Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Enjoy It While It Lasts!

Here's 90210 semi-starlet AnnaLynne McCord (you may know her better as "the one who eats") at the Emmy swag lounge, eagerly posing with everything. I mean, fucking everything. Listen, AnnaLynne, baby, the A-listers don't pose on bicycles. They just don't. But you don't really care, do you? Your show's gonna last another half-season, and then you'll be gone forever, and you know it. So get your hands on everything you can, gorgeous. Also: Doesn't she totally look 16? [gallery]...

Sometimes I Misunderstand How Meth Winds Up in My Bedroom, Too

Here's poor Redmond O'Neal, being shamelessly hounded by the paparazzi as he goes on a grocery run. Redmond, you'll recall, was arrested along with his father, Ryan O'Neal, early Wednesday morning, when the cops found meth on Redmond and in Ryan's bedroom. I do feel bad for the poor kid, who's never done anything to put himself in the spotlight, trying to deal with these paparazzi assholes, but then he comes with this line: "It's just a major misunderstanding. Life goes on, you know," and later adds that "it happens to everyone." I totally hear that, Redmond. I've been in the same situation. I don't smoke meth, either. But sometimes I pass out in my bathtub after three or four days of smoking crack, and I wake up two days later and all my crackhead friends are gone, and now there's fucking meth in my bedroom. And I just stare at the shit, like, "This must be some sort of a misunderstanding." Best of luck to ya, kid. /> Here's poor Redmond O'Neal, being shamelessly hounded by the paparazzi as he goes on a grocery run. Redmond, you'll recall, was arrested along with his father, Ryan O'Neal, early Wednesday morning, when the cops found meth on Redmond and in Ryan's bedroom. I do feel bad for the poor kid, who's never done anything to put himself in the spotlight, trying to deal with these paparazzi assholes, but then he comes with this line: "It's just a major misunderstanding. Life goes on, you know," and...

Oh Praise Jesus, Paris Hilton’s Dogs Are Fine!

Thankfully, all that nastiness about her dogs being eaten by coyotes was just an Internet rumor. Not only are the dogs alive, they also have a way better life than you do. "They were at Paris's house Wednesday in her recording studio, and all the dogs were playing and looked as healthy and happy as can be," says her rep. "Paris even had a doggie mansion built for them and it is very secured." Sweet. Side note: So I did a Google image search for "Paris Hilton dogs" to find a suitable photo to accompany this article. I clicked on the photo I liked best, and I ended...

REMINDER: Submit Your Entries to the Life and Times of Tim Contest!

Okay, so the shit I'm getting in my inbox for this contest is cracking me up. Like, I'm laughing out loud at almost every one of them and I have NO idea how I'm going to choose a winner. You guys are HILARIOUS and I love you so much. I have a feeling I'm going to be printing a bunch of these on the site, even if I only choose three winners. (Don't worry, guys, no last names.) So here's your reminder to get your entries to this contest in to me by Friday night. To enter, send me an accoun...

Oh Dear Lord Paris Hilton’s Dogs Got Eaten by a Coyote

I'd be way bitchier about this, but, when I lived in Arizona, I had an outdoor cat who got eaten by a coyote, and it was pretty devastating, so I'm not going to give Paris "you're irresponsible" shit about this. It's just really sad. I've never had an outdoor cat again, BTW. I keep my babies INSIDE the house now. We are sad to break the news that Ms. Hilton lost two of her most beloved pets in an attack by a coyote that came down into her neighborhood during the night. Unfortunately i...

Katherine Heigl Is Quitting …

... smoking, that is, not Grey's Anatomy, which is what I really want her to quit. Maybe I could start watching that show again if I didn't have to hear Izzie's whiny little voice in every other scene. But, anyway, T.R. Knight tells In Touch that Katie's quitting, and he's trying to be supportive. "You have to be ready and find it in yourself," he says. This isn't the first time Katie's said she's quitting, so we'll just wait and see. I have to say, though, I must have tried to quit 100 time...

Yes Okay Let’s Talk About Josh Howard

I was actually trying to avoid this -- mostly because, in all honesty, I have no idea who this person is or even really what sport he plays -- but I've had enough of you email me about it that it's clear you guys want to talk about it. Here's Dallas Mavericks star Josh Howard, being videotaped during the national anthem at a game. "'The Star-Spangled Banner' is going on," he says. "I don't celebrate this shit. I'm black." Then there's some muttering about Obama. Discuss. /> I was actually trying to avoid this -- mostly because, in all honesty, I have no idea who this person is or even really what sport he plays -- but I've had enough of you email me about it that it's clear you guys want to talk about it. Here's Dallas Mavericks star Josh Howard, being videotaped during the national anthem at a game. "'The Star-Spangled Banner' is going on," he says. "I don't celebrate this shit. I'm black." Then there's some muttering about Obama. Discuss....

Getting Into the Journalism Business

Ice-T's super-classy wife, Coco, has launched a magazine. It's called -- you guessed it! -- Coco, and it is, according to The Sun, "filled entirely with shots of herself." OMG. Who the hell is going to buy this? Are people actually attracted to this woman? What the hell is she charging for this magazine? Please, folks, if you see one on a newsstand, email me with what it costs. And then linger by the newsstand for the rest of the day and photograph and interview everyone who buys one. I must know who these strange creatures are. [gallery]...