Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Take Off That Ridiculous Hat, Detective Stabler

And, while you’re at it, also take off that belt and those pants and throw me on the bed and take all the stress of your long, hard, thick detective job out on me. Ooh, baby. Fuck yeah. Solve that crime.

Seriously, Chris Meloni fucking sucks and I’ll tell you why. This sonofabitch refuses to walk a single damn red carpet if he can’t bring along his stupid wife of 1000 years and his one billion children with her. How am I supposed to take my Detective Stabler sex fantasies seriously when you pull this shit? Think of your fans, Chris.

Here he is not having sex with me at the Children Affected by AIDS Foundation Dream Halloween benefit in NYC.

Also there: James Gandolfini, with his new wife and his old kids.

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