Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Report: Beyonce’s Probably Carrying Around a Fake Baby

photo of beyonce pictures baby photos pics
From MediaTakeout: was first tipped off by DOZENS of readers who claimed that Bey’s new 2 month old baby looked STRANGE in recent pics . . . and they suspected that Bey might be carrying around a DOLL – instead of a 2 month old baby.

Well did an investigation – and our findings were STARTLING!!! We looked at photos of Blue taken about a WEEK AND A HALF in New York – and compared them with images taken two days ago. In the photos, Baby Blue grew in height about 11%. To put that in perspective, if Blue was the AVERAGE HEIGHT two weeks ago (according to the WTO growth charts) she would have been 22 inches tall. In less than 2 WEEKS, Blue would have grown at LEAST 2.5 inches – making her the size of the average FOUR MONTH OLD. A growth rate like that is almost UNHEARD OF!!!

Do I believe this? Ha! Absolutely. Beyonce undoubtedly had a fake pregnancy, so what goes better with a fake pregnancy than a fake baby? Nothing. The answer is ‘nothing’, because it’d be completely preposterous to think that Beyonce actually birthed a doll, now, wouldn’t it? Yes, it would. And speaking of dolls, let’s revisit the too-early-released photo of Beyonce’s daughter, Blue Ivy Carter, shall we?:

photo of blue ivy carter pictures photos
See? That child could totally be a doll.

Now, the second part of this whole thing would be to consider why Beyonce would be carrying around a fake kid. Here are a few ideas: 1) Beyonce’s afraid the kid’s going to get mobbed, and she’s carrying around a fake while the real BI is chilling at home, 2) Beyonce is actually the decoy, and the kid that the fake-Beyonce is carrying is the real Blue Ivy Carter, or 3) Beyonce’s lost her damned mind and is operating under delusions of grandeur. Jay-Z, of course, is too gentlemanly to actually out her on her insanity, so he plays into the whole thing by writing rap songs for a child that doesn’t exist while he pretends that he doesn’t think women are bitches and hos (that last part’s almost pretty convincing).

Honestly, I like any one of those options, really.

Image of Beyonce from recent doctor’s visit courtesy of Bossip

17 CommentsLeave a comment

  • I absolutely love all these options. Unfortunately, one of my kids grew insanely fast as a newborn, so I believe it’s possible Bey’s kid is growing that fast. As for it actually coming out of Bey’s hoo-ha, no way, don’t believe it for a minute.

  • You people need to get you life, and leave that dam girl alone. What is wrong with you people,you don’t have anything else to do but worry about whats going on in Beyonce’s world. Beyonce gave birth and is carrying around her child honey black people don’t docrazy shit like that, I don’t know how ya’ll get down!!!!!

    • U need to go back to school first, and secondly, u need to get ur head out of the sand, coz showbiz world isnt what u think it is, retard! Beyonce has never been pregnant and, unfortunately, for ur washed brain, she’s holding a doll. Keep fooling urself!

  • She is weird! Ok, I am not particularly fond of her music but still: most of the stuff she pulls off appears to be a publicity stunt. In the picture above the baby has weird legs. They look so immobile sticking in the air. I can relate to the fact that she is probably scared that the baby might get stolen but why carry around a fake one??? To pretend that she is a wonderful mother?

  • This is all so entertaining.

    I love how almost every woman out there has the same gut feeling that Beyonce has never been pregnant. It’s a great social experiment on the subject of collective intuition. And absolutely, both the baby in the early and most recent photos looks, well, odd. Completely agree with the above commentary, and once again there’s something very fishy about it.

  • The reason she’s carrying a doll, because she does not want to show baby face, because Blue is Hispanic, and she does not mind smothering the doll. You won’t see face of the baby for a long time, she does not want to remind people that it’s a Hispanic baby.

  • Also beside carrying around this doll, there is no stroller or diaper bag, and the doll does not even have a hat on..

  • “black people don’t docrazy shit like that, I don’t know how ya’ll get down!!!!!”

    Um … really? … Michael Jackson was incredibly whacky and held his kid named ‘blanket’ over a balcony … You SURE about that?

    ALL people regardless of their background, race, ethnicity, culture, upbringing, preference for tea or coffee, height, weight whatever – have equal opportunity for insanity.

    Anything is possible.

  • Maybe she and brainless hubby should just crawl back under the rock from which they came and hide out until everyone forgets them..

  • i think its fake because it you look at the other thing where it says on this other website blue ivy and beyonce rock plaids the babys legs are locked in the same postion the entire time i defintely think its a doll and this whole thing it pure shit its all fake

  • First and foremost clearly some of the people commenting on the issue need to return back to school and get an education. Secondly, for those who are defending Mrs. Perfect Beyonce, explain to me why her belly completely collapsed on national television and don’t say it was the fabric. Don’t worry I’ll wait…

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