Nadya “Octomom” Suleman has refused to do porn, time and again. It’s sort of her thing. She was offered one million dollars to do a porn back in 2009, her heyday, and in 2010 she got an offer to star in her very own smutty film, and in exchange, she’d get her house paid for in full. And then, just a month ago, Octomom received another offer to do three hardcore sex scenes for $100,000 because her “market value has diminished.” Of course, she did do that topless shoot, but that was different.

This time, though, Octomom is doing a porn for real. Except she doesn’t think it’s a porn because it’s just going to be her by herself. Yeah, wrap your head around that for a minute.

From TMZ:

Octomom may be declaring bankruptcy, but she’s still very much the master of her own domain.

Octo has signed on to do a masturbation video … TMZ has learned.  She’s hooked up with an online adult entertainment company and will shoot the video this summer.  It will be released shortly thereafter — not a lot of post production, we’re told.

As for how much she’ll make, it’s hush hush, except we’re told, “It’s a lot more than the $10,000 she made for posing topless.”

You’ll recall Octo once vowed never to do porn, but she’s saying she doesn’t consider a masturbation video porn, because it’s a solo mission.

What do you guys think about this?  I can kind of see what she’s talking about a little bit in that I’m sure there would be a difference between having sex with some random person and just getting down with yourself.  But this is still porn, right?  I just Googled the definition of porn, and I got “printed or visual material containing the explicit description or display of sexual organs or activity,” so yeah, this definitely counts.  Even if there’s no one else there, you’re still showcasing all your business in a sexual manner.

I think this is also especially interesting considering this comment that Octomom made earlier in April:

“I won’t touch other human flesh,’’ Suleman said. “The only flesh I’m touching is my own. I would never, never accept anything. I will not lose my grip of my deeply indoctrinated morals and values. Every choice we parents make is going to significantly affect our children for the rest of our lives. It’s going to haunt them forever. I have to be the ultimate positive role model.’’

So did she already have this deal planned out? She did say “the only flesh I’m touching is my own.” I don’t even know. It seems odd though that less than a month ago she was talking about how she has to be “the ultimate positive role model,” and now she’s going to be jerkin’ it* on film. Whatever pays the bills, I guess.

Oh, just by the way, did you hear that she’s actually getting $4,000 to $5,000 a month in public assistance instead of the $2,000 a month we heard before? So that revelation along with the masturbatory news, that seems a tiny bit fishy, doesn’t it (LOL)?

*Do you still refer to mastubation as “jerkin’ it” if you’re referring to a lady? I do!

Yesterday, I went to my grandma’s house to hang out with her, my favorite aunt, and my dad. My hair is pink again, and I was wearing a polka dot skirt and a bright blue cardigan. My dad was like “you look nice, but I feel like I’d like your outfit more if I was on acid.” I didn’t know it at the time, but that’s the exact same sentiment I have for Rihanna‘s music video for her song, “Where Have You Been?” It looks nice, but it would probably do a whole lot more for me if I was on drugs.

Look, I know I don’t need to tell you how I feel about Rihanna. I know that you know that I’m not a fan. But I don’t think there’s a singer out there that I understand less. I don’t like Lady Gaga‘s music, but I get that she’s a great musician and she’s made herself an incredibly loyal fanbase. I don’t like Katy Perry‘s music, but I get that her songs are insanely catchy, and hardly a day goes by that I don’t let myself know that “baby, you’re a fiiiiirework.” I don’t like Rihanna’s music, but … that’s it. I just don’t like it. I know some of you guys have told me that you listen to her music because it’s fun, not because she’s some groundbreaking singer, but still. I’m just not going to understand people who listen to Rihanna.

But everybody has different tastes, and that’s just wonderful. While I’m baffled at your collection of techno music, you might be rolling your eyes over my collection of show tunes. While I’m mystified by your love of Rihanna, you might be mystified by my very favorite musician ever:

Or my very favorite ginger musician ever:

Or my very favorite band that is also my boyfriend’s very favorite band:

See? It takes different strokes to move the world. I just don’t get all you people who stroke it to Rihanna.

I am dying over here, you guys. I love these pictures with all my heart. Kim Kardashian and Kanye West are, of course, the greatest couple of our generation, a love story to beat all love stories, but these pictures? They’re in a whole different universe of awesome.

Look at Kanye’s tongue hanging out of his mouth! Look at his blank expression as he goes to adjust his balls! Things like this make me legitimately wonder if Kanye West is a human being or some other life form entirely. I don’t know if he’s from a different planet or from a different time, or if maybe he has some special kind of mutation that we’ve never even heard about before, but Kanye can’t be like the rest of us. He just can’t.

Oh, and my very favorite thing about these photos:

His PANTS. His pants are falling down and you can see his dainty underthings! I also love how his eyes pierce through you in this picture, like he knows how golden he is with this. He’s like “I’m precious and irreverent and y’all can see my panties, peace!” Love. It.

By the way, these pictures were taken in New York. Kim and Kanye, or Kandashian, if you will, went out to dinner and then back to Kanye’s apartment. These pictures were taken as they were going inside Kanye’s place. What do you think happened? There’s some speculation that something happened in the car involving Ye’s genitals, which would make a lot of sense, given his blank expression and pulled down pants. That seems dirty to think about though, doesn’t it? Kandashian is too pure and too sweet for backseat blow jobs.

You can browse the gallery to see a few other photos from this darling evening, and afterwards, we can theorize about what happened to Kanye’s pants. Or we can just giggle together, that works too.

And look, there’s the world’s best dressed woman right there, wearing what looks to be a Baltimore Orioles cap and a belly shirt that says “White Trash.” The world of fashion has set such incredibly high standards.

