Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Love It or Leave It: Michael Cera’s Creepy in the Don’t-Take-Candy-From-This-Guy Pedophile Kind of Way

photo of michael cera pictures photos pics mustache pic
No, I guess it isn’t very nice to tell someone that they look like a pedophile, because first, anyone can look like a pedophile and we wouldn’t even know it because there are probably some attractive and not-at-all creepy-looking pedophiles running around out there. Second, it’s in bad taste to assume that anyone sporting an unflattering mustache could look like a stereotypical pedophile. I mean, it’s not like I’m using this photo as an example to go by in comparison or anything:

photo of jeffrey jones pictures pedophile photos jail pic
That guy right up there is Jeffrey Jones, who you might recognize as the principal from Ferris Bueller’s Day Off or as the dad from Beetlejuice. He’s kind of a pedophile (if anyone can “kind of” be a pedophile), in that he made an underage Asian boy pose for sexually explicit photos. I suppose that’s a pedophile, yes?

So would it be wrong to say that poor little Michael Cera here looks like a pedo? Well, no, not necessarily. He does, indeed, resemble Jeffrey Jones, what with his creepy ‘stache and all, and Jeffrey Jones is a pedophile of sorts, so I guess it’s not an entirely horrible correlation to make, just based on looks. Aside from the fact, that, you know, the adorable little Michael Cera is NOT a pedophile. That part’s just bang out of line.

Boyfriend there just needs to shave the hell out of that mustache and lose the creepy fisherman’s hat. I Know What You Did Last Summer, anyone? I mean, even my four-year-old was freaked out. She said, “Mama, is that a boy or a girl?” and I said, “It’s a boy, honey,” and left it at that. I continued working and editing the photo, and after a few minutes of silence, she poked my shoulder and leaned in close to my ear: “That’s a pretty scary boy.”

Ah, from the mouths of children.