2LOL of the Day: Paris Hilton Cried Watching ‘The Bling Ring’

Listen, burglary isn’t funny by any stretch of the imagination and no one deserves to have their privacy violated, celebrity or otherwise. That being said, I can’t lie: it definitely made me laugh when I read that Paris Hilton cried watching Bling Ring, Sofia Coppola’s movie about the real-life celebrity burglaries of ’08-’09. She was even in the movie and allowed scenes to be filmed in her house, but she still found it pretty upsetting.

From Vulture:

“I was really emotional watching it,” Hilton confessed to me last night at the movie’s hot-ticket Nikki Beach after-party. “During some parts of it, I literally had tears in my eyes and I wanted to cry. I knew what happened with the burglaries, but I had never actually seen it — so watching it happen, I was like, ‘Oh my God, this really happened to me. These kids were really in my house and did this to me.’ It’s so violating. It just made me really angry and upset, and when I see these kids, I want to, like, slap them.”

Oh man, that’s kinda tough and I guess I feel for her a bit. But wait, there’s an up side. She got to show off her mansion!!!!

“I designed everything in the house, so it was really cool to see it on film,” she said. It shows: Hilton’s house is a tribute to Hilton herself, and as the celebrity-obsessed Bling Ringers raid her walk-in shoe closet and party in her “nightclub room,” Hilton’s limpid face stares back at them, emblazoned on all the pillows, artwork, and walls. “That house is like my dream house,” she told me. “I worked so hard on every detail.”

Aaaaaand my levels of sympathy have gone down again.

May 18, 2013 at 4:30 pm by Jennifer

6Justin Bieber’s a Monkey Killer

Justin Bieber is a little shit who thinks it’s cool to spit in people’s faces, walk around shirtless and oh, try to smuggle his pet monkey into a foreign country and then leave it there when he’s caught by customs. That last bit happened earlier this year and Germany authorities gave Bieber until midnight last night (Friday) to get the correct paperwork over to them or else Mally the monkey was going to be put down. I’ll give you one guess as to whether or not he actually did that. If you chose “nope”, ding ding ding! We have a winner. Of course, it won’t be completely confirmed whether or not it happened until Tuesday, but the poor animal’s been there since the end of March. He’s not suddenly going to take interest at the eleventh hour. Asshole.

From Sky News:

The singer’s 17-week-old capuchin, called Mally, was seized by customs staff at Munich’s Franz Josef Strauss Airport after he failed to produce the correct papers for the animal. The Canadian star was detained “for some time” while customs officials took Mally into quarantine at the airport. Mally was sent to a Munich Animal Protection League (MAPL) animal shelter, where he has remained unclaimed since March 28.

Customs officials said that if Bieber did not produce the papers by midnight on May 17 then Mally would become the property of Germany. The deadline fell after offices closed for a three-day holiday weekend in Germany, and it won’t be clear before Tuesday whether the documents arrived.

Officials will also be billing the pop star for the monkey’s care, vet visits and food – an invoice that will run to several thousand pounds.

MAPL said that they had received two emails claiming to be from Bieber’s management company. In the messages, they were asked how long they had to produce the paperwork before the monkey would be put down, and secondly whether it could be given to a zoo. Custom officials say they have yet to receive any formal request for that from Bieber or any of his representatives.

Speaking last month, customs spokesman Thomas Meister, said: “If by May 17 there is nothing, then he loses ownership of the animal and it becomes the property of the Federal Republic of Germany.

“If Bieber really does want to place the animal in a zoo, he is welcome to contact customs authorities and forfeit Mally at any time, but will likely have to pay costs associated with keeping the monkey so far and a fine.”

Bieber flew his pet, understood to have been a 19th birthday president from music producer Jamal Rashid on March 1, to Munich on the Cessna Citation X he rents for £13,000-a-time.

I would like to think that the monkey will go to a zoo and live a happy life jumping between trees, eating bananas and having posable thumbs, but for some reason, I don’t think that’s going to happen. :(

May 18, 2013 at 2:30 pm by Jennifer

1George Michael Got In A Car Accident, But He’s Okay Now

George Michael recently completed another stint in rehab, but he’s made news again after he got into a “mystery” car crash on a motorway on Thursday and was taken to a local hospital. I should clarify that he was airlifted to hospital, where he was treated for “superficial cuts and bruises”. Great use of NHS resources, guys! Thumbs up all around. To be fair, they were worried he might have more serious unseen injuries, but luckily, he’s alright.

From Metro:

There had been fears that the singer, 49, suffered more serious injuries after being airlifted from the scene at junction 6A, near St Albans, Hertfordshire.

