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Gwyneth Paltrow

1Chris Martin loves Jennifer Lawrence because she’s nothing like Gwyneth Paltrow

jennifer lawrence chris martin

One of the stranger rumours/confirmed stories (?) making the rounds over the last week is that Jennifer Lawrence and Chris Martin are a new couple. Neither of their spokespeople have denied the romance yet and magazines are still reporting it, so it could be true – who knows? If it is true, The Sun (via Daily Mail) claims to know exactly why these two are so well suited: Jennifer is the anti-Goop.

‘Jennifer is loads of fun and they can’t stop laughing when they are together,’ a source told The Sun newspaper.

‘Chris feels he is dating someone who has everything he’s been missing out on in the past 11 years.

Friends believe that Jennifer is good for Chris following his split in March from clean-living 41-year-old Gwyneth.

Gwyneth is renowned for her healthy diet and strict fitness routine, while Jennifer smokes and enjoys tucking into pizza.

The source said Chris feels the Hunger Games star has given him a ‘new lease of life.’

‘Jennifer doesn’t take herself too seriously and when she is not filming she just wants to hang out and have a good time,’ the source added.

I mean, obviously the “source” is a summer intern who was told to make up some quotes, but I can see how this one could have a bit of truth to it. Gwyneth Paltrow has a stick so far up her ass, I’m surprised it’s not coming straight out of her mouth on the other end. I imagine it would be a welcome relief to be around someone who’s a bit less worried about whether or not a nitrate sneaked into her organic, greenhouse grown lettuce leaf.

I really hope this is actually happening. I love the idea of Chris and Jennifer as a couple!

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August 20, 2014 at 6:00 am by Jennifer

3Gwyneth Paltrow likes being slapped in the face

gwyneth paltrow 2014

Okay, so that headline was slightly misleading. What Gwyneth Paltrow actually enjoys are “aggressive facials” (i.e. cosmetic procedures without actual scalpels) that feel like you’re having rubber bands snapped against your face repeatedly. Mmm, sounds relaxing!

From Hello! (via E!):

The actress told Hello! magazine that she loves the effective but not-so-pleasant Thermage laser treatment. “It’s non-invasive but it’s quite painful, like having your face smacked with a rubber band that has an electric shock in it. But it works.”

The Thermage treatment is also commonly known as the “face-ironing treatment.” Yikes. Sound painful enough for you? But there’s a reason why stars like Gwyneth keep coming back for more. The treatment boosts collagen levels in the skin’s lower layers, creating a tightening effect to the top layer.

But even if you’re up for the pain, Thermage laser treatments will cost you. A half-face treatment costs around $3,900, while a full-face treatment comes with the hefty price tag of $5,240.

Girl, just go get the full facelift like you’ll end up doing anyway – you could probably get one for the price of two of those “facials” you’re after.

I’m cool with whatever, but I wish Goop would get off her lifestyle high horse and stop acting like she’s above all the other women getting older in Hollywood because she’s so holistic. Bullshit. Those “facials” are cosmetic procedures tantamount to plastic surgery, just done with lasers (which is kinda the wave of the future, anyway). Same effect, same purpose – and totally rich from someone who proclaimed that Botox is “vain”. Sorry to break it to you, Gwyneth, but you and Kris Jenner are more alike than you think.

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August 6, 2014 at 10:00 am by Jennifer
Filed Under: Gwyneth Paltrow

0Chris Martin wishes he could give you a Gwyneth Paltrow scandal, but he can’t

gwyneth paltrow chris martin

Gwyenth Paltrow and Chris Martin announced their “conscious uncoupling” earlier this year, but there have been a million and one rumours about the possibility of them getting back together. They’re constantly hanging out together – more than any separated people usually do, even with kids in the picture – but don’t get ahead of yourself, because they’re not reuniting, they just really care about each other. BORING.

From 104.3′s Valentine in the Morning (via US Weekly):

“The truth is — well, I don’t really love talking about this stuff. But the thing we told everyone at the beginning of the year is true,” the 37-year-old said. “We are very close, we are not together. But, we’re…you know…that’s the truth… and uh, that’s it.”

“You know, there’s a lot of love,” he continued. “So there’s nothing — there’s no scandal I’m afraid. I wish i could give you scandal.”

Chris has always come off as a really decent guy, so I’m not surprised that he’s handled this entire thing in such a quiet and dignified way. It’s also really great for their kids that this whole thing has gone so smoothly. The last thing kids need is messy ass parents – especially famous ones – ruining their lives with unnecessary drama.

