NSFW In The Sense That You’ll Probably Start Masturbating As Soon As You Read This

Sweet Birthday Card via VideoGum

OMG, you guys! I can’t believe I almost forgot! Today’s the day that all of us horndog 20-and-30 something women and gay men have been waiting for… Taylor Lautner’s 18th Birthday! You know, that means that it’s legal for us to have sex with him in any state in the US AND he has complete control over his own finances. And he can buy cigarettes and porn! For you those of you who are still flustered by the image above, let me make it more clear: Now, no matter where you are in the United States, if Taylor Lautner is also there and sexually interested in you and wants to buy cigarettes and watch porn with you while paying for the whole thing on his credit card, it’s all fine and legal.

Writing that made me feel really sleazy and uncomfortable, BTW.

30 Comments

  1. the troof says:

    HAHAHAH

  2. Rachel says:

    Pretty much the best b-day card ever.

  3. Alzaetia says:

    *laugh!* Does this mean it’s ok for me to masturbate while watching New Moon?

  4. Grace Jones says:

    Hahaha! I love it! And Imma need to holla at Taylor.

  5. kt says:

    FINALLY!

  6. momster says:

    Never mind that child with the piggy nose, Taylor. Benicio…Woof…sexy, sexy man.

    • Lisa says:

      He does have a piggy nose! He does nothing for me.

    • Grace Jones says:

      I too, love Benicio. That man just does it for me…

      • Lisa says:

        I love Benicio as well. I would do him if I was able to gag him prior. I can’t understand a word he says and all that mumbling would distract me from the sex.

      • momster says:

        c’mon – you could pretend he was mumbling in his native language and that would make it even sexier!

      • Anonymous says:

        He created the mumbling while preparing for his character in “The Usual Suspects”. He’s perfectly capable of speaking normally. This does not mean, of course, that you’d have a chance of fucking him the in the first place.

      • Lisa says:

        Hah! If you were trying to insult me, I’m laughing right along with you. I know I’ll never meet or screw any of my Hollywood crushes. Duh.

        Peace out, bitch or asshole, or actually you may be both :-)

  7. Cat-Face says:

    Awww, I quickly read the title and glanced at the picture, and thought naked pictures of Taylor had been released :’-( Haha, love the card though.

  8. Whit says:

    That is the greatest card EVER!!! Hahaha!

  9. Anonymous says:

    Not in New Jersey you have to be 19 to purchase ciggs here….

  10. laura says:

    Benicio del nom nom nom…….. *sigh

  11. slouchy says:

    Sorry, but Taylor Lautner looks like a “special needs” kid to me.

  12. Kiara says:

    Taylor is hottttttttt he has a sexi body $$$$$$$$$$$$$$€x!

  13. Anonymous says:

    Happi b-day sexi wolf lol I always thought u were kutte I luv u Tay txt me boo

    • parasolee . says:

      his head is too big .

      && that makes him look like he’s 15 or something .

      REVOLTING .

  14. YOU ARE THE FINEST BOY I EVER SEEN

  15. HIS BODY IS SSSSSSSEEEEEEEEEEEEXXXXXXXXXXXYYYYYYYYYYY TIYLER LETS HAVE SEX

  16. OMG!!! I CANT BELIEVE IT’S TAYLOR LAUTNERS BIRTHDAY