So here’s Katy Perry for the March ’11 issue of Elle magazine, looking like she walked off the set of another Austin Powers movie. AS AN EXTRA. All in all, girlfriend looks good in the shoot, has some sensible-ish things to say and still tries to maintain the position that she’s the coquettish sex symbol of the world, so move the fuck over, Marilyn Monroe.
Honestly, I’m growing rather bored of Katy, you guys, and I hope you are too. Because frankly? Unless she’s divorcing Russell Brand, joining a convent, or boning Christina Aguilera, I have no more room to pretend to be interested.
Here’s the finer points from her interview, like how she was a financial loser at one point and considered letting a man take care of her while she knitted shawls:
“I had two cars repossessed, and I was writing bad checks, but I gave myself a timeline. I thought, Okay, if I don’t make it by 25, I’m just going to get married and pop out some babies and do some crafts.”
On her ever-changing body during adolescence and how it worked out for the best:
“I was shaped like a square at one time. I was! I’m generally around 130 pounds, which is totally fine for me. But when I was a kid, I was the same height and weighed more like 145. And I had enormous boobs that I didn’t know what to do with, so I wore minimizers, which were not cute. Those thick-ass straps! I got made fun of for the over-the-shoulder boulder holder … and all I wanted was to look like Kate Moss. Little did I know…that these things would come in handy someday.”
On her transcending easy-going-ness:
“It’s important to be relatable and normal. And I think that what helps with that, for me, is that I had the rug pulled out from underneath my feet so many times. It was like, ‘Listen up, bitch, you’re not going to get served this on a silver platter—you’ve got to work for it!’ I don’t feel like I can act like an entitled bitch yet! I still have so much to prove.”
So, OK. Katy Perry. “Blah blah I was the obligatory normal high school girl that had financial woes because I didn’t have a man to take care of me but I turned out OK AND I HAVE BIG OLD TITS WHICH I USE AS MIND CONTROL TO GET WHAT I WANT.”
Happy now? Is this the Katy Perry that everyone’s so fascinated by?