Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Why Am I So Freaked Out Over Dane Cook and His Mannequin-Armed Girlfriend?

photo of dane cook and girlfriend in hawaii pictures photos

Something about this photo rubs me the wrong way, and I can’t tell what it is. I don’t know if it’s the weird mid-ab wrinkle that Dane‘s got going on there, like he’s stashing last night pistachio shells or something within the folds, or if it’s how low his board shorts are hanging (I’m curious to see what’s below, but I’m also ashamed of myself because I can’t stop thinking about pistachio shells and the smell of stale beer), or maybe it’s Dane’s weird-armed girlfriend who looks like she just got a manicure whilst sunning herself on the sand. That, or she’s about to launch into a full-blown “What the fook am I doing here with Dane Cook?” realization tantrum (that’s probably a better guess – did you ever try to paint your nails on the beach? Stupid idea).

Either way, this photo’s pretty nuts, hm?

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