Today's Evil Beet Gossip

It’s a Boy for Joel and Nicole


Congrats to Nicole Richie and her uterus, which is currently growing a small penis. (It has a person attached to it, too, but isn’t that all men really are anyway? Penises with bodies attached? Or is that the kind of thinking that results in me being eternally single?)

“Joel bought water-based paint for the nursery and — surprise, surprise — it’s blue,” says a pal of the couple, who adds that Nicole refers to the baby as “he.” “Plus, she recently ordered some plush animals and infant toys from FAO Schwarz, and everything just happens to be blue.”

Ya know, my mom had a thing about baby colors. She didn’t want me to feel like I had to associate my gender with any limitations, color being one of them. So she tried to use neutrals or mixes of color in my room. In fact, the mobile above my cradle was made of tin foil dolls. There was Mrs. Tin Foil and Mr. Tin Foil and baby Tin Foil. Although they didn’t really have gender identifiers, so I suppose they could just as well have been Mr. and Mr. Tin Foil and the Tin Foil baby they had through a surrogate. Thank you, Mom, for the open-mindedness you instilled in me as a child. It basically worked, except now I have this overpowering need to marry a man made of tin foil.

15 CommentsLeave a comment

  • >Penises with bodies attached? Or is that the kind of thinking that results in me being eternally single?

    So, if guys think of you as a “hole just to be plugged” then it no big deal or is it a one way street?

  • Totally agree, Beet. A full colour spectrum should be compulsory from birth! Down with this prescriptive pink-and-blue malark! Nonsense.

  • That whole color brainwashing thing irritates me to no end. I search frantically for greens, yellows and reds for my child, just so I don’t give in to the forced color scheme our society had imposed on us.

    On a side note, I’m also greatly irritated with having Barbie and Princesses shoved down my throat.

    • Good for you. When I was a little girl, I always had to deal with people thinking I wanted pink things and barbie dolls and princesses!

  • Did you know that in ye olden days, the colour for boys was pink and the colour for girls was blue?

    It’s because pink is close to red- ie: passionate, warlike, aggressive colour- whereas blue was seen as a more calm, passive colour, therefore more suitable for females.

    I agree with the hatred of the pink- blue- brainwashing that goes on with children. Why constrain them to a set of limiting gender rules from before they’re even born? I’m also surprised that Joel Madden, since he’s sooooooo “rock and roll” (LOL) wants his children to be so conventional.

    I think it’s worse with pink though… It seems like it’s acceptable for boys to have green, red and cool machine colours like silver and stuff but for girls ALL THINGS MUST BE PINK AND LURID.
    It’s very strange.

    • the color were traditionally reversed,but it was superstition that blue warded off witches that caused people to dress their girls in blue, fearing that their girls would be stolen and added to the coven, or worse sacrificed

  • Try too hard to disgender someone, then they have no roots, morals and pride., you should celebrate their gender.

    • …you do realize that the pink-for-girls and blue-for-boys thing is a relatively recent fad (like, in the last century), and not some part of the “natural order”, right?

  • …man made of tin foil…wiiiith a tin foil penis attached? O. U. C. H.

    And, YAY for Nicole:)

  • Okay, let’s get started on the name. How about Maddox Madden? Carlo, to rhyme with sister Harlow? Or simply Richie Madden? Nah, we need something less…normal. Any suggestions?