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9Happy Birthday, Gwyneth Paltrow!

A photo of Gwyneth Paltrow

You guys! It’s Gwyneth Paltrow‘s birthday today! Can you believe it? She’s 40 years old! That’s a big year, isn’t it? That’s why we have to make a fuss over her!

I was going to do a gallery of photos like we usually do on birthdays, but Gwyneth is far too special for that. So I decided to collect some of her best quotes instead because, as we all know, what’s on the inside is far more important than what’s on the outside.

Here’s Gwyneth on how she’s better than drunk people:

“I don’t really have drunk friends. My friends are kind of adult; they have a drink. But they hold their liquor. I think it’s incredibly embarrassing when people are drunk. It just looks so ridiculous. I find it very degrading. I think, ooh, you’re really degrading yourself right now, to be this pissed out in public.”

And here’s Gwyneth on the horrors of cheap noodles:

“I would rather die than let my kid eat Cup-a -Soup.”

Here’s Gwyneth explaining how talented and special she is:

“I’m really f-cking good at my job, and people who are interesting and good know that, and that’s all that matters.”

Now here’s Gwyneth explaining how all Americans suck:

“I like living here because I don’t fit into the bad side of American psychology. The British are much more intelligent and civilized than the Americans.”

Here’s Gwyneth knowing everything about your life:

“Every woman can make time [to work out] — every woman — and you can do it with your baby in the room. There have been countless times where I’ve worked out with my kids crawling around all over the place. You just make it work.”

Because she’s just like you:

“I’m just a normal mother with the same struggles as any other mother who’s trying to do everything at once and trying to be a wife and maintain a relationship. There’s absolutely nothing perfect about my life, but I just try hard.”

Here’s to at least forty more years of saying the dumbest shit I’ve ever heard! Yay, Gwyneth!

September 27, 2012 at 4:30 pm by Emily
Filed Under: Gwyneth Paltrow

9 Responses to “Happy Birthday, Gwyneth Paltrow!”

  1. Webster says:

    How about coming off your high horse and pulling that stick out of your butt, Gwyneth. But you already knew the American side of my psychology was bad and I was going to say that to you, Happy Birthday, love your mothers acting, try harder and I may someday like yours.

  2. lease says:

    I loled that she referred to someone getting ‘pissed’ – would’ve thought that term was far to below her.

  3. 3 says:

    she looks the same

  4. Pique says:

    Funny how she’s praising the British. I’m from the continent and have been living in Britain for the past seven years, and I think these people primal, uneducated and barbaric fools – I love them, but it doesn’t change the fact that I would never in a million years try to raise a family here. Burn, Gwyneth, you and your hatred for soup-in-a-cup.

  5. Lola says:

    I really dislike this pretentious twat. How can her husband stand listening to her shit all day?!

  6. none says:

    >How can her husband stand listening to her shit all day?

    ‘Cuz she’s rich, attractive, and probably sucks dick like a champ.

  7. pikki nikki polka pants says:

    All hail the cunt queen!

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