Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Hey, Your Breakfast Called, It’d Like Another Word With You

photo of courtney stodden and doug hutchison pictures
So guys, I’ve got a little story to tell you. See, yesterday morning I traveled to my home state of Pennsylvania for my obligatory every-three-year visit, and so, so much happened. Namely the fact that I spent almost entire seven hours in my vehicle carsick, at least until I crossed into the Pocono mountains, where I’m staying (more on that later), because I’m just not used to driving around in these mountains anymore. Seriously, these big old dips and bends and gullies—they were almost enough to make me pull over, and easily enough to give me the case of the belches and hiccups in an effort to keep the minimal food I’d eaten throughout the course of the day *because* of the carsickness, and that’s … well, that’s pretty gross.

That’s also kind of what happens when I look at this photo of Courtney Stodden and Doug Hutchison, because I literally haven’t been in my car for at least fourteen hours now—I’m safely tucked away in a friend’s country club vacation home, which, no joke, is f-cking haunted. I don’t know why they didn’t, you know, mention that to begin with, but I spent a good portion of last night wondering why wire hangers were rattling in closets and falling to the ground, or why the sink would turn on ever-so-slightly … so needless to say, I didn’t sleep very well last night. Which didn’t bode all that well with the sensitive condition of yesterday’s stomach, which, when exposed to Courtney Stodden’s comical boobs, Doug Hutchison’s mushroom pallor, and the kiss-mark of stanky red lipstick on Doug’s face, seriously. almost. made me lose it. altogether.

If I don’t run screaming from this vacation now, well. I’m a much, much stronger person than I’ve ever given myself credit for, and that’s a fact.

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