“She’s been pulled so tight, they say, that when she swallows she has an orgasm.”
—Joan Rivers gives David Letterman the inside scoop on Goldie Hawn’s plastic surgery.
Oh gosh. When I read this, I screamed. I literally screamed. It’s gems like these…! I’m telling you, there’s a reason Joan Rivers is America’s second-best living insult comic. (As for Melissa Rivers? Well, I am forever grateful to her for signing my Los Angeles Avengers Arena football.)
But Joan wasn’t done, going on to insinuate that Betty White slept her way to the top.
“She is known in the business as ‘Bendover Betty,'” Rivers announces. Letterman looks genuinely embarrassed. Come on, Dave! I thought everyone knew, at least in her prime, Betty White was a man-eater on the prowl. And—while you wouldn’t guess it from her Password appearances—Betty White will do nudity. Will she ever! She is a sex panther! My last boyfriend slowly worked his way through the 2011 Betty White pin-up calendar, and all I can say is, yowza.
Elsewhere, Rivers admitted she pulled a Whitney Houston joke from a recent episode of E! Fashion Police:
“Once somebody’s dead [we pull it],” she said, “That’s why I won’t do a Betty White joke, because I’m so scared.”
Bam! Pow! If I were Betty, I’d be terrified of Joan Rivers.