Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Charlie Sheen Is High on Life, And Don’t You Forget It

A photo of Charlie Sheen

Charlie Sheen is golden these days.  We all know that.  And now that he doesn’t have a job, the sky’s going to be the limit to this man’s ability to shenan (that’s the verb form of “shenanigans” for those of you not in the know).  For instance, do you know where Charlie Sheen is right now?  He’s on vacation with his ex-wife (Brooke Mueller, the crackhead he pulled a knife on just in time for Christmas), porn star Bree Olson, and model Natalie Kenly, and no doubt having filthy, crack-tastic orgies. Or is he?

Shame on me for passing judgement so quickly, because of course Charlie Sheen has already beaten his addiction. To quash any remaining doubts, he called up a Fox News radio show yesterday and said some words about how great his life is right now:

On his next project: “It’s called life and fatherhood and fun. I get to step back into the light.”

On being “100% sober”: “If you want to meet me for one of my workouts at 5 a.m., you’re going to find out that smoking cocaine just does not fit in with that snapshot. There’s no time for that right now. If you can find a drug that’s gonna get me higher than I am – I hate to say, on life – just living in the moment, finally enjoying this life, then present that drug. I don’t think it exists. I really don’t.”

To the Two and a Half Men crew: “Be patient, get focused, we are at war … defeat is not an option.”

Ok, Charlie, maybe I’d be more likely to believe how magical and sober you are if I hadn’t written about your 36-hour binger, complete with hookers, a briefcase full of cocaine, and a trip to the hospital, less than a month ago.  But whatever, man, you keep that positive attitude, and I hope it does wonders for you.  Keep the dream alive, Charlie.

1 CommentLeave a comment

  • And so it was….Charlie descended from the mountain and said unto his flock and crew…”My flock and crew, go forth and seek alternate employment for I shall remain and keep these poor lost souls , whom others so cruelly refer to as ‘hos’,entertained , whilst my mind , of course , will take care of this whole tasteless mess. “