Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Gwyneth Paltrow

Gwyenth Paltrow: ‘I’m incredibly close to the common woman’

gwyneth paltrow CNN

Gwyenth Paltrow is about as detached from reality as you would expect a bajillionaire who thinks death is preferable to feeding her kids Cup-a-Soup and calls a $450 hand towel a “must have” for spring. In no way does she understand anything about how the 99% live in any way – but you can’t tell her that. No, Gwyneth thinks she’s “incredibly close to the “common woman”. The fact that she can use the phrase “common woman” tells you how untrue that actually is.

Hitting up CNNMoney on Monday, Gwyneth had the following to say about Goop and her approach to giving lifestyle advice:

“What we try to do at Goop is curate and to edit. We know that a woman’s time is her most precious resource and we want to multitask, get a lot done, and what we want to do is provide the best solutions,” she explained.

“I’m incredibly close to the common woman in that I’m a woman and I’m a mother and we all are in a physical body with beating hearts with compassion and love we are all seekers…we all want fulfillment, we all want to live our best lives. We want to be healthy and happy and squeeze the most we can out of life. I think that’s all women.”

I mean, look – she sounds… okay, I guess. I think she believes that she means well, which is both sad and obnoxious, because the amount of utter shite that comes out of her mouth is beyond belief. But then you think, she THINKS she’s being sincere. Doesn’t that kinda count for something? (No, no it doesn’t.)

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Gwyneth Paltrow gave Howard Stern the best interview yet

gwyneth paltrow howard stern

To be honest, I’m actually pretty shocked that Gwyneth Paltrow deigned to go on Howard Stern‘s Sirius XM show. I feel like he’s a bit too crude and, you know, common or whatever for her. However, she did indeed go on his show and gave a rather entertaining interview. By entertaining, of course, I mean obnoxious in a completely unsurprising way because it is Gwyneth Paltrow we’re talking about here.

Embed below, but here are some of the highlights if you can’t listen/don’t really want to:

  • Gwyneth’s best famous friend is Cameron Diaz; Jay-Z and Beyonce are her others
  • She called Beyonce after the infamous elevator fight (read: she’s nosy as shit)
  • She’s still friends with Ben Affleck, but he wasn’t ready to settle down when they dated
  • She likes Jennifer Garner because she’s “super into her kids” (condescending much?)
  • She hasn’t seen Winona Rider in years, but there’s no bad blood between them

I mean, I don’t want to spoil the whole thing for you, so we’ll just leave it there. It’s a doozy. It’s amazing how after all these years, and even after having it repeatedly pointed out to her, Gwyneth still doesn’t realise how far her head is up her own ass. It’s an incredibly display of willful ignorance, or perhaps of just not giving a shit, but lord almighty…

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Gwyneth Paltrow still doesn’t know her place

gwyneth paltrow martha stewart

Gwyneth Paltrow has always thought the sun shines out of her own asshole and clearly still does. She has a lifestyle and a personality that makes every synapse in my brain misfire and I can’t stand her. But even if I did like her, I’d be hard pressed to find a reason to take her side in her ongoing… whatever it is with Martha Stewart. There is no beating Martha Stewart, not when it comes to homemaking/cooking and the like. And most people are smart enough not to try – Blake Lively went there but quickly came to her senses – but Gwyneth, oh… no, Gwyneth thinks she’s a special snowflake and is trying to get one up on Martha’s “Conscious Coupling” spread with her own “Jailbird Cake”, published on the Goop site this week.

gwyneth paltrow jailbird cake

First of all, what is this terrible excuse for a cake and why is it caving in on the sides? I’m surprised Gwyneth let such imperfection go live on her site. Is it supposed to be “quaint” because if you were making this in prison, you wouldn’t be able to get things precise? However, I will say I’m impressed that Gwyn allows you to use a WHOLE TABLESPOON of powdered sugar for this recipe. God, that’ll be her maxed out on carbs for the year!

Oh, and there’s this:

“The folks at goop know how to have some fun, too,” a source close to the goop creator tells PEOPLE. “If Martha served up the appetizer, the Jailbird Cake is just desserts.”

Oh, sit down, Gwyneth. Please. You’re embarrassing yourself.

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Jimmy Kimmel has celebrities read even more mean tweets

spears

I don’t really like Jimmy Kimmel – I don’t “get” what’s so funny about him and find him rather dull, most of the time. One of the few exceptions to this, however, is when he does his ‘Celebrities Reading Mean Tweets’ segment. Now that’s entertainment – though you could argue it’s not really his, since he doesn’t appear in the videos, but whatever.

The point is, we’re here with another installment of celebrities reading all the mean shit you guys say about them online, and they’re great. I particularly enjoy the tweet about Adam Sandler, but that’s just because I totally agree with it. Enjoy!

