Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Blind Item: Somebody’s Eating Paper

A photo of Blind Items

From Blind Gossip:

This actress is known mostly for her work in television. She is pretty, but she is desperate to be thinner. While she already looks slim, she thinks that if she could just drop a few more pounds that she will land the lead role in a series this year. She has a difficult time battling the hunger pangs, so she has resorted to a rather bizarre diet.

She has been eating paper. She buys rolls of paper towels made of unbleached paper, and chews bits of it all day long. She claims she is not hurting herself because she only eats natural paper and drinks plenty of water so that the paper passes naturally through her system.

I have no idea who this blind item is about. At all. Zero ideas. The two most popular guesses are Jennifer Aniston and Eva Longoria though: Jennifer because of the bit about water (mmmm, Smartwater!), and Eva because the bit about being “desperate.” But personally, I’ve got nothing.

That’s where you come in, friends. See if you can come up with some more guesses. Because I really, really want to know which bitch is eating paper.

Is It OK to Creep on Dakota Fanning Now?

A photo of Dakota Fanning

Dakota Fanning is 18, ok? She’s 18 years old. She’ll be 19 next month. She’s an adult. That means I can think she’s absolutely gorgeous, right?

It just feels weird to me because we’ve all seen this girl grow up, you know? Like, when I think of Dakota Fanning, I think of the little girl from I Am Sam. I think of little baby Dakota Fanning. But when I see this magazine cover, I think “gorgeous.” Is that ok? I feel like it’s kind of creepy.

But just look at this picture from the magazine shoot:

A photo of Dakota Fanning

That is a gorgeous young lady. Right?

If it makes it any better, I don’t think she’s hot. Kat Dennings is hot. Kat Dennings is scorching hot. Kat Dennings is … I can’t really talk about this anymore without getting uncomfortable, but I think you know what I mean. Dakota Fanning isn’t hot, not to me, anyway. Dakota Fanning just has lovely features that make me smile. And that’s not creepy. I don’t think so, anyway.

Ok, one more picture:

A photo of Dakota Fanning

See how nice this girl grew up?

Chris Brown Has A Cast on His Punchin’ Hand

A photo of Chris Brown

Poor, poor Chris Brown. We all know that he didn’t do anything wrong concerning his fight with Frank Ocean, and now look at this! This poor man has a cast on his right hand. What sort of monster is Frank Ocean anyway? What did he do to Chris’ hand? He probably stomped on it, huh? Or maybe he had a hammer in his pocket, just for occasions like this. You never know when a kind, gentle soul like Chris is going to come along and need some bones broken.

Oh, wait, is that the hand Chris punches with? He’s right-handed, so I’m pretty sure it is. Is it possible that he got this injury by hitting someone?

Nah. Nah, guys. Remember, this is the same injury that Olivier Martinez, Halle Berry‘s man, had after he got so brutally assaulted by Gabriel Aubry. This just looks like the universal injuries of poor angel victims who never do anything wrong ever. SO SAD.