However, reports suggest the former Wham! star has now been released from hospital – and his long-term boyfriend Fadi Fawaz reiterated that George is ‘perfectly fine’.

‘Of course I was worried, but I spoke to him and he is good,’ said the 39-year-old.

‘He suffered a few bruises but there is nothing to worry about.’

The cause of the crash, that involved only the Range Rover in which the pop star was a passenger, remains a mystery pending a full investigation by the police.

And Fawaz added: ‘I have no idea what happened.’

A spokesman for the police force said: ‘The exact circumstances of what happened are unclear at this time and until further investigations have been carried out, it would be inappropriate for us to comment.’

Earlier, an East of England Ambulance spokesman said: ‘A man was immobilised on a spinal board as a precautionary measure, then flown to a trauma centre for further tests after receiving a head injury.

‘The injuries are non-life threatening.’

A spokeswoman for the Freedom singer had said: ‘George Michael was a passenger in a vehicle involved in a traffic accident, no third party was involved.

‘He is being treated for superficial cuts and bruises but is fine. We have no further comment at this time.’

I’m not sure why know one knows what happened since George Michael is alive and well to tell the tale of exactly went down. Did the police not think to take a statement on this at all? It seems a bit shady. I know he wasn’t the one driving or anything, but here’s hoping George isn’t going to need another trip to rehab.

May 18, 2013 at 12:30 pm by Jennifer

2So, Beyoncé Is Probably Really Pregnant

It’s still all based on “multiple sources” at this point, but Beyoncé is really pregnant, I guess. I still don’t really believe it and I won’t until she announces it with one of those notes she writes in black Sharpie and posts on her Instagram. Maybe I’m in denial, but y’all know I got tickets for August and I’m trying to enjoy the Mrs. Carter tour. A 6-month pregnant belly is not going to be dutty wine-ing to ‘Freakum Dress’, so I’m holding out hope that this isn’t true because I’m selfish.

From E! Online:

That’s right: Superstar supermom Beyoncé is expecting her second child with hubby Jay-Z, multiple sources exclusively confirm to E! News.

The news follows rampant speculation that the “Countdown” songbird was pregnant, even as the couple remained tight-lipped about their ever-growing family.

Rumors first began churning that the Grammy winner was with child when, earlier this month, she walked the red carpet at the Met Gala wearing a custom-made Givenchy gown that deftly concealed her stomach, its bodice cinched high above the waist just as its intricate pattern made it difficult to discern any change in her silhouette.

Who are these “sources”? Why won’t Beyoncé put everyone out of their misery? Wahhh!

May 18, 2013 at 10:30 am by Jennifer

1Pregnant Fergie Hopes She Gets Maternal Before “It” Pops Out Of Her

Oh, Fergie Ferg. She’s having her first baby with husband and hottie (to some?) Josh Duhamel, and that’s great, right? You know, despite the fact that her immediate reaction to discovering her pregnancy was to note that “shit just got real“? Guys?

Alright, listen. Fergalicious admits that she’s not really all that maternal and even incubating her child in her womb hasn’t really kicked that in yet. I don’t think that’s necessarily an issue, and it’s bullshit women’s/parenting mags that like to make women feel like there’s ONE correct way to react to everything in life. If you’re not shitting yourself with delight over putting 86 yellow (neutral colour, natch) onesies on your Target baby registry, there’s something wrong with you. I mean, there isn’t, but that’s what they’d like you to believe.

From OMG! Yahoo:

“I’m still waiting for my maternal instincts to kick in, really. I’m sure a lot of new moms can really relate to that, so I’m hoping it’ll happen before it comes out,” she revealed.

Having kids is a mindblowing experience that’s hard to come to terms with the reality of, so why should she be going nuts already? If you are, cool, but there’s nothing wrong with NOT being that way. Sounds to me like she’s bricking it because she’s realising that her whole life as she knows it is going to be turned upside down and start revolving around a little wrinkly crying thing that takes all of your time, energy, attention and money. I’d probably feel pretty similar.

May 18, 2013 at 8:30 am by Jennifer

4Was Mariah Carey Lip Synching And Do You Care?

Mariah Carey, in a diabolical feathered gown, sang her face off last night in the season finale of American Idol — or DID she? A lot of people are freaking out, pointing fingers, saying she was actually lip synching her Mariah’s greatest hits medley. Maybe she did, considering she and everyone else on the judging panel got fired, and this is her way of saying, “Thanks, bye.” Like maybe she doesn’t even care. Or maybe she actually was singing. I can’t tell. It looks like she’s singing but there’s something very smooth about it. But maybe that’s because she’s a professional who has been singing since she was but a wee child in a diabolical feathered gown.

Watch it and tell us what you think.

May 17, 2013 at 5:30 pm by Catherine St. Ives