Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Robert Pattinson Is Giving Himself Until Valentine’s Day to Get Over It

A photo of Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart

It seems like ever since Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson got back together after that whole cheating incident, things haven’t been all that awesome. There were rumors that Kristen wouldn’t let Rob touch her, and rumors that Kristen was getting frustrated by the fact that Rob couldn’t get over it completely.

Now the story is that Rob knows he can’t get over it completely, and that’s why he’s giving himself a deadline. He has until February 14th, the international day of lovers and red roses and sitting in your pajamas with a pint of ice cream and a heart full of regret, to decide what he wants to do. He’s going to just take January off and decide if he wants to stick with Kristen for the long haul (AND MAYBE PROPOSE) or if he wants to just cut his losses and be done.

This is fair, I guess, but I’m sticking with my original advice of “just run, Rob, run to me and sleep on my couch while I feed you soup and put in sad movies and fix your heart.” I just don’t see how someone, especially a sensitive guy like Rob, can just carry on after that kind of thing. And I know we’ve talked about this plenty of times before, but I don’t get how you can ever get equal footing after that. It seems like after one person has an affair, things are, at best, weirdly and permanently skewed. I don’t get it.

So I’ll expect you over in mid-February, Rob. I’ll get a supply of Nicholas Sparks movies and wine ready. You just bring your sad self over whenever you need to.

Emma Stone And Andrew Garfield Adopted A Dog!

A photo of Emma Stone and Andrew Garfield

Even though I don’t think I’ve ever really talked about them before, Emma Stone and Andrew Garfield are one of my favorite couples right now. They’re both just so cute on their own, and they’re super cute together. Oh, and one time they did this thing where they were eating at some diner and they saw some photographers waiting to get some pictures, so they made these little signs on napkins with information about a couple of charities and their websites. Isn’t that precious? That kind of stuff is why I love them.

But guys, they’ve adopted a dog together. Isn’t that precious? They were looking for a dog, and they saw a cute golden retriever mix (People says she’s a purebred, but I’m not too sure). They liked her, but they weren’t for sure about her, but eventually they decided to be foster parents to her. And then a couple of days ago, right on Christmas Eve, they formally adopted her. They named her Ren, and they have since taken her for a walk:

A photo of Andrew Garfield

It’s ok, you can swoon. I swooned.

Gwyneth Paltrow Wrote A New Cookbook!

A photo of Gwyneth Paltrow

This is for you guys who have read through Gwyneth‘s first cookbook countless times, and for those of you who have already cooked every recipe in that thing. This is for you guys who have read every single GOOP newsletter, looking for the little pearls of wisdom that only Gwyneth* can gift to you. Treasure it, friends.

The book is called It’s All Good: Delicious, Easy Recipes That Will Make You Look Good and Feel Great. It won’t be released until April, but here’s the description:

Gwyneth Paltrow, Academy-Award winning actress and bestselling cookbook author, returns with recipes for the foods she eats when she wants to lose weight, look good, and feel more energetic.

Last spring, after a particularly grueling schedule and lapse of overindulgence, Gwyneth Paltrow was feeling fatigued and faint. A visit to her doctor revealed that she was anemic, vitamin D deficient, and that her stress levels were sky high. He prescribed an elimination diet to clear out her system and help her body heal. But this meant no coffee, no alcohol, no dairy, no eggs, no sugar, no shellfish, no deep-water fish, no wheat, no meat, no soy, nothing processed at all!

An avid foodie, Paltrow was concerned that so many restrictions would make mealtime boring, so, together with Julia Turshen, she compiled a collection of 185 delicious, easy recipes that followed her doctor’s guidelines. And it worked! After changing her diet, Paltrow healed totally, felt more energetic and looked great. Now, in IT’S ALL GOOD, she shares the go-to dishes that have become the baseline for the restorative diet she turns to whenever she feels she needs it. Recipes include: Huevos Rancheros, Hummus Tartine with Scallion-Mint Pesto, Salmon Burgers with Pickled Ginger, even Power Brownies, Banana “Ice Cream,” and more!

So get psyched, everybody. Doesn’t that “ice cream” sound delicious? Get them palates ready for some salmon burgers, and get them brains ready for some knowledge, ’cause April isn’t that far away!

*My boyfriend actually calls her Gwynnie Pig, like guinea pig only different. He does this because he likes to pretend that she is the best because I know that she is the worst.

Blind Item: Casper Smart Isn’t Such A Great Boyfriend

A photo of Casper Smart and Jennifer Lopez

From Blind Gossip:

This high-profile female celebrity bought her boyfriend a beautiful new automobile this holiday season. She even told him that there were no strings attached so that he could feel more manly about it.

He is so appreciative of her thoughtful gift that the first thing he did was to thank her with a few special hours in the bedroom.

The second thing he did was to start calling dealerships and researching the car online to get an idea of its value. That way, when they break up with next year, he can sell it for cash.

