Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Can We Please Be Done with Anna Nicole Soon?

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It hurts. Oh, God, it hurts so bad. I feel like I’m limping, crawling, dragging myself toward the mythical Anna Nicole Finish Line, and every time it’s in sight I blink, and it was just a mirage. When will this be over? When? Mommy, make it stop.

The Virgie Arthur custody battle took place today in the Bahamas. You know when you’re in a really long work meeting that just keeps dragging on and that one annoying person in the room keeps asking stupid question after stupid question and finally someone says those magic words: “Let’s take this offline.” What that means, of course, is let’s postpone this until we can discuss it outside of the formality of this meeting and stop watching the salaries of the 18 very qualified people in this room slide down the corporate drain while we deal with your retarded retardedness. I think Virgie Arthur’s lawyer was finally merciful enough to suggest they take it offline. After the court day ended without a decision, Arthur’s lawyer announced that Dannielynn’s grandma would meet privately with Larry Birkhead “to figure out what they believe is in the best interest of this child — and try to get it done.”

Oh, please, Lord, let’s get it done. Let’s just be done with this. Please.