next day, when people were still upset and Blake had taken some time to reflect, he said this:

Ok.. Now that “Turtle-Gate” is over I want to apologize for my ignorant joke.. I never ran over a turtle. It wasn’t even possible.

Yeah, I don’t get it. I mean, I kind of get it – when I was little, my dad used to swerve in the road a little and tell me that we were hunting possums – but I don’t really get why Blake handled this whole thing like he did. Why couldn’t he have just admitted after the first dozen outraged responses that he’s just really bad at making jokes? Even Ellen felt the need to tweet that sentiment:

Here’s what’s funny: knock-knock jokes. Here’s what’s not funny: animal cruelty.

Maybe one day Blake can learn how to make a funny tweet, but unfortunately, today is not that day.

July 31, 2012 at 12:30 pm by Emily
Filed Under: Blake Shelton

3Quotables: Blake Shelton Talks Falling in Love With Miranda Lambert While Married

photo of blake shelton cheating pictures photos pics

“I’ve never had that kind of experience with anybody… I was a married guy, you know? Standing up there and singing with somebody and going, ‘Man, this shouldn’t be happening.’ Looking back on that, I was falling in love with her, right there on stage. It was just like this draw to each other. It was just sort of this inevitable chemistry.”

Man, I know this kind of stuff happens from time to time, and judgement all depends on how you handle the situation, but I’d be SO MAD if my husband decided one day that he’d fallen in love with some country-singin’ floozy in the space of five minutes. Hell.

How do you guys feel about all this business – sweet or heinous?

August 31, 2011 at 11:30 am by Sarah
Filed Under: Blake Shelton

6How Do We Feel About Blake Shelton?

A photo of Blake Shelton

Because I absolutely loved Blake Shelton on The Voice. He seemed like a really genuine, funny, sweet guy, and of course I loved his man crush on Adam Levine. But then I checked out Evil Beet here to see if he had his own category, and he did, but if just featured one awful story about Blake using his Twitter to make an extremely homophobic parody of the Shania Twain classic, “Any Man of Mine,” and I didn’t love him so much anymore.

But now he’s done this big interview with Parade, and I just don’t know what to think anymore.

On his favorite hobby, drunk Tweeting: “It’s just a way to say something ridiculous. Yeah, I drink a lot,” says the singer, whose beverage of choice is Bacardi rum mixed with Crystal Light, “but I’m not drunk every night.”

On that homophobic Tweet: “Shoot, man, I love everybody! I don’t have time to hate,” he says today. Still, joking comes naturally to him: When New York State made same-sex marriage legal in June and someone tweeted to get his reaction, he shot back in Sheltonesque fashion, “I’m very gay about it!!” All kidding aside, he sincerely favors the right of same-sex couples to wed. “I have a life,” he says, “and I want everyone else to have one, too.”

On why he joined The Voice: “I said, ‘I’d be stupid not to do this.’” The deciding factor? The chance to ensconce himself in one of the show’s distinctive revolving chairs. “They’re goofy, but I thought that would be fun, sitting in those big red chairs like you’re the king of the mountain,” he says.

Bacardi and Crystal Light? Goodness, sounds like somebody needs to be a good friend and pass that little drink tip along to Christina Aguilera, huh? But for real, Blake seems like the kind of guy I’ve known my whole life, that really nice Southern gentleman type who is happy and carefree and delightful to be around until something happens, like another dude accidentally brushes hands with him and he has to do that whole “whoa, dude, I’m not gay, bro! Not that there’s anything wrong with that. But I’m not. I love ladies. It’s ok if you’re gay. But I’m not. Not gay. Love ladies,” and eventually he just starts sounding like a robot that’s powering down: “not … gay … ladies … vagina … not gay …” Which I’m pretty used to.

What do you think about Blake nowadays?

August 8, 2011 at 4:30 pm by Emily
Filed Under: Blake Shelton

6Twitter Says Blake Shelton is a Violent Homophobe

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Hey, Blake Shelton. Sure went and got your name in the news, huh?

If you guys missed it, Blake Shelton (a country-singing dude who’s engaged to a country-singing chick you might know by the name of Miranda Lambert) went on a creative bender via Twitter last night where he craftily rewrote lyrics to one of Shania Twain‘s hit song, ‘Any Man of Mine.’ Shania’s version states:

Any man of mine better walk the line
Better show me a teasin’ squeezin’ pleasin’ kinda time

And Blake Shelton’s witty quip cries:

Any man that tries touching my behind, he’s gonna be a beaten, bleedin,’ heaving kind of guy.

That’s just wow.  Really.  It’s almost as cute as the guys in my sixth grade gym class who thought it was totally funny to sing crude words in place of ‘*Do Your Ears Hang Low’.

In other words? Completely un-funny.

Later, Shelton went on to apologize, but the damage was already done:

“It honestly wasn’t even meant that way… I now know that their (sic) are people out there waiting to jump at everything I say on here or anywhere.”

Well you know, Blake, generally when people make violent comments in public regarding venomous violence against another man who – accidentally or not – touches your bottom, it usually results in being scrutinized by those who see it or hear it, you know?

*Do your balls hang low/can you tie ‘em in a knot/can you beat your meat against the toilet seat/can you tie ‘em in a knot/can you tie ‘em in a bow/do your balls/hang/low?

May 6, 2011 at 4:30 am by Sarah
Filed Under: Blake Shelton