Today's Evil Beet Gossip

BREAKING: John Mayer Has a Huge Penis

Oh, I love stories like this.

The NY Daily News has a bit about how Jennifer Aniston’s friends think it’s way out of character how hard she’s falling for John.

But there’s an explanation!

He has a huge cock!

“She’s just so happy and giggly. It is completely out of character,” said one spy.

The reason can’t just be that she is dating John Mayer. No one is that happy with Jessica Simpson’s sloppy seconds. What we hear is there is a certain feature of John that leaves Jen so pleased. The crooner’s ex-paramours reveal he is hell to get over, not because he’s a great guy, but because he’s a “great” guy, if you know what we mean.

“His body actually is a wonderland,” one ex was overheard saying.

The moral of the story: Women are totally willing to put up with a cheating womanizer, as long as he’s packing where it counts.

Sheesh.

118 CommentsLeave a comment

  • I cannot believe that you idiots are buying into this idiotic BULLSHIIIT RUMOR that has been started by non other than John Mayer himself!

    He’s the assjack that started the rumors of having a big one to get more women to like him, and it has worked like a charm, because women are all over him like horse flies on hot smelly shit!

    I know someone who used to be with him, and she says that he used to be a good guy, but after the Hollywood dating scene, he’s turned into a real bloody tampon for every once of attention. Why she saved pics of him? I have no idea, but she did, and I could not believe that she actually showed me the pics….but I’m sorry people, but John Mayer is hung like a fury rabbit!

    John makes men from India look large, trust me! HE’S ALL POTATOES & NO MEAT!

    I must say though, the comments on here are hilariously entertaining. You people make me laugh, but you’re still SICK!

  • If you’ve been blessed to see Mayer meat up close and personal, then you know it’s true. Those men are hung! They have been blessed by the Gods. I say this because I know, have see it with my own eyes, have first hand knowledge. I’m not trying to kiss anyones ass, and I have nothing to gain by saying it. So if the world wants to believe that JM made up that rumor (all by his little ‘ol self), then they’re all a bunch of idiotic losers. Not only are they handsome, smart, and witty, they’re packing huge cocks in their pants. I wouldn’t, and couldn’t agree with the previous comment of “ALL POTATOES, AND NO MEAT!” Apparently, someone is jealous.

  • I once put an ad in CL in Hollywood and got a response from a guy names John. He lived in a building which felt like a hostile off Cherokee by the 99 cent only store. It was a nice and clean place. Someone was cooking. We went upstairs to a room. He was tall. His chest seemed shaven. Not big muscles but had some definition in his chest. He pulled out his penis. It was thick and soft. Once hard, I couldn’t believe how thick it was. It was like the thick end of a baseball bat. Not curvy at all, just thick and long. He shot a load about 3 feet. Amazing. This happened like 5 years ago. Looked just like him if it wasn’t him.

  • I haven’t been with him.. it’s not true. I just imply I’ve been with him because that’s my fantasy, along with many other lonely cat owners. But I’ll be honest, I’m only supporting this rumour because I’m a desperate slapper who can’t get with men of this calibre so I settle for gorilla-like rapists up in the club. That is, if they’re drunk enough. I only wish John Mayer’s penis was as big as a neanderthalic moron that uses his fists to think because I’m a slut and I’d be very disappointed if things were any other way.

  • Why dont you show a picture of J.M penis, then the case will be closed in a few seconds.
    But then we dont have anything to talk about dont we Watson…

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