Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Lindsay’s Home Away From Home

So now that Lindsay’s actually in jail (even though, according to TMZ, she’ll only serve 23 days out of the 90 she was sentenced), maybe you’re wondering what her new home will be like.  If so, you’re in luck!  People gave a pretty solid breakdown of her new residence, and here are some of the highlights.

Cigarettes are “strictly forbidden,” and I bet that’s going to go over fantastically.  Another forbidden item:  the internet! Lindsay will not be able to use Twitter, and I’m sure that’s going to hurt worse than the cigarettes.  Doctors are allowed to treat her for nicotine withdrawal, but as far as I know, there aren’t any meds for the painful, mind-shattering process of going cold turkey off Twitter.  Hang in there, Lindsay!

When she arrived at the jail, all of her personal items were confiscated.  And yeah, that sounds normal, she can’t have her phone in her cell, that’s cool.  But do you know what else counts as a personal item?  Hair extensions.  I honestly cannot think of one thing that sounds more fun than getting your hair extensions taken out in jail.

And guess who’s in the cell right next to Lindsay? Alexis Neiers, that crazy girl who broke into everybody’s houses, including Lindsay’s!  If there is not a memoir or a sitcom or at least a Saturday Night Live skit commemorating this, then I’m probably going to have to write my Congressman.

P.S.  If you missed the live feed of Lindsay’s arrival at court, please do yourself a favor and check out this video so you can see my very favorite part:  the throwing of the confetti.

10 CommentsLeave a comment

  • For the first time in a long while, I am compelled to comment that this was an excellent post.

  • Really? They are gunna take her extentions? I mean I’m thrilled, I just had no idea that they’d do that.
    Also you are so right, a SNL skit is needed! I’m sure we won’t be disappointed.

  • I can’t believe she’s gonna be housed next to Alexis Neiers. That is just TOO FUCKING AWESOME for words. YOU CANNOT MAKE THIS STUFF UP YOU GUYS.

  • extension out, a month of redheaded regrowth and a deflated upper lip are going to make the ‘after’ shots gorge.

    what do you bet, that lindsay and alexis will bond, and in about 23 days, there are going to be the most nauseating tweets between the two of them about the horrible experience they shared, their new friendship and how the legal system is just, like, so unfair. vom. it.

  • WHAT is that?! It looks like a bulletproof… belt? brace? Is it a back brace? I’m so confused. Also, did she just get her hair freshly bleached for prison? You go, girl.

  • i find it hilarious that girlfriend has to get her extensions taken out. Why in the the hell did she leave them in? I would be turning everything i had into low maintenance if i had to go serve time