Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Taylor Swift Tried to Beatbox With LL Cool J

I’m not going to lie: I definitely cracked a smile during this clip of LL Cool J beatboxing (with the, ah, help of Taylor Swift), but it wasn’t because I thought it was cute or endearing or anything like that, no sir. It was because sometimes, when bad things happen, like there’s a lot of tension in the room because someone (no names mentioned) ate the last six fish sticks without telling anyone else, or when, you know, someone accidentally sets themselves on fire and I have no other reaction because my natural response to a crisis is to laugh or smirk, it’s what I do.

I mean, that probably means that there’s something wrong with me, and that there are various emotional receptors broken in my soul and the parts that connect to my face, but it happens, and even if it’s insulting, it honestly means nothing. Nothing. No, when that last fish stick is all but in the toilet or the neighbor sets himself on fire again trying to make his annual firepit, it’s genuine discord I’m feeling. Discord. And I take no perverse joy or mirth in knowing that there’s no fish sticks left or that neighbor-man has to be admitted to the burn ward again because of that infection he’s just getting over from last year. No sirree. All I feel is sadness and concern, but because there’s something broken inside me, I kind of smile.

I think that’s the only explanation I have for my reaction to this video.

3 CommentsLeave a comment