Sorry I’m running so late today, guys. Unfortunately every story I tried to write started out something like: “Kate Winslet won a libel — Oh, my God I have to go to an allergist today and I’m afraid of needles and I’m pretty that I CAN DIE from being stuck sixty times in a row and if I DIE no one will know what’s going on in Hollywood until Beet wakes up — whew, okay, now where was I?” So, thanks for being patient with me today whilst I went through my mini-meltdown, and if any of you have any tips on how to survive the rest of my life without bacon, please email me. Because I’m allergic. That’s right — pork allergy — and if you don’t think I’ve already thought of all the dirty jokes surrounding that, you’d be wrong. If you need an address to send sympathy cards (and gifts!) just drop me a line. Clearly, this is karmic payback for making fun of Jeremy Piven.
In the meantime, Kate Winslet did in fact win $40,000 in a libel lawsuit that she filed against Daily Mail for an article they wrote earlier this year titled “Should Kate Winslet Win an Oscar for the World’s Most Irritating Actress?” Specifically, Winslet took issue with DM’s take on her exercise regimen: “I am delighted that the Mail have apologized for making false allegations about me. I was particularly upset to be accused of lying about my exercise regime, and felt that I had a responsibility to request an apology in order to demonstrate my commitment to the views that I have always expressed about body issues, including diet and exercise.” Well, fuck. If that statement doesn’t make confirm the allegations of being irritating, I don’t know what does.