Today's Evil Beet Gossip

New BFF Alert: Lindsay Lohan and Kristen Stewart!

A photo of Lindsay Lohan and Kristen Stewart

Let’s get through the facts first, all right, then we can discuss. Here’s what happened: there was a surfing contest last Thursday, and Lindsay Lohan and Kristen Stewart were both there. It looks like Kristen’s brother is into surfing, and I guess he was competing, but I have no idea why Lindsay was there. Surfers aren’t really known for being into meth, are they?

But anyway, the two ladies ran into each other again at a house party later that night. And that’s it. That’s where the story ends. Lindsay Lohan and Kristen Stewart were seen at a surfing contest and also a house party, and that’s all we know. So it’s up to us to fill in the blanks.

I imagine that Lindsay was just being Lindsay, wandering around aimlessly with her titties floppin’ every which way. But Kristen, she’s trying desperately to feel better, to feel normal, to feel something. She tried hanging out with her brother, but when that didn’t help, she found herself at some random house party, where she saw Lindsay Lohan. Kristen, being a human being with ears, had heard that Lindsay is all about the meth these days, and she thought maybe, just maybe, that Lindsay could help her numb the pain.

Or, for the more visual readers out there, Lindsay and Kristen were at the same party, and Kristen was like this:

A photo of Kristen Stewart

And Lindsay saw her from across the room, and she roared her terrible roar and gnashed her terrible teeth, which looks like this:

And Kristen saw oodles and oodles of tiny pebbles fall out of Lindsay’s floppin’ lips, and when she moved closer, she saw that they weren’t pebbles at all, but little rocks of meth! So she looked up at Lindsay in wonder, which looks like this:

Lindsay told Kristen she could have some, but only if she promised to let her be a vampire in the next Twilight movie. When Kristen told her that there weren’t going to be anymore Twilight movies, Lindsay did this:

Kristen got scared and told Lindsay that they’d do another movie, just for her, and she perked up. She tucked her lips back in, ran to the bathroom, and came out looking like this:

Kristen didn’t know whether to laugh or cry, so she just decided to nibble on the meth pebbles that had fallen from Lindsay’s maw. And that’s what happened last Thursday night. Isn’t gossip fun?!

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