I went to private school most of my life, but I did spend one semester at an Arizona public school. Now, I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with public schools in general, but there was definitely something wrong with this public school. In that it was a festering pit of gang activity and wasted lives. This kid once brought this radio he’d just stolen from a car — wires hanging out and everything — to my journalism class, and put it under his desk during class like it was no big deal. There was a racially motivated fight in the lunchroom almost every single day, and word was that the single largest faction of the Aryan Brotherhood in the state of Arizona was operating out of my high school. And then I had this one friend that I thought was pretty cool until she had to go to juvie for a couple years for her second charge of grand theft auto, so I didn’t get to hang out with her anymore. So I transfered back into private school.
So anyway, in gym class once, I forgot to lock up my locker, and, while I was playing softball with three other girls while the rest of the “class” was smoking weed, someone stole my shoes from my locker. And I had a pretty good idea of who it was. So I go to the main office and I’m like “Hey, I think such-and-such stole my shoes from my locker during gym class.” And they send someone to go get that girl so they could chat with her about it, and they bring her into the office, and the crazy bitch is wearing the fucking shoes! And she sees me sitting there and she’s like “Oh shit.” And it’s not that crime didn’t ever occur at my private school, but, for fuck’s sake, at least people were a little smarter about it.
Lindsay Lohan is even dumber than that.
Lindsay stole a mink coat from a private event in New York this summer. The owner of the coat figured out who stole it when she noticed her coat on Lindsay Lohan in the pages of OK! magazine. She eventually got it back, but at that point it was “reeking of cigarettes and booze with a slight tear in the lining.” She’s seeking a $10,000 “rental fee” from Lindsay for the three weeks it was missing. Cute.