This week is the first of a two part reunion episode hosted by the one, the only, Perez Hilton! He refers to the girls as “eight of the craziest bitches I have ever seen!” And from what we have seen this season, he is totally right. Amber starts the reunion with some big news: She’s preggers! And she proudly lifts up her dress to show us her 18-week plump belly. The four ‘survivors’ of the show, Kendra, Amber, Annie, and Lexie, start off by reviewing their road trip at the end of the season. They totally DITCHED Annie on this trip and you can tell by the tears in her eyes that she is still pretty upset about it. One thing that stuck out to me is that Lexie doesn’t act like a total moron. Is it possible she was fake the whole season? She had me fooled!
Next we welcome Kate whose hair was looking faker than ever! Oh god, I forgot how much I dislike this girl. However, this reunion episode gave her a chance to explain her mental and emotional exhaustion in the house which caused her to be so cruel. I call FAKE, Kate.
Next we get the ‘self-proclaimed baddest bitch of them all,’ Natalie. Ohhhhhhh Natalie . . . This is when Perez whips out his water gun and explains that if anyone misbehaves he will not hesitate to use it. My favorite part? He tells Natalie that she most CERTAINLY does NOT run L.A., that no one knows her last name, and that he runs L.A. Natalie then reveals that there is a secret she and Kendra never revealed . . . Kendra had sex with Marcus. I’m a little confused, didn’t we already assume that?
Okay . . . . so to review, Kendra is just as responsible for the fight as Natalie, however, the girls ditched Natalie in Santa Barbara two weeks ago. All the girls, particularly Annie, seem quite happy with the prospect that Natalie will not be returning. The girls happily pack all of Natalie’s things (one of her purses looks like MC Hammer pants reborn. Gross) and rejoice in her absence! Kate seems a little worried because for the past few weeks she has been on team Natalie, and now she is aware that all of the girls left in the house dispise her. In a video confession, Kate actually begs for Natlie to come back . . . . what in the world is going on? Kate is totally fake and, to say it bluntly, a bitch. Kate actually goes up to Annie’s crush and tells him Annie is crazy and that she (Kate) is a ‘good girl’. I can’t believe how awful and FAKE Kate is . . . She actually calls Annie fat. Not cool on two parts: Annie is not crazy and certainly not fat. Get some more extensions, Kate.
Next, the girls go paintballing. AWESOME! Annie, Amber and Lexie vs. Kate and Kendra. Who do you think won? You’re right . . . the team with more people!
Later, Kendra invites L.P. over for a late night rendezvous . . . . Ooh la la! BUT it reaches 1 a.m. and he still hasn’t arrived! Kendra isn’t my fave, but this is B.S. Annie says it perfectly: “I think a man should go out of his way to make her feel special, and I don’t think L.P. is doing that to Kendra.” Right on, Annie! Again, not only is Annie a good friend a person, but she is totally REAL and respectful :) But . . . regardless of his , Kendra still bones him . . . Although I don’t really agree with this, Kendra is lookin’ for some (physical) love and is being real about it. She’s not making the relationship with L.P. out to be something it isn’t.
The episode opens in reverse: The girls return from their Santa Barbara trip and call attention to their plethora of bruises…we the viewers are lost. What caused these bruises? Where is everyone? Who am I? Before we can answer…it starts back at the beginning. Thanks Oxygen for going all Tarantino on us.
Flo’s gone and Kate returns from the hospital, apparently de-swined. They rip Flo’s picture off the wall and rejoice by throwing it in the pool, as Amber says “to metaphorically drown her”…I think she was trying to make a clever allusion to her and Flo’s epic pool fight…I think.
Natalie wants to have fun with her little “monster” and takes Kendra to get a new weave…a $500 weave. When Natalie plays with her toys, I guess she goes big or goes home. Wait. This doll paid for it herself. Best toy EVER! Kendra claims she’s fully aware of Natalie’s presumed intentions and “won’t be played!” Yet, she does absolutely nothing about it.
With new hair in TOE…hahaha, Natalie and Kendra invite some new man-meat over to devour. But for once the girls’ conversations with the aforementioned man-meat is not gold-digging, or booty-gettin’, but almost more in the tone of yearning for a soul-mate. What an appropriate follow-up to Valentine’s day.