Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Britney’s Middle School Masterpiece: Decoded

As a special service to you, my fine readers, I have taken upon myself the task of reading Britney Spears’ middle-school essay on the ancient Greek tragedy of Antigone (pronounced “An-tih-guh-nee”), which goes on the auction block at Christie’s next month. I have also volunteered to note the spelling, punctuation and/or grammar mistakes her teacher missed. Also, for those of you who were supposed to read Antigone for class this week, you can save the money for the Cliff Notes. Brit sums most of it up quite nicely.

Antigone is about a girl who loses her brother during a war. She wants to bury them [sic], but the new king, Creon, will not allow it, and who shall ever do so shall be killed. Antigone wants her brother buried, because she wants him to be able to be in the heaven of ghost. So she goes out and buries him. There was a roomer [sic] about her burying her brother, so the gaurds [sic] keep a good look out. Finally, they catch her. They take her to the king. The king’s son is suppose [sic] to marry her. The son begs his father to have mercy, but nothing stops him. He puts her in a chamber. A [sic] advisor comes along and warns him that the God [sic] are angry with him. He get’s [sic] scared so he lets her go. [Ed: apparently this didn’t actually happen in the play]. When they go to the chamber, they find her dead, because of suicide. Her soon to be [sic] husband kills himself, because he can’t stand the thought ->

Wanna know the rest? Put in a bid on Christie’s. It’s estimated to go for $500-700. Or, you know, read the play.