Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Charlie Sheen Thinks Using the Word “F-ggot” Makes Him Hip, Maybe

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And not just f-ggot, guys, f-ggot assholes. Isn’t that so, so nice?

As the story goes, Charlie was hosting a music event at a club in Cabo, and before introducing the acts (which included Slash), he asked the crowd how they were doing. Apparently, they weren’t “doing” good enough for him, so he cried, “How we doing? … Lying bunch of f**got a**holes, how we doing?”

Charlie later talked to TMZ, who asked him about the slip. Charlie answered “I meant no ill will and intended to hurt no one and I apologize if I offended anyone”, and also, “I meant to say maggot but I have a lisp”, because yes, it’s totally funny to make fun of the credibility of your own apology by making fun of your own apology.

A leopard never really does change its spots, does it? All of that good-heartedness, giving Lindsay Lohan a hundred grand to pay off her tax debt … donating to help a little girl fight cancer … can Charlie’s use of the word “f-ggot” be overlooked because of his humanitarian deeds? I’ll be damned if I know.

Guess the Celebrity: Who’s Got the Ganked-Up ‘Do?

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This is the boy and this is his girlfriend, and that thing on his head (also known as “hair) is … well, everything but the hair is pretty good, I’d have to say.

Here’s three hints to get you going—

—He’s a total prick in the series of films for which he’s famous
—I always questioned whether or not he’s a natural blonde
—His “American” accent is darling

Jump in to find out who it is!

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Quotables: Piers Morgan Says He’s Going to Deport Himself

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To even try to conceive of how you would feel if your child was shot multiple times in the head by a Rambo madman at school is just impossible. I honestly don’t know how you would ever carry on with life. But my anger turned to blind rage when I saw the reaction to this hideous massacre in America. Sales of the specific weapon used, an AR-15 military-style assault rifle, rocketed at gun stores all over America in the days following the Sandy Hook shooting. And the country’s biggest gun supplier, Brownells, said it sold more high-capacity bullet magazines in three days than it normally did in three-and-a-half years. … And let me say that for every American who has attacked me on Twitter, Facebook or Fox News this past week, I’ve had many more thank me and encourage me to continue speaking out – including one lady who came up to me in Manhattan just before Christmas, grabbed my arm, and said firmly: ‘I’m with you. A lot of us are with you.’ In conclusion, I can spare those Americans who want me deported a lot of effort by saying this: If you don’t change your gun laws to at least try to stop this relentless tidal wave of murderous carnage, then you don’t have to worry about deporting me. Although I love the country as a second home and one that has treated me incredibly well, I would, as a concerned parent first – and latterly, of a one-year-old daughter who may attend an American elementary school like Sandy Hook in three years’ time – seriously consider deporting myself.

Piers Morgan on gun control legislation and where this country may be headed if something big doesn’t change.

Could I say that I agree any more than I already do? No, because, truth be told, I couldn’t agree any more than I already do, and most of you guys know how I feel about all this. I’m not going to rehash it all, except to say that I’d definitely give second thought to moving to the “Land of Opportunity” if I were a foreigner. That’s about it.

Stars Without Makeup: LeAnn Rimes Probably Got Her Lips Done

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Hey, so this is LeAnn Rimes chilling at the airport in Los Angeles as she waits to board a flight to Nashville. I’d say she looks good—and I will, because she does—but even that isn’t really too redeeming, because it is, after all, LeAnn Rimes.

LeAnn and Eddie had custody of Eddie and Brandi’s children for the holidays, and Brandi, whom I’m starting to feel more and more sorry for (even though she’s totally as plastic as they come), Tweeted this:

Nothing worse the (sic) waking up Christmas morning without ur babys :(

I’ve asked before and I’m going to ask again, for the sake of redundancy: who’d you rather—LeAnn or Brandi?

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Lindsay Could Probably Sell That Fur to Pay Rent if She Still Needs To

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What’s Lindsay‘s deal these days, guys? Does she think that we don’t know that she’s broke or something? Because duh, we know, and she only looks foolish when she goes out in public in these elaborate outfits (either borrowed or stolen) and elaborate jewels (also either borrowed or stolen). It’s like the poor old bag lady, God love her, who picked up the Louis Vuitton bag that fell off the back of a truck one day and ran for it and who parades around with it banging around against her rumpled clothes and pee-smelling shoes. We know, OK?

At any rate, this is what Lindsay Lohan was wearing while entering the Dorchester Hotel in London, and just so you know, the cheapest room you can book at the Dorchester will set you back a cool $318 GBP per night, which is roughly $513 USD. Per night. Don’t know about you, but if I couldn’t afford to pay to keep my rental home, I sure wouldn’t be yukking it up in a hotel that costs double per day what it would cost to just pay the damn $8k a month in rent, good lord.

But hey—Lindsay’s looking all sorts of “great” and she’s probably super “proud” of herself, so we probably “shouldn’t” knock her off her wobbly-ass pedestal, right?

Love It or Leave It: Sofia Vergara’s Swimsuit

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So while some people (like me) love to celebrate the holidays in elastic-waist pants and knitted caps to conceal unwashed hair, some people (ahem, like Sofia Vergara) like to show people (like me) what it’s like to actually give a flying crap about what it means to look amazing all year round, and not just in the summertime, rum balls and eggnog be damned.

This is what Sofia Vergara’s wearing these days whilst frolicking in warm seas and chilling on yachts with her diamonds or whatever it is that she does, and got-damn, she does look good. I don’t even necessarily love the swimsuit, but because it’s on Sofia Vergara, it’s f-cking awesome. I’d have it, and I’d wear it, and if it weren’t for the fact that when I take all my clothes off these days, rum balls roll right out of my ass, I’d be rocking it right as we speak.

Sofia and her bathing suit: love it or leave it?

Jennifer Lawrence Would Rather Look Chubby On-Screen

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So Jennifer Lawrence did an interview with Marie Claire South Africa where she talked about body image (because duh, fatty) and what her social life is like (hint: limited). There’s not much else to say about this girl, because she’s probably the most wonderful female celebrity to ever have existed, so I’ll let her take it on over from here.

Here’s Jennifer on her New Year’s resolution:

My New Year’s Resolution is to stand up for myself. It’s hard for me. Nobody wants to be disliked. You always want to be polite and be nice. I tried to find a balance in saying what I mean and still being nice. I can’t do it. I have this ‘okay’ attitude and everything. I end up allowing myself to get walked over and resenting it.

Jennifer on going out:

I don’t like going out that much. I’m kind of an old lady. After it’s 11, I’m like ‘Don’t these kids ever get tired?’ When I’m out, I think about my couch.

And last, Jennifer on her awesome body image:

I’d rather look chubby on screen and like a person in real life.

Honestly, this lady just doesn’t get any more darling.

On a related note, how do you guys feel about New Year’s resolutions? Are you making any? I never make them, because I’m not really good at that whole “lifestyle change” thing that sometimes has to accompany New Year’s resolutions, but I admire those who do, and those who can stick to them. All I know is that this past year has been a pretty phenomenal year, and if 2012 is any indication of what’s to come in 2013, well. There’s going to be surprises around every fricking corner, guys.

What’s your resolution, if you happen to be making one?