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Gwyneth Paltrow swears she can’t wait to “age gracefully”

gwyneth paltrow

Ugh, why can’t Gwyneth Paltrow ever do anything that’s not totally annoying? I was hemming and hawing on which GP story to cover today: her Goop “must-have” Christmas list which includes a $4k vase (among other monstrosities) or the fact that, despite admittedly getting Botox (which she later described as “vain”), she swears she’s into “aging gracefully”. LOL to that, but we’re going with the latter.

Here’s what she had to say in a piece she wrote for Stylist magazine:

“I know it’s a cliché, but I really do subscribe to the ‘age gracefully’ thing. You can fight it to a degree, but I accept the beauty of being a grown woman and the wisdom that comes with it. There’s nothing fun about being at that young age where you don’t know yourself and you’re struggling so much to accept yourself. There are cases where younger women really are integrated in themselves, but personally it took me a long time I wouldn’t go back for anything!

I’m not the type to look in the mirror and study my looks. God no! I’d rather die than be studying my face like that! I just brush my teeth and try to get dressed and get everyone up. The morning is definitely not the time when I look in the mirror. I don’t tend to wear much make-up either. If I’m working, I’ll wear a lot, obviously, but in my own life I’m very much a mascara and lip gloss kind of person. I do try – especially in the last five years – to be good about washing my face properly then exfoliating and moisturising before bed. Taking an inside-out approach to beauty has always been my philosophy – that and sleep, good nutrition and a bit of exercise – especially when it comes to skin.”

She goes on and on from there, contemplating her navel about society’s standards set for women, self-acceptance, her love of mascara, etc. Talk about vain. If Goopy does really lay off the Botox and whatever other cosmetic procedures she gets which she still files under the “aging gracefully” canopy, good for her. Or, if she wants to go full on Kris Jenner and go under the knife 80 times a year, that’s cool too – just own it. The worst thing about people in Hollywood, particularly women (since they are indeed held to a higher standard) is when they lie about how they look the way they do. It’s all well and good to say you look after yourself, but let’s be honest: part of that regime in Hollywood means personal chefs, private trainers, thousands of dollars on facials and massages and makeup artists… it’s hardly what the rest of us do, and that’s fine. But don’t pretend otherwise.

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Gwyneth Paltrow knew Jennifer Lawrence and Chris Martin wouldn’t last

jennifer-lawrence-chris-martin-and-gwyneth-paltrow

Jennifer Lawrence and Chris Martin recently called off their short-lived romance for unknown reason, and many people were surprised since things seemed to be going well. The one person who wasn’t surprised, however, was Gwyneth Paltrow, who knew it would never last between them, apparently.

From Radar Online :

News of the Lawrence – Martin split broke on Monday, but according to a source, “Gwyneth wasn’t surprised by it. She never thought the relationship was going to last because of their age difference. Jen is 24 and Chris is 37. Plus, Jen complained to Chris that she felt like the third wheel in their relationship because of all the time he spent with his kids.”

Meanwhile, “Gwyneth always pressured Chris to spend more time with Apple and Moses,” the source revealed. “The kids would constantly call Chris when he was with Jennifer, and whatever they were doing would have to come to a standstill. There was always the expectation from Gwyneth that Chris should spend even more time with the kids.”

Oh, dear. That sounds like hateration of the highest degree, no matter how true it is (like, the fact that they were never going to last).  OF COURSE Goop is going to think that Chris Martin will never find anyone as great as she is and as refined and classy and wonderful. Of course she’s going to think JLaw – who burps and eats and talks about shitting herself in interviews – is going to be looked down upon. Whatever, man.

Then again, maybe she never said any of this at all… but I feel like there’s a root of truth here.

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Martha Stewart mocks Gwyneth Paltrow in new magazine spread

gwyneth paltrow martha stewart

Martha Stewart and Gwyneth Paltrow don’t really get along, it’s safe to say. While Goopy has shrugged off some of Martha’s less than kind comments about her wannabe status, Martha has now taken it one step further by poking fun at Gwyn’s “conscious uncoupling” from Chris Martin by creating a conscious coupling… of Thanksgiving foods.

conscious coupling

If you can’t read the print, here’s what it says:

Every Thanksgiving table should be blessed with the presence of a long-married pair who bring out the best in each other, are completely enamored despite their differences, and leave every other guest thinking, I’ll have what they’re having. Our holiday pies honor such so there’s a pleasant mix of textures and flavors in every bite. No matter how you slice partnerships, each spotlighting the perfect marriage of crust and filling these six irresistible desserts, there is a whole lot to love.

Damn, Martha – shady! I love it.

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