He has told friends that he already knows the relationship will likely not survive the upcoming scandal of her discovering how much he cheats on her. But will she be surprised when she finds out the gender of those with whom he is cheating?

There are a few other couples that this blind item could be about – Katy Perry and John Mayer, Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher, and Kim Kardashian and Kanye West are a few examples – but I’m going to stick with Jennifer Lopez and Casper Smart. For one, I don’t think any of these other dudes would go through the trouble of checking out car prices. They all make way too much money for that, I imagine, but Casper is a backup dancer. He could definitely use the money more than the other guys.

For two, Jennifer has a history of buying Casper fancy gifts. She even bought him a truck for his last birthday, which sets up a nice tradition.

And finally, there’s that clue about the cheating, particularly the part about cheating with men. I think we can all fondly recall the photo of Casper in the shiny gold shorts that accompanied the story about his rumored sexuality, and I would be the least surprised if it was all true.

In closing, Casper Smart is a shady character who is using Jennifer Lopez and her loving nature to gain fame and money. And that’s sad, but not at all surprising.

Any other guesses?

Jessica Simpson’s Boobs Are Probably Going to Explode

A photo of Jessica Simpson

So Jessica Simpson posted this photo on Twitter yesterday, and she captioned it “fun in the sun.” And I’m sure she was excited about her vacation, and I know she likes to share personal photos on Twitter, but all I can think about are her boobs. Does that make me a bad person?

I sort of have this fear of pregnancy boobs. See, my sister got pregnant with her first kid when I was 10, and I was convinced that it was my duty to read through all of the books that she got to teach her about that special time. So I read What to Expect When You’re Expecting in between The Babysitters Club, and I kept learning that during pregnancy, and then during nursing, your boobs can grow A LOT. I was already an early bloomer (one day in fifth grade I decided I didn’t want to wear a bra for once, and my teacher had to have a little talk with me about appropriateness), and I was already used to being teased for it, so I just got this horrible image of being ALL BOOB, and literally toppling over, and having everyone in the world call me Big Boob Girl, my beloved second grade nickname.

The fear stuck though, and while I don’t worry about toppling over anymore, I worry about having to buy new bras, which are stupid expensive now anyway, and having my clothes not fit right. Oh, and about my boobs strangling me in my sleep. You know, more realistic things.

But anyway, Jessica Simpson just reignites that terrible fear in me, but at the same time, hey, boobs. Everybody loves boobs. Come get you an eye full of boob!

Did Miley Cyrus Get Married Without Even Telling Us?!

A photo of Liam Hemsworth and Miley Cyrus

Ok. That right there is a photo that Liam Hemsworth posted online, and I’m sure you can see the thing that I’m talking about it. He’s wearing a ring on THAT FINGER. Does it look like a wedding ring? Yes, it kind of does.

Now here’s a picture of Miley with her little sister. Look closely at her hand:

A photo of Miley Cyrus

If you look really hard, you can see that she’s wearing two rings on That Finger: her engagement ring, and … what? A wedding band? Did these kids have a secret Christmas wedding too? Is Miley the kind of person to have a secret wedding, or is she going to do that thing where she has three huge weddings? What is even going on here?

Britney’s Getting Fired for Not Being Crazy Enough

A photo of Britney Spears

From Us Weekly:

Looks like Britney Spears’ X Factor gig will be a one-and-done kind of deal.

As the new issue of Us Weekly reveals, the “Hold It Against Me” singer is on her way out as a judge for Fox’s hit reality competition, which wrapped its second season on Dec. 20.

“Britney will get the boot,” an insider tells Hot Stuff of the pop star, who joined the show in May, along with fellow newcomer Demi Lovato. “Producers wanted her for the long haul, but it isn’t working.”

One reason? Spears’ $15 million contract, which sources say the low-energy mentor hasn’t earned. “They paid all that for her to say ‘amazing’ and offer half-claps,” a second insider tells Us.

Adds a third source of show co-creator Simon Cowell, who is leading the charge to axe the performer: “He wanted crazy Britney, but he got boring Britney.”

Spears’ firing would be the latest in a long line of departures over the show’s short lifespan. In the space of just two seasons, the series has lost or let go of Paula Abdul, Nicole Scherzinger, Cheryl Cole and — most recently – L.A. Reid, who announced his decision to leave earlier this month.

Spears is likely next on the chopping block, but Cowell, 53, hasn’t always had it out for her. During a conference call in October, he told reporters that she had been “a lot better than everybody thought…She’s very engaged…She has been, I think, a very, very good judge.”

I didn’t watch the show this season, or any season, but I didn’t hear about Britney having a meltdown and setting the judges’ table on fire, so I’m guessing she was a little more subdued than they imagined she would be. And her $15 million contract does sound a little high when you consider that she didn’t deliver that good old fashioned crazy face. But I don’t know, the firing sounds a little extreme. Poor Britney.

Did any of you guys actually see her on the show?