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9Jessica Biel Is Just Bad at Dressing

A photo of Jessica Biel

This is what Jessica Biel decided to wear for last night’s premiere of Hitchcock in New York. And even if a stylist picked this for her, it still means that someone with access to beautiful, elegant fashions chose this, and Jessica here obviously made the choice to put it on her body. You know, just the fact that this ensemble exists is troubling enough, I don’t really need to get into it anymore than that.

But listen, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about Jessica Biel lately, because what else would I be doing? And I decided that if I met Jessica in real life, I’d probably like her. I don’t know if you guys have this friend, but I think she’d be the type of girl that’s sweet and fun to talk to and bake with and everything, but every once in a while she’d say something and you’d just be like “Oh. My God. Jessica, shut your mouth.” Because it’s never meant to be mean or rude or anything, she just got confused. And then you’d go out to parties, and you’d meet up and be like “Jess, are you seriously wearing that?” And she would look confused, like a puppy that doesn’t understand why he got scolded for chewing up your shoes, and you’d just be like “come on, girl, let’s go.”

However, I still think that this outfit would warrant a good long talk. Because … just look at it.

November 19, 2012 at 3:30 pm by Emily
Filed Under: Jessica Biel

9 Responses to “Jessica Biel Is Just Bad at Dressing”

  1. meh says:

    This looks like something Blanche from the Golden Girls would wear.

  2. lo says:

    I legit laughed to this headline. Well done, lady.

  3. Elizabeth says:

    She needs to fire her stylist. Or hell I don’t know, but just fix It Jessica, damn.

  4. Hm says:

    Yep, elderly Miami socialite.

  5. d-bo says:

    I saw the article and then I took a look at the top of it and I was like… Yo diz bish who wrote the article needs a different sense of style… like why dafuq is this bish talkin about other people’s style and she got pink hair and those ugly azz fuqqin dork glasses on? How fuqqin original bish. Personally, I think diz website is a big load of horseshizz. Like yo, let people live their lives how they want. Who dafuq care what this fine azz bish Jezzica Biel is wearin. She still fine as fuq and could get disdick. It’s not what’s on the outside that counts… It’s what’s under them jeans baby.

  6. Lila says:

    I can tell by your lovely picture that you know a lot about fashion and style.

  7. Bruce Jonathan Fick says:

    With all that Piscean charm, a happy life with many rewarding
    prospects, and the soul character many strive for yet never achieve, that premis and a buck still wouldn’t buy you a cup
    of coffee. That particular lady has a star in the Pisces cluster Constellation officialy named after her. Now THAT’S something
    the Greeks would attribute to demigods/demigodesses. Happy upcoming birthday. Jessica. All the Love in the world to you too.
    As one other soul put it, in a timeless way, I hope you dance.

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