Because nothing says “I’m a big, tough Alaskan man” better than naming your kid after a gun. Or a really shitty car from the 80′s. See Exhibit A:

And of course, Exhibit B:

No, it’s apparent that Alaska is famous not only for its oil and having LeAnn Rimes and Eddie Cibrian film their love movie there, but for its bevy of stupid names (Breeze Beretta Johnston … Track Palin … Piper Palin … Trig Palin … Tripp Johnston), too.

From the Huff Po:

Levi Johnston’s second child will be a girl named Breeze Beretta, his pregnant girlfriend, Sunny Oglesby, told Inside Edition in an interview to air Wednesday. Beretta is the name of an Italian firearms manufacturer, and Oglesby confirmed that the child will be named after a gun.

She also talked about the accidental nature of the pregnancy.

“We were out at the cabin for like, four days, and forgot the birth control,” she said.

Johnston told Inside Edition that he plans on doing things differently with Oglesby than he did with Bristol Palin, the mother of their son, Tripp.

“I’m actually in love…not doing it just because we had a kid together,” he said.

Bristol Palin has been vocal in criticizing Johnston for being an absent father. She recently told In Touch she is “upset” he is having another child already, and that she worries Tripp could be teased at school.

“I don’t want him to go to elementary school with 10 half-siblings,” she said. “That would really affect him.”

Yes, because going to school with half-siblings never happens. Jesus, Bristol, f-cking move, then, if you’re so worried that your son’s developmental milestones are going to be deeply shaken by the fact that maybe—just maybe—his daddy’s a skank.

As for you, Levi Johnston, you’re just weird, OK? YOU’RE WEIRD.

Finally, I have a personal story about a Beretta that I just can’t shake. See, one of my high school boyfriends drove a navy Beretta, and he was a really nice guy. And it goes to show, I was a heartless little shit back in high school, too, because one time? We were on our way out to meet some friends for lunch one weekend when I noticed that my already-anal-retentive boyfriend had a change organizer strapped to the driver’s side sun visor, and I immediately began laughing and poking fun at the fact that he was seventeen years old and rocked a change organizer on his visor like he was some sort of grandpa going on a road trip and needed easy access to his toll money. I wasn’t, you know, trying to be malicious or anything, but he actually pulled the car over on the side of a busy street (where there was no curb to pull over to), and he cried. Guys, I almost died. I didn’t know what to do. What the hell are you supposed to do with a seventeen-year-old boy who’s crying over a change organizer? We broke up shortly after that.

He’s an airline pilot today, and even though I haven’t seen him in over ten years, I’m pretty sure it’s a safe bet to make in saying that I’d probably ask him if his plane has a change organizer on its sun visor.

You know, for all those tolls he probably has to pay.

Ugh, man, I’m going to totally hate myself for saying this, but isn’t Gwyneth Paltrow cute without makeup? I know that’s probably precisely what she wants to hear from us (the commoners), and she’s probably going to ride this high horse for the next six years—at least—but I had to say it. I’m sorry. Sometimes I just can’t lie when it comes to certain celebrities, and though it’s unfortunate that it’s all about Gwyneth Paltrow this time, I couldn’t do it now, either.

This is Gwyneth, no makeup, running errands in the rain while in London. And it’s apparent—personal feelings aside—that girlfriend is even striking when she doesn’t have a full face of powder and contouring paste and fake eyelashes on.

How do all you guys feel about girlfriend? Is she a self-righteous twat little flower no matter what she looks like? Or should we cut her some slack and say, “Hey. Maybe she’s not as miserably self-involved as she comes off”?

And you better watch it quick, because it’s being pulled down faster than you can say “Terry Richardson messed himself.” Because Terry Richardson probably messed himself. He probably wrecked himself as soon as he checked himself.

The above video is Kate Upton, wiggling and jiggling and gyrating all over the place to the song ‘Cat Daddy’, performing along with the ‘Cat Daddy’ song just for Terry Richardson (and all of the People of the Internet).

Two people doing what they do best—Terry, exploiting the hotness of young women the world over; and Kate, being admired for her body, her sex-faces, and her hip-shaking skills. It’s a perfect match, guys.