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July 26, 2014 at 1:00 pm by Jennifer

1Chris Martin eats meat now that he’s single

Coldplay leave the Hyatt Regency Cologne Hotel

While married to Gwyneth Paltrow – or rather, while consciously coupled with her, I suppose, since they’re not actually divorced – Chris Martin followed a strict vegetarian diet. One would think that a grown man could choose which foods he eats, but Goop runs a tight ship and is not into animal products, apparently.

Well, worry no more – Chris changed his diet for “various reasons” and enjoys a bit of fish and whatnot now that he’s on his own… and he won’t apologize for it!

From BBC Radio 2 (via Radar Online):

“I felt like you should only eat something that you would be able to kill,” the Coldplay singer explained to BBC Radio 2. “I don’t know why on earth we’re talking about this. I have got to stop talking or there’ll be some sort of headline. Could you kill a fish? I wouldn’t like it but I probably could, so I’ll eat a fish . . . or a giraffe.”

“My daughter has been a vegetarian since she was born,” he revealed. “So, I keep getting tempted to go back, but I don’t eat very much meat.”

I’m a bit of a free spirit and think people should eat whatever they want (and not eat whatever they don’t). It’s all good – the world is a big place, food is plentiful in most places and we’re spoiled for choice, especially in the Western world. Live it up! However, I am a staunch omnivore and haaaaate preachy vegetarians/vegans. Like, chill with your soy and tofu and enjoy it, but I’mma have this steak and you can shut up if you don’t like it.

Also, way to make a child vegetarian because that’s YOUR preference. That’s one of the shittiest things you can do as a parent, I think. No wonder her kids always look so malnourished. And no, I’m not saying you can’t be healthy when you’re a vegetarian or vegan, but children need certain nutrients, sorry.

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July 4, 2014 at 9:00 am by Jennifer

2Gwyneth Paltrow goes Madonna, Audrey Hepburn for Max Factor campaign

gwyneth paltrow madonna max factor

Gwyneth Paltrow is a hot ass mess, and something she just cannot do – besides get the stick out of her ass – is “let loose”. I literally cannot imagine the woman not in pressed linen pants or, say, eating a large pepperoni pizza in pyjamas that are stained sort of a weird purple colour because she accidentally put them in the wash with the darker stuff. She’s just not capable of it, and that’s why her new Max Factor campaign is a massive fail.

For the ads, which are part of Max Factor’s 100 years of Glamour anniversary/Modern Icon campaign, Goopy dresses up like four beauty icons: Madonna, Farrah Fawcett, Audrey Hepburn and Brigitte Bardot. She carries off exactly none of them.

gwyneth paltrow brigitte bardot max factor

See what I mean? I know that Max Factor as a brand wants to convey a certain level of glamour and seriousness – especially since they aren’t exactly marketing to the teen crowd – but like… why? Why Gwyneth Paltrow as the face of your brand at all, really? I would lay $100 bet on the fact that she’s never touched an item of their makeup (other than, say, for photoshoots) and would turn her nose up at drugstore beauty purchases. After all, they’re not organic and don’t contain ingredients that were milked from the teats of forest squirrels or whatever she’s into. It’s just not believable.

gwyneth paltrow audrey hepburn max factor

What do you think?

gwyneth paltrow farrah fawcett max factor

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July 2, 2014 at 11:00 am by Jennifer

0Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin are about to consciously re-couple

gwyneth paltrow chris martin

Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin decided to “consciously uncouple” from their nearly decade-long marriage just a few short months ago, and while there were rumours of cheating on both sides, the pair have remained pretty close. So close, in fact, that it seems like they may just give their relationship another shot.

From Radar Online:

“Chris still lives with her, they are amazingly lovey-dovey together and she still wears her wedding ring,” a source tells the paper of the pair, who share a $14 million Malibu mansion.  “They may have consciously uncoupled a few months ago – but they seem to be recoupling now. No one will be surprised if they get back together.”

Friends say the break-up actually allowed the pair to breathe a little, and enjoy each other’s company without expectations.

“It’s true they had problems but in the weirdest way this ‘conscious uncoupling’ situation has relieved the pressure on them,” explains the insider.

Well, that’s that, I suppose. Given the sound of Coldplay‘s new album, Chris was having some major emo drama over their split, so it’s not really all that surprising. That, combined with Gwyneth’s terror over tarnishing her pristine (as she sees it) reputation, means this is a reunion that’s most likely on.

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June 16, 2014 at 9:00 am by Jennifer
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