Today's Evil Beet Gossip

A Study in Subtlety


When I dated, the goal was to send the signal that it was like an amusement park under my skirt.  Roller coasters, cotton candy kiosks and all that is right in this world but without the long waiting lines.  

Fast forward to Fashion Week in Paris.  Indian designer Manish Arora has taken all the work out of seduction.  He has unveiled THE dress that every woman needs.  Because seriously, nothing screams “I am more fun to ride than the Tilt-A-Whirl” more than wearing a carousel on your torso and a beaded penis glans on your head.  It speaks to me.

 Where the fuck was this ensemble when I was single?  Oh the nameless sex I could’ve had.

25 CommentsLeave a comment

  • Brilliant post, hun!!!! :) Luvs it.

    You’ll get more comfortable with time, but you’re already amazing.

    I know things will get better because I had a writer for almost a year. At first she was nervous, then it will all become second nature.

    So far, Wendie is the funny! Remember that haters gon hate. You can’t change that. Some will love you, some won’t, but Beet’s paying ya, so that’s all that matters.

    Well done. :)

  • Tilt-a-whirls made some people throw up, I’d much rather tell people it was like the log ride… Wet, exciting and full of screaming ;)

  • Fabulous posts wendie! My favorite turn of phrase thus far has got to be “beaded penis glans on your head.”

  • yeah, I`d ‘do’ her (as would I you Wendie :))
    it would save a pretty penny by scoring that LSD from my slimy dealer!

  • I thought it was the Beet until I realized you said you weren’t single! She made a good choice. You fit right in.

  • re; every fucking post above this one.

    ground control to major ass kissers!! stop it. as one of the few humans on this site that actually has a spine i’m embarrassed for you. bring the bitch an apple and let’s get it over with. wendie doesn’t care if you fucking like her because her names not even fucking wendie! she’s probably doing time in the fucking pen for selling fake gucci bags on a street corner in chinatown just to help with her crystal meth habit. why the hell else would she have free time on the weekend? heck, maybe the hubby she mentions is stuffed under the floorboard of her grandmas house and the cops are still trying to find the body? her heads gotta be bigger than my fucking blowup jenna jameson doll about now. pathetic suckups!!! geesh……

  • Feh. I remain unconvinced. And on another note, I hope Wendie’s name really is Wendie, because God-forbid she actually picked that moniker herself. Surely her parents forced that bogan misspelling upon her, nobody would do that to themselves. It’s “Wendy”.

  • So since when is it so wrong to criticize someone? How is that hating? If someone is inferior, then they’re inferior. Deal with it.

  • @ censorthis:

    Ooo I love this game. Let’s do you: you get drunk on Keystone Light, then go to write angst-ridden poetry at the Waffle House. You treat your regular waitress like shit and never leave a tip, but that’s ok because she makes sure the busboy jacks off in your pancake batter. You fancy yourself an outside-of-the-mainstream-rebel who doesn’t care what anybody else thinks. To prove it, you have the Chinese symbol for “protection” tattooed on your shoulder blade and the Tasmanian Devil on your ankle–both of which you found on page 6 of the tattoo parlor’s flash book. You brag about the number of shotguns you own, but ammunition is expensive and the recoil knocks you on your ass every time anyway, so you go home to dry hump your mattress. Then you grab a Keystone Light and it’s off to the Waffle House to write more angst-ridden poetry and think about that next tattoo (maybe barbed wire or something tribal around your “bicep?”)

  • What I want to know is if the carousel moves around with the horsies going up and down and if it plays the music. And if the sleeve is really a case for condoms. And what shoes was she wearing, clown shoes? Stilts?

  • Jen B I just read your comment I’d much rather tell people it was like the log ride… Wet, exciting and full of screaming LOL!!

    Mine is more Haunted House. :(

  • re; lah-dyke-dah

    oh my fucking god! you are so right on. except for the keystone part. keystones for raging fags, not mentally deranged fags. and you forgot the part about me being wheelchair bound. lifeless limbs make for angry rants, so said my therapist before i quit going. pss….i’m guessing you don’t wear panties, and are way past due for a trim.

  • censor…a lot of times you make me laugh. Today it seems like something has burrowed in your short & curlies and created quite a negative mood. What gives?

  • That was a really great post! At first I was like.. err.. she’s not at all up for the challenge, Evil Beet weekends will never be shits and giggles again.. But this post totally changed my mind.

    Go you.