Today's Evil Beet Gossip

NSFW In The Sense That You’ll Probably Start Masturbating As Soon As You Read This

Sweet Birthday Card via VideoGum

OMG, you guys! I can’t believe I almost forgot! Today’s the day that all of us horndog 20-and-30 something women and gay men have been waiting for… Taylor Lautner’s 18th Birthday! You know, that means that it’s legal for us to have sex with him in any state in the US AND he has complete control over his own finances. And he can buy cigarettes and porn! For you those of you who are still flustered by the image above, let me make it more clear: Now, no matter where you are in the United States, if Taylor Lautner is also there and sexually interested in you and wants to buy cigarettes and watch porn with you while paying for the whole thing on his credit card, it’s all fine and legal.

Writing that made me feel really sleazy and uncomfortable, BTW.

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