Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Snooki Is Officially A Published Author: Aren’t We So Proud?!

A photo of Snooki

Go ahead and toss out your Dickens and your Salinger and whatever else used to pass as a good book, because it’s a brand new day. Today, you can walk right into your local bookstore and find Ms. Nicole Polizzi’s (she’s an author now, she deserves your respect when addressing her) sure-to-be award-winning novel.  That is, unless they’re all sold out!

Ok, but sarcasm hurts sometimes, so let me just break this down.  Snooki wrote a novel with a writer named Valerie Frankel about a short young lady named Gia who adventures around the Jersey shore while wearing a pouf.  If that doesn’t satisfy your literary mind, check out these excerpts:

“He had an okay body. Not fat at all. And naturally toned abs. She could pour a shot of tequila down his belly and slurp it out of his navel without getting splashed in the face.”

“Yum. Johnny Hulk tasted like fresh gorilla.”

“Any juicehead will get some nut shrinkage. And bacne. They fly into a ‘roid rage, it is a ‘road’ ‘roid rage.”

“Gia danced around a little, shaking her peaches for show. She shook it hard. Too hard. In the middle of a shimmy, her stomach cramped. A fart slipped out. A loud one. And stinky.”

“Gia had never before been in jail. It wasn’t nearly as gritty and disgusting as she’d seen on TV prison shows. The Seaside Heights drunk tank — on a weekday afternoon — was as clean and quiet as a church.”

“I love food. I love drinking, boys, dancing until my feet swell. I love my family, my friends, my job, my boss. And I love my body, especially the badonk.”

I’ve been trying to motivate myself to get through the complete works of Shakespeare, but I just might need to put that off.  Priorities, you guys.  See you at the Barnes & Noble!

3 CommentsLeave a comment

  • What’s with Americans and Salinger? OK, Catcher in the Rye was good book but besides that Salinger never managed to publish another book with huge importance (ok, Nine Stories perhaps also)…
    I have always wondered about that, because it gets a lot of mentioning in American sites and in different quizzes. Why not bring Hemingway as an example or Steinbeck or Vonnegut…
    Or maybe it’s just that in Europe we just don’t appreciate Salinger as much as we should.