Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Do You Want to Hear The Hilariously Tragic Last Straw in The Timberlake/Biel Relationship?

A photo of Jessica Biel and Justin Timberlake

Let me save you some thinking time and tell you that yes, you most definitely do.  I mean, maybe it’s just from lack of sleep (the only way I can go to sleep anymore is if I imagine Charlie Sheen reading Harry Potter to me by candlelight [in my head, he does a really good Umbridge]), but I laughed so hard at this little version of that sad couple’s break-up:

Rumours were beginning to circulate that things were not great between the couple when the singer turned up to last month’s Academy Awards with his mother, not Jessica. Further cracks had started to show in the relationship earlier that month when Jessica threw the party for Justin at his home at the beginning of the year.

A source told MailOnline: ‘Jessica was overcome with emotion when she stood up to toast her boyfriend on reaching the milestone. She quickly welled-up as she reminisced about the first time she met Justin and joked about how she virtually stalked him into going on a date with her.’

The pair had exchanged numbers on a night out in 2007, but when Justin failed to call Jessica a few days later, she took matters into her own hands and began driving towards his house. She said that before she knew it, she was outside his house and he still hadn’t called her.  She joked about how she felt like a stalker, but that thankfully he did eventually call and the rest was history.

During the birthday speech, the actress gushed about how utterly head over heels in love she was with the singer-turned-actor and went on at length about how much he meant to her. But after Jessica had finished her speech, Justin appeared to dismiss her emotional speech by standing up and yelling: ‘Yeah, bitches!’

Ugh, Jessica Biel is so sad.  I can’t see how this break-up could have been any kind of mutual – Jessica’s been clinging for so long, there’s no way she’d let go after four years of hard, creepy work.  No, my guess is that this birthday party scenario did happen, and Justin’s declaration of “Yeah, bitches!” carried the subtext of “hooray, I just turned 30 and I am about to be officially single because I can’t take this girl’s mental instabilities and self esteem issues into my 30’s.”  That’s what I’m choosing to believe.

9 CommentsLeave a comment

  • I don’t think that being head over heals for someone means your emotional or mentally unstable. She was excited. Got a little carried away 4 years ago but obviously not enough because she felt comfortable telling the story. Why does liking someone = clingy? I don’t get that shit. That’s guy-speak for, “My penis wants to go for a walk and I’m going to blame it on you because it’s easy and so socially acceptable that even women will blog about it.”

  • Argreed.

    I don’t think driving to his house (presumably to ask him on a date in person?) is getting carried away. I’m assuming they exchanged numbers on the presumption they would be going out. I for one applaud her confidence and straightforwardness.

    Also, I hardly think it’s sad that she gave a touching speech about the love of her partner of four years at his 30th birthday party.

    Perhaps I am not well-versed on their relationship, but when did she exhibit her so-called “mental instabilities” and “self esteem issues”? Actually I don’t particularly care to learn about them; their relationship is their business. I’d imagine the writers of this blog would merely spew some anti-woman, misogynist crap anyways. Why all the woman-hating on this site?

    What I do find sad is how we celebrate the difficult times of others. Regardless if this relationship was on the rocks for a while, there is a lot of pain associated with any break up. It is unfortunate that anyone would take any satisfaction from anothers’ misery.

    • Especially when the sister site: Zelda Lily is all pseudo-feminist and shit? I say pseudo- because I don’t particularly like 21st Century so-called Feminists. Sure, some of you out there totally rock, but the one’s I’ve met and read about are all about gettin’ theirs’. By that I mean they’ve already conquered men so their new problem is other women. All self-proclaimed feminists that I’ve ever met have been meaner to other women than non-self-proclaimed feminists I’ve met (who still could be, but just aren’t all bumper-stickery).

      What happened to equality for ALL?

  • First of all, everybody come back to planet Earth now, ok? Have we all returned to subject or are we still flailing away in Soapboxland? I don’t see anything unusual about relationships breaking up. Most people are serial monogamists anyway. You don’t have to marry every person you DATE even if you’ve been DATING for x amount of years!….I think I made my point…good-night.

  • Her behavior is not normal you don’t drive to a guy house to stalk
    him when the only thing you just did was exchange numbers that is just weird.
    There were always rumors that she called the papzs when Justin was in town with her and her publicist planted articles on People magazine.

  • There’s nothing wrong with breaking up. There is something wrong with placing a bevy of labels on a girl. We’ll call them: Girl-labels, because it’s very rare these days that a break-up is due to a man’s “clingy, emotional problems.” That’s what this discussion is about blasted1.

    I don’t give two shits who’s together or who breaks up, but I do care when everything is constantly blamed on the girl or when a girl is called emotionally unstable by non-psychiatrists.

    Dudes, driving by a guy’s house after exchanging numbers is totally normal. Or driving by his hang-out. When you’re a smitten kitten, you just do that stuff. You get excited. It’s not like she hopped his fence. She drove by and went home.

    And mimi, it’s always a good idea to ground yourself in rumors. Thumbs up.