But really, Glamour somehow decided that Kristen Stewart is the best dressed woman in the whole entire world. Emma Watson came in second, and Victoria Beckham was third on the list. Other fashionable ladies include Florence of Florence and the Machine, Michelle Williams, and Blake Lively.

What I want to know is how Glamour came up with this list. I’m sure they didn’t count what Kristen wears when she’s not working, but looking solely at her red carpet appearances, I still don’t get it. I can’t remember anyone looking at what Kristen wore to the Kids Choice Awards or whatever and saying “wow, she looks absolutely stunning.” I’m not saying that I hate everything she’s ever worn, because I definitely don’t, but my reaction is always “oh, that’s nice” or “that’s adequate.” I don’t understand how she beat out all these other women for this title, especially when Emma Watson has been looking so awesome lately.

I went ahead and made a little gallery for you guys to check out. They’re pictures of Kristen from the past year at various award shows and premieres and such. Let me know if I’m missing out what makes her the best dressed woman in the world, ok? Because she’s just not cutting it for me.

Oh, wait, I just saw that Glamour listed Rihanna as number 10, so this list is clearly nonsense. You can go ahead and look through those pictures though!

Here’s a question to consider: how do you imagine all the Kardashian kraziness will end? There are a couple of broad options, as far as I can tell. One would be that it will never end. Kim, Kourtney, and Khloe would hand over the reins to Kendall and Kylie Jenner, who will in turn hand them over to the offspring of Kim, Kourtney, and Khloe, and the cycle will continue forever. Another option is that the public will lose interest in these people in the next couple of years or so, and the shows will get cancelled and they’ll all slip away into obscurity. The last option is that they’ll get tired of the cameras and the attention and retreat into privacy all by themselves.

With Kim and her trusty sidekick, Kris Jenner, I’m sure it will be that second option. But in a not-so-surprising move by our favorite Kardashian, Khloe has officially decided to end her show, Khloe and Lamar, on her own terms.

From TMZ:

Lamar Odom and Khloe Kardashian have decided to pull the plug on their spin-off show “Khloe & Lamar.”

Sources tell TMZ, the show’s second season will be its last … because Lamar wants to focus on reviving his fizzling NBA career.

As we previously reported, Lamar was relegated to the Dallas Mavericks’ inactive list after putting up career low numbers this season. If he’s lucky, he’ll be traded. If not, who knows …

But we’re told Lamar is determined to make a comeback — and he feels he should focus on only one project. Lamar will be living in L.A. full-time and he’s hired trainers to help him get his game back.

According to sources, Khloe and Lamar WILL make occasional appearances on the reality mother ship,”Keeping Up with the Kardashians” — but that’s it. No mas.

Yeah, Lamar didn’t do so hot in Dallas. He took a leave of absence for a while to take care of his ill father, and he missed quite a few games, and then he was demoted to the D-League for a bit, which I think would be like making Justin Timberlake give up all his fancy movies and fame and go on back to the Mickey Mouse Club. Then a few weeks ago, Lamar made a statement saying that he and the team have “mutually agreed that it’s in the best interest of both parties” for him to quit the team. The only thing I know about basketball is that I have a knack for hitting myself in the face with the ball, so I have no idea where Lamar can go from here. Would it be a long shot for him to get traded? Is it almost certain that he’ll have to retire? No idea.

All I know is that Khloe sounds like a lovely, supportive wife, who is also a Kardashian who is willingly stepping out of the spotlight. Yeah, I’m still having trouble comprehending that one.

From People:

From the moment she stepped into the spotlight, Beyoncé has been the center of her fair share of rumors.

But even PEOPLE’s 2012 Most Beautiful Womanwas caught off guard when, while pregnant with her first child, whispers started swirling that she and husband Jay-Z had settled on a surrogate to carry their daughter.

“That was crazy. It wasn’t hurtful, it was just crazy,” the songstress, 30, tells PEOPLE. “[I thought] ‘Where did they come up with this?’”

But perhaps the person most affected by the surrogacy speculation was not the expectant mom herself, but rather her own mother, Tina Knowles.

“I thought it was very unfair and very cruel that someone would think that someone would be that diabolical to keep up a charade like that for nine months,” she says. ”As a mother it was painful for me to hear the crazy rumors. And I even had people ask me, which was so ridiculous.”

Alluding to an Australian interview in which it was later suggested that Beyoncé had been sporting a prosthetic bump, Knowles says, “It was a fabric that folded — does fabric not fold? Oh my gosh, so stupid.”

Fortunately, the protective mom adds, her daughter’s global fan following offered plenty of support. “There was so much love and well wishes from all over the world — it made it easier to deal with the stupid rumors.”

But the dust didn’t settle once the couple welcomed their baby girl.

Amidst the joy of welcoming Blue Ivy on Jan. 7, the new parents were said to have upset the hospital with their high list of security demands — a rumor that Beyoncé clarifies is “so crazy” and “ridiculous.”

Totally ridiculous.

I knew this girl in college who would just lie all the time. There was just a constant stream of lies pouring out of her lying mouth at all times. She would make up excuses for why she couldn’t do things and she would make up stories about things she had done. And it wasn’t a surprise or anything, because everyone knew what was going on. When anybody called her out on it and just flat out said “girl, this isn’t true, you are lying,” she’d always say “what? That’s crazy. That’s so ridiculous. What?” That was her defense, to call everything “crazy” and “ridiculous.” And that’s why I’m like “whatever, Beyonce.”

By the way, here’s that video that’s “oh my gosh, so stupid,” the one where the fabric of Beyonce’s dress folds:

Yep, still looks less like fabric folding and more like a belly folding to me, Bey.