Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Video of Lindsay’s Crack-Tastic Photo Shoot (NSFW)

Lindsay Lohan Smokes Topless in Bed (SFW version)

It’s been a while since I’ve written anything focusing on Lindsay Lohan, mostly because repeated exposure to her drunken antics, daddy problems, and dirty toenails starts to wear as thin as she is. The shit she’s been up to lately is still crazy, but because it’s Lindsay Lohan, I stopped caring. There are only so many cocaine jokes you can make before you feel snowed under.

But then, I saw these pics from her recent photo shoot with Muse magazine. And it all came flooding back. The general theme seems to be A) Smoking, B) Screwing, and C) Eating the upholstery.

The photographer said that Lindsay wasn’t trying to make the photo shoot “sensational” and was “okay with the nudity as long as it had artistic integrity.”

“When you see her nipple, it just happened in the moment. She was playing the role of Kate Moss — you’re at a party and you are with a guy you really love and another girl.”

Yeeeeeaaaaah.

I can’t post all the pics from the magazine because they’ve been going all over the internet today, forcing sites to take them down. But this recently-released video of the photo shoot is just as nip-tastic and classy. Nothing like enjoying a topless cigarette in bed after your threesome!

MTv Pulls its Punches: Is Snooki Blame Free by Virtue of Her Vagina?

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Have any of you been watching this protein-shake & Jager bomb fueled delightful little train wreck? I spent about 3 hours last weekend catching up on the activities of all the little guidos & guidettes (their terms, not mine). It’s a cocktail of fake boobs, hair gel, tanning beds, cockblocks, and sluttiness. In short, I can’t take my eyes off it. These may be some of the trashiest people I’ve ever seen on television– and I’ve watched my fair share of Bridezilla episodes.

During last week’s episode, MTv showed a preview of one of the guidettes, 21 year old Snooki, getting socked in the face by 24 year old school teacher Lou Ferro. The network originally played the incident up, posting a video entitled “Snooki Gets Punched,” which is in extremely poor taste… so it fit perfectly with the theme of the show and everyone on it. The video went viral, and after a big internet backlash, they’ve since pulled the video, cut the footage from the show, and issued a statement:

“What happened to “Snooki” was a crime and obviously extremely disturbing. After hearing from our viewers, further consulting with experts on the issue of violence, and seeing how the video footage has been taken out of context to not show the severity of this act or the resulting consequences, MTV has decided not to air “Snooki” being physically punched in next week’s episode.”

The network said the episode will still make clear what events happened that night and plans to air a message at the end of the show listing available resources for those in abusive relationships.

Yes, because nothing will make a woman in an abusive relationship finally seek help like  seeing some ho bag cockblocker getting punched in the face in a night club. This wasn’t domestic violence. This was a club fight between douche bags.

And this is where I throw gas on the fire.:

The idea that women are not responsible for their own actions, simply because they are women, bothers me. I’m not necessarily of the mind that you should never, ever hit a woman. If someone physically attacks you, you have the right to defend yourself, regardless of what’s between your legs. Now, as far as I know, Snooki didn’t physically attack the guy, so he had no right to physically retaliate, and regardless of what she said, I think it’s cowardly and douchey to suckerpunch someone that much smaller than you in the face, whether they’re male or female. Don’t misunderstand me on that point.

But Snooki is a bitch. She was yelling at some random guy in a club, with her face and her hands inches from his face, yelling god know’s what. It’s incredibly stupid to bitch out some random, drunk, pride-fueled douche in a club on the Jersey shore. No one with a penis would ever do it unless they wanted to get punched, so does having a vagina give Snooki an automatic get out of jail free card?

Like I said, I’ve watched episodes of the show in the past, and the guys from this show have punched out random guys in night clubs for talking much less trash than Snooki does, and everyone seems to think that’s okay, because it was a guy punching a guy.

If Snooki had been a man, wouldn’t this just have been another guido club fight? What if she had been a very small man? Is our aversion to this about size, or about gender? And is she entirely innocent in this, or should she take some responsibility for her role in this incident?

I’m putting on my asbestos underwear now. Flame away.

Happy Repeal Day! (An Important History Lesson)

Prohibition Ends at Last - Repeal Day

December 5th is Repeal Day in the United States. What’s Repeal Day you ask? Well, around the turn of the century, some uptight cunts decided that all of America’s problems could be solved by outlawing the consumption of alcohol. Somehow or other they managed to pass the Volstead Act in 1919– a law that plugged up the holes in the 18th amendment and made it illegal to imbibe, prosecutable to get plastered, verboten to be… very, very drunk.

Over the next 13 or so years, upright citizens suffered the dirge of dryness while organized crime ran rampant, fueled by a huge black market demand for alcohol. Finally, on December 5th, 1933, the 21st amendment was ratified, which repealed prohibition and once again made it legal for Americans to enjoy alcoholic beverages. People went nuts and unleashed 13 years’ worth of pent-up partying. Gin and Vodka rained down like dollar bills in a strip club. Beer and wine flowed freely like a stream of expletives from the mouth of a Detroit hooker.

We have a few “drinking holidays” in this country that didn’t start out as such, including St. Patrick’s Day and New Year’s Eve. And while many people in this nation use the fifth of May, or Cinco de Mayo– a Mexican holiday– as an excuse to get drunk, most of them don’t know anything about the fifth of December– or Cinco de Drinko — and don’t celebrate it. If there’s any single day of the year that should be celebrated with copious amounts of boozing, it’s the one that made it legal for you to do so.

Could you imagine not being able to enjoy a beer while watching football or relaxing after a hard day of work with a glass of wine? How many random bar friends would you not have made? How many white boys wouldn’t have danced? How many annoying drunk bitches wouldn’t have passed out on the sidewalk in a puddle of their own effluvium? How many of you would never have gotten laid were it not for the momentous historical events that took place on this day 76 years ago?

It’s high time that we Americans pay respect to our country’s heritage and raise a glass on this day, Repeal Day, to celebrate the return of our individual imbibing freedoms. Head out tonight to your favorite local bar, or get together with friends for a drink. For were it not for the 21st amendment that was ratified on this day, you wouldn’t be able to.

Happy New Beer’s Eve!