Next.

From Us Weekly:

Although they split nearly three years ago, the 34-year-old singer (whose exes also include Jessica Simpson and Jennifer Love Hewitt) penned his single “Shadow Days” (from the album Born and Raised) with Aniston, 43, in mind.

“Shadow Days is about Jen,” a source tells Us Weekly. “It really took him a long time to get over her. He really loved her a lot.”

Sings Mayer in the song: “”You find yourself alone. . . I found myself in pieces/ On my hotel floor/Hard times help me see/I’m a good man with a good heart/Had a tough time, got a rough start/And I finally learned to let it go.”

Explains the source: “He wrote the song as a farewell letter knowing [Jen] would hear it. Ultimately he’s done a lot of self reflection though and it he realizes they weren’t right for each other.”

The rocker and the Horrible Bosses actress first got together in April 2008 and, after multiple breakups, called it quits for good in late 2009. Aniston has been happily ensconced with Justin Theroux for over a year now. “[John and Jen] weren’t right for each other, but he is really a good guy.”

Oh! Do you guys even remember them dating? Because they did. It was a pretty serious relationship, too. Serious enough that they were “confirmed” to be “enjoying their friendship.” Ugh. John Mayer. In further detail, this is what he has to say about his previous relationship with Jennifer Aniston, through song:

Did you know that you could be wrong
And swear you’re right
Some people been known to do it
All their lives
But you find yourself alone
Just like you found yourself before
Like I found myself in pieces
On the hotel floor
Hard times have helped me see

I’m a good man, with a good heart
Had a tough time, got a rough start
But I finally learned to let it go
Now I’m right here, and I’m right now
And I’m open, knowing somehow
That my shadow days are over
My shadow days are over now

Well I ain’t no troublemaker
And I never meant her harm
But it doesn’t mean I didn’t make it hard to carry on

Well it sucks to be honest
And it hurts to be real
But it’s nice to make some love
That I can finally feel
Hard times let me be

I’m a good man, with a good heart
Had a tough time, got a rough start
But I finally learned to let it go
Now I’m right here, and I’m right now
And I’m open, knowing somehow
That my shadow days are over
My shadow days are over now

I’m actually speechless. I don’t know what’s crazier—the fact that this is the second girlfriend by the name of Jennifer that he’s written a song about (guys, he’s like the male Taylor Swift), or that Jennifer Aniston made John Mayer collapse on a hotel room floor*.

*Because she’s Jennifer Aniston, you know.

Well, sort of, anyway. She’s wearing a sheer top in which you can see some pretty serious nip, and she’s wearing white cotton panties to match.

Have you ever seen Sofia Vergara’s boobs? No? Then shut up and enjoy. Don’t start bitchin’ that there’s no crotch shots available, because damn. DON’T BE SO GREEDY.

Jump in for the uncensored nudity-nude-nude-nuderson.

(more…)

Why was Lindsay Lohan in and out of the bathroom at the White House Correspondents’ Dinner all night? That’s a rhetorical question.[The Superficial]

Lionel Richie is fired. [Bitten and Bound]

Kourtney Kardashian’s bump is probably fake, too. [Starpulse]

Kelly Osbourne’s newest hair. [Hollywood PQ]

Taylor Lautner is boning his high school sweetheart. [Socialite Life]

Britney‘s going to Vegas. [Celebslam]

Lindsay‘s “fat.” [Yeeeah]

The new ‘Dark Knight Rises‘ trailer is here. [The Blemish]

More vintage nudes of Madonna for auction. Who’s buying this crap, really? [OMGBlog]

Khloe‘s going to have her own show, did you hear? [The Frisky]

Chelsea Handler complains about her time-consuming romance. [Cele|bitchy]

2012 Tony nominations. [LA Times]

Nicole Kidman goes mousy-chic. [Lainey Gossip]

Victoria Beckham drives off, forgets to take her kid with her. [Jezebel]

‘Where Have You Been’, Rihanna? [Hollywood Dame]

Masculine and non-masculine superheroes of the last decade. [Pajiba]

Rick Santorum wants Lindsay Lohan. [IDLYITW]