Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Dannielynn Paternity Results Expected Tomorrow

I have no idea why I’m running this story. Maybe because everyone else is running it. It’s like the night before the Oscars, when everyone’s running these “It’s the Night Before the Oscars” stories and it doesn’t really matter because the decisions have been made and are sitting in an envelope at PricewaterhouseCoopers and the only thing that could possibly make the whole mess interesting is if somehow Talladega Nights won Best Picture as a write-in candidate. I think everyone kind of knows Larry Birkhead is the daddy right now. Even Howard K. Stern is starting to backpedal. Personally, I hope something more exciting happens. I hope, like, the Broward County Medical Examiner happened to have, say, Matt Lauer’s DNA on file, and the kid turns out to be his. I want it to be something like that.

Maybe we should liveblog the Dannielynn paternity revealing. Do you think the whole thing will be televised? Probably. Lars, you want this one?

Anyway, we’ll get the results of the DNA testing tomorrow. We’ll keep you posted around here.