Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Gwyneth Paltrow

Martha Stewart has some “advice” for Gwyneth Paltrow

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If there’s one thing we all need to learn in life, it’s this: do not fuck with Martha Stewart. She is not here for anyone’s bullshit. Also, she is not here for your copycat “lifestyle guru” nonsense because she did it first and she does it best, so sit down and stay in your lane. She had to put Blake Lively in her place and now she’s doing it to Gwyneth Paltrow, which is pretty much the best thing EVER (because who among us doesn’t dream of telling Gwyneth Paltrow off?).

From Page Six:

“She just needs to be quiet. She’s a movie star. If she were confident in her acting, she wouldn’t be trying to be Martha Stewart.”

LOL DAAAAAAAAMN. Martha Stewart is so ice cold… but she’s completely correct. No one is saying (at least I’m not) that a woman has to stick to one thing and can never do anything but the thing she’s known for, but to pretend as if Gwyneth Paltrow has any credibility whatsoever when it comes to telling anyone how to live their lives when she advocates eating 700 calories per day and says she’d rather kill herself than let her kids eat Cup-o-Noodles (FOOL!). I’m Team Martha all the way, on this matter and most others, as it happens.

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Gwyneth Paltrow Wants To Be Jewish

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Gwyneth Paltrow reportedly wants to be one of the chosen people — no, I’m not referring to the Spice Girls — I’m referring to Jews. Apparently, Ms. Paltrow would like to convert to Juadiasm. As a Jew, can I just say, oy! Keep in mind it’s from the Daily Mail, so take it with a little bit of kosher salt. From The Daily Mail:

For years she has followed Kabbalah, which has its roots in the Jewish faith.

Now Gwyneth Paltrow is said to be ‘quietly converting’ to Judaism.

It was reported yesterday that the Hollywood actress, 41, has chosen to embrace the faith more closely following the break-up of her marriage to British singer Chris Martin this year.

The claim was made by the New York Post, which said Miss Paltrow was already raising her daughter Apple, ten, and son Moses, eight, in a Jewish setting after learning about her family history on the US version of the genealogy programme Who Do You Think You Are?.

Miss Paltrow discovered she came from a long line of influential East European rabbis.

Previously she has joked that she was a ‘Jewish princess’ after learning she had 17 generations of rabbis running through her family tree.

Oh she WOULD. She’s also said (via Fashion Times):

Oh my God, if you saw the amount of food that I do. I am the original Jewish mother. I make meals from these new recipes that look, smell and taste like the food I always cooked, but are also super healthy. That is an additional joy.

Girl, that doesn’t sound like ANY Jewish mother I know of. Jewish mothers don’t give a fuck about health content or count calories. They just eat and complain about the calories hours later. Duh.

Anyway, if this is what she wants, I wish her the best. L’chaim!

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Chris Martin loves Jennifer Lawrence because she’s nothing like Gwyneth Paltrow

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One of the stranger rumours/confirmed stories (?) making the rounds over the last week is that Jennifer Lawrence and Chris Martin are a new couple. Neither of their spokespeople have denied the romance yet and magazines are still reporting it, so it could be true – who knows? If it is true, The Sun (via Daily Mail) claims to know exactly why these two are so well suited: Jennifer is the anti-Goop.

‘Jennifer is loads of fun and they can’t stop laughing when they are together,’ a source told The Sun newspaper.

‘Chris feels he is dating someone who has everything he’s been missing out on in the past 11 years.

Friends believe that Jennifer is good for Chris following his split in March from clean-living 41-year-old Gwyneth.

Gwyneth is renowned for her healthy diet and strict fitness routine, while Jennifer smokes and enjoys tucking into pizza.

The source said Chris feels the Hunger Games star has given him a ‘new lease of life.’

‘Jennifer doesn’t take herself too seriously and when she is not filming she just wants to hang out and have a good time,’ the source added.

I mean, obviously the “source” is a summer intern who was told to make up some quotes, but I can see how this one could have a bit of truth to it. Gwyneth Paltrow has a stick so far up her ass, I’m surprised it’s not coming straight out of her mouth on the other end. I imagine it would be a welcome relief to be around someone who’s a bit less worried about whether or not a nitrate sneaked into her organic, greenhouse grown lettuce leaf.

I really hope this is actually happening. I love the idea of Chris and Jennifer as a couple!

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