Today's Evil Beet Gossip

O.J. Pleads Not Guilty

This story is really boring until he goes to jail.

Then I will write about it a lot, I promise. I’m super excited.

Until then, who cares? I didn’t care about this case the first time around (granted, I was like 10), and I don’t care about it now. I am only looking forward to watching this dumbass get away with murder and then go to jail for robbing some turbos in a hotel room. During his friend’s wedding reception. What a tool.

It’s a huge joke now among my friends. Every time his name comes up, it’s always the same rant. Someone’s like, “Seriously, who the fuck invites O.J. Simpson to their wedding? How do you get the bride to sign on to that? Like, ‘No, honey, I promise. I’ve talked to him, and he says he’ll be well-behaved. No double-homicides, he swears. Weeeellll, I guess he didn’t specifically agree not to round up a group of our friends at the reception and execute some ill-thought-out robbery while recording the audio, but I imagine he knows better than that. I mean, no one’s that dumb. Right, baby? Right?'”

I would just like my future husband, whoever he may be, to know that O.J. Simpson is not coming to my wedding. And neither is your drunk, obnoxious uncle. Unless he wants to get us the full set of that Tiffany china. Then we can talk about it. But definitely not O.J.

For those of you who care, O.J. plead not guilty to all 12 counts, ranging from armed robbery to kidnapping, for allegedly attempting to rob two sports memorabilia dealers at gunpoint.

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  • People also seem to want to hang out with the likes of Snoop Dogg (also acquited after a murder trial) or Roman Polanski (agreed to plead guilty to child drug rape, still a fugitive).