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10This is Also What a Woman Who Had a Baby Last Month Looks Like

photo of beyonce and jay z at a basketball game pictures photos pics after pregnancy photos
I know, I know; we need to stop riding the Beyonce Baby Train someday, but guys, today is just not the day, OK?

I happened across some photos that were taken just last night, at the New Jersey Nets basketball game, where Jay and B were photographed in attendance looking … well, looking like they don’t have a newborn at home and like Beyonce never even heard of a little something called “Braxton-Hicks.” (Ask her – trick question. Bet she gets it wrong.)

I mean, I’m glad you’re still rocking the blue nail polish and what not, girl, but I’m sorry. No amount of nail polish is going to convince me that you didn’t just formally adopt your sister’s surrogate or whatever it was you did.

But wait! – before we go full-snark here (I know; I laughed mirthlessly at that, too), the Daily Mail has An Explanation as to Why Beyonce’s So Fit Already:

She [Beyonce] was said to have gained 40lbs when pregnant with her daughter Blue Ivy, but appears to have shed any excess weight in record time.

Beyonce reportedly moved her personal trainer, Marco Borges, into her home following the birth and has been rising at 5am for a cardio session while doing high intensity training on the treadmill later in the day followed by a total body circuit including lunges and squats.

So, DUH. Beyonce’s post-baby weight loss is totally and completely legit, and it has absolutely nothing at all to do with stopping anabolic steroids before the facial hair really started to get thick. I mean, come on. How could you even think otherwise?

February 21, 2012 at 5:30 am by Sarah
Filed Under: Beyonce

10 Responses to “This is Also What a Woman Who Had a Baby Last Month Looks Like”

  1. Harriet Meadow says:

    It’s amazing that a new mom has the energy to get up at 5 am to work with a trainer every day. Oh wait, she has six nannies…

  2. LegalEase says:

    Just more proof that this ho had a surrogate!!

  3. Haha. Beyonce is hilarious. I am 31 weeks at the moment and every time I saw a photo of her “bump” I was struck by how non-pregnant she actually looks. She just didn’t radiate that little something that other pregnant women detect instantly. Also, they should have chosen a nicer baby, this one is ugly as hell. Maybe they think it’s more believable that the baby had taken after her dad:)

    Besides, come on – the blurred photo in the hospital to conceal not how bad, but how good Beyonce looks post delivery; the completely weird disappearing and then reappearing bump throughout the last months, and of course, the great shape Beyonce is in just weeks post partum… I am not a fan of conspiracy theories but I am not buying this. It just reeks of insincerity in some vague sinister way.

  4. Kris says:

    Can women exercise that vigoriously so soon after giving birth??

  5. Chuck says:

    Can Beyonce wear sunglasses that are any bigger? If so, they’d cover her entire face.

  6. On a second thought: it’s possible, sure. Also, the stupidest things imaginable. Putting so much effort into looking good at that moment in life is such a waste; she should be enjoying taking care of (her) the baby instead. Being a mess of a new mom, not sleeping, being a little out of whack, and slowly losing weight, is part of the whole motherhood experience.

    But Beyonce is so damn stupid, she doesn’t even know it.

  7. Grace says:

    not buying it in the slightest, even if she had a section with a wee tummy tuck she certainly shouldnt be doing such vigorous exercise. her abdominals will still be very traumatised and she risks causing further irreversable damage (irreversable for us mortals i guess). she didnt grow that baby herself! however having seen her lovely wee face i can buy shes biologically theirs (b’s egg, j’s love tadpoles and a willing and quiet lady to grow her in.) still, to the bitch who called blue ugly, how fucking mean! with any luck your baby will have three eyes.

    • Bahaha.

      I might or I might not be a bitch (What an original argumentative approach – insult someone to make a point! Well done.) but you apparently have no aesthetic sense whatsoever. By no stretch of the imagination Blue could be called a pretty baby, not even cute. Ladies, not all babies are good looking, just like adults aren’t. What’s the big deal – I didn’t say the baby is evil. She would most probably grow up to be an okay person, go into show business, and improve her looks with the means provided by fame and money.

      As for my baby, he’s doing fine, thank you very much. I have been assured by a few ultrasounds that he has the right number of eyes, limbs, etc., and if that will make you feel better, I am not going to claim that he’ll be the prettiest or cutest baby in the world when he’s born either. I will be content with healthy, aware, and not so smushy.

      :D

  8. Jade says:

    It seems a little strange to me that they keep going out without their baby so soon after her birth. I thought most new parents wouldn’t want to be apart from their new baby that much. But, I don’t have kids so I don’t